


And So it Went Like This

by SouthernCross



Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, F/M, Falling In Love, Forgiveness, Jane is the best, Masturbation, Mention of experimentation, Mention of torture, NaNoWriMo, but you can't avoid it - Freeform, character rages in defense of other character - Freeform, character throws up - Freeform, couture lingerie, friends - Freeform, love letter to europe, mention of non-consensual body modification - Freeform, nano 2018, not too graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2019-12-18 02:56:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18240968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SouthernCross/pseuds/SouthernCross
Summary: He was Bucky Barnes.  He was the Winter Soldier. He was James.Six months ago he had stood in front of a face on glass, one he caught glimpses of in reflections he avoided.  James Buchanan Barnes.  Soldier.  Friend.  Dead.Thinking that whatever he had to share wouldn’t change anything was naive but Darcy was tough, she had been through a lot, and had a way of seeing things that made her step forward when everyone else stepped back.Or so she had been told.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to cchellacat. Without you Belle this wouldn't have come to light! Please go check out her fic it's amazing. Also not officially beta read so all errors are mine.

_**James** _

 

A car horn. A baby crying. A man shouting. James took a deep breath and concentrated on the sounds, it was not enough. He focused harder.

A match striking. A ball bouncing. A newspaper rustling. His heart rate slowed. The tension easing as the nightmare released its hold on him and he took back control of his mind and body.

Fight. Fall. Flee. Freedom. Facts.

He was Bucky Barnes. He was the Winter Soldier. He was James.

He was James.

He remembered.

Steve. Punk. Shield.

Steve. Punk. Shield.

Steve. Punk. Shield.

Six months ago he had stood in front of a face on glass, one he caught glimpses of in reflections he avoided. James Buchanan Barnes. Soldier. Friend. Dead.

Not dead. Not the Asset. He was James. He had fought with Steve, Stevie, the man with the shield. He knew him. He remembers. He remembers all of them.

Before his thoughts scattered again James sat up, sleep abandoned. Running his hand through sweat slicked hair his eyes tracked across the room. Nothing out of place, nothing indicating a breach. He breathed deeply and willed himself to relax.

Reaching for the pack of cigarettes and orange lighter he considered it a win his hand moved with only a slight tremor. No matter how much he pushed himself, exhausting his body with rigorous workouts and working double back-breaking shifts at the docks, there was no respite to be found when his body finally gave in to its need to sleep.

Maybe there was a time he didn't have nightmares, he didn't remember that. His memory was overflowing with the places and names and faces of the people he had killed. He could field strip a rifle in under 15 seconds and had discovered he spoke some two dozen languages.

James could not remember the middle names of any of his sister's.

He knew there were three, all younger, his step-father had wanted a son in his own image. Funny what he could and could not recall. Not the names of any of his grandparents but the old man who ran the corner store before he shipped out? Remembered him and the tall tales he used to spin.

The drop of ash onto the bare skin of his thigh pulled him back. He could get lost, the maze of memories would pull him in, but he was getting better at pulling himself out. The noise outside his window, cars honking and the low hum of voices speaking Dutch, was a welcome distraction.

Rotterdam had been good to him. After the sky had fallen he had stumbled underground, literally, hiding in the sewers until his wounds had healed enough that he could seek out the fuel his body was screaming for. He only had a hazy recollection of that first week after, running completely on training and the innate need to survive. His mind had been a jumbled mess, it still was at times, but not like those first few days when even picking a direction to walk in had been an agonizing decision.

The Asset had not made decisions. The Asset followed directions. The Asset had not needed to find its own food or transport or clothes. Even finding the right size boots to wear had been a trial. Everything had been a trial.

The Bucky in his head had been pushing for him to remember, to know he was.

The Asset had pushed back, wanting only the pertinent information needed to survive.

James had told them both to shut the fuck up and ten days after his swim in the Potomac he snuck aboard a freighter headed to Europe.

As far as he knew neither the Asset or Bucky had not spent time in the Netherlands. He liked that, and it had taken some time before he had been comfortable with preference over necessity (there was a list, neat with bullet points, of all the things he had decided he liked and didn't), James had liked that this was a town with no paths he had ever walked before.

Stubbing out the half smoked cigarette he gave up on rest. Picking up the small black journal from the night stand he flipped it open to the page marked with the red ribbon. Snippets of his most recent dreams and newest memories filled the page to the left. He had made a half hearted attempt at sketching the skyline view during his last meal break. The 60 minute meal was some of his best in the day. Climbing on top of a shipping container with a bag of food, he would smoke and eat and write or read. James felt the most like a person in those minutes.

The only other time he felt even remotely human was when he saw her.

Immediately his cock sprang to attention. Falling back against the mattress he thought of long dark curls and full red lips. The afternoon he had first seen her had been uneventful. The outdoor market boasted homemade goods and fresh fruits and vegetables. He had made it a point to try and buy something new on every trip. More items to add to his prefer and pass lists.

There had been a few tables, wrought iron two seaters, next to the stalls selling fresh fruit. There were too many people, the area to open for him to ever sit, but he liked looking over at the people eating or reading, wondering what it might be like to be one of them. She was sitting alone, he had only ever seen her sitting alone, a laptop open in front of her and white earbuds in her ears.

The concentration on her face, the red painted lip bit between her teeth, the bright yellow clip holding back her hair, all of it combined into a picture that tripped his breathing. The grapes he had been considering were forgotten.

Making a point to loop around those particular tables on his next visit to the market, maybe it had been the next day, a full week before he would have normally gone, but there was no one around to call him on it. The extra trip had been worth it. She had been there, same table, same laptop and headphones but her hair had been pulled back up in a high ponytail.

The third time her hair was loose, he might have imagined twisting his fist into the curls. That afternoon he heard her talking into her phone.

American. Smart. Sarcastic.

There had been a smile on his face as he had walked away with his bag of oranges. His mystery woman certainly had a creative way of getting her point across.

 

The Asset had wanted him to break ground and leave. Too many stops in the same location meant a pattern. A pattern could be noted and traced.

Bucky Barnes had wanted him to pull up a chair and introduce them. An introduction could lead to more.

James had shut them both up. He wasn't ready to leave. He wasn't ready for more. Instead he scaled back his visits to the market. Twice a week. Staggering the days he justified the risks. And it was a risk going back indulging in the quick looks over at her table.

This week his head had been too full. He had picked up as many extra shifts as he could. Heading back to his closet sized studio apartment only to pass out and shower. There were no shifts scheduled for him today. Some inspector was coming around, the crew that was cash only had to be scarce for the next couple of days.

There was already an itch under his skin. He needed to move. He needed to do something. Being alone with his thoughts was never good, not when his head was like this. The months alone and on the move had given him ample time to become familiar with his moods. Learning how to read himself, to see the signs that things were not good, had become an essential part of his survival.

Today he knew he could not stay indoors. Resigned he got up and headed into the bathroom. There was barely enough room for him to duck under the shower head and his elbows banged into the wall when he turned around under the spray. But the water ran endlessly hot and he had become partial to hot showers. Early on he had discovered that he did not like the cold. That had made it into the top 3 of his pass list. He had thrived in the heat of the summer, the scorching temperatures and old buildings with no central air. He had thrived just fine with the window open and a small box fan circulating the thick air around.

Every part of him was dreading the upcoming winter.

Wrapped in a towel he wiped a hand over the condensation on the mirror. Blue eyes looked back at him. Not so different than the eyes he remembered looking back at him before he fell. Not so different than the eyes that had reflected back at him in the moments before the cold and freeze set in.

What was different was the hair, still too long, too unruly. He hated it, hated how it got in his eyes and the short hairs around his neck always caught sweat. The scruff on his chin would never have passed muster at home or in the army that much he was certain of. Still, it was easier to look and see the Asset staring back at him, he wasn't ready to see Bucky Barnes.

His hands dripped blood now. Hydra had used the Asset, had twisted him until Bucky had broken, and put the pieces back together in their image. James did not know if he would ever see Bucky looking back, he couldn't see how. Bucky Barnes had been a real soldier, a part of an elite team that, while they had taken lives, had been on the side of right. That much he also knew for certain. The blood on Bucky Barnes' hands was clean.

Frowning he wiped again at the moisture on the mirror then ran the same hand over his jaw. Maybe it wouldn't hurt too much, cleaning his jaw of the persistent shadow. Maybe it would be nice to head over to the market and feel what was left of the autumn sun on his face.

Yes, James could do that, would do that.

_**Darcy** _

Today was going to be the day.

Darcy took special care in planning her outfit. Nothing overt, but she was not above showing a little skin.

Okay, she had the girls on full display, the sweater was pale pink but the neckline plunged way past what decency allowed.

It had been years since Darcy had cared about what was allowed. Her wool skirt was a soft grey that curved very nicely over her ass but she wore black tights with heeled loafers. The entire ensemble lent itself towards naughty librarian.

She could totally live with that.

Sliding a mocha lipstick on she smacked her lips together, she had always liked the taste of freshly applied lipstick. There bad been a small shop in London that had specialized in personalized lipsticks. That had been a fun afternoon.

Unfortunately the last of those had been used up before arriving in Rotterdam. Shame, there had been a dark pink one that would have complimented this outfit perfectly. She would have to see if there were any shops locally that did the same thing. Then she would just have to find the time to actually go shopping.

The last month had been intense. Jane had finally been acknowledged and accepted into the scientific community, which yay recognition, but boo recognition. Darcy had not had a clue just how much time being recognized took up. Lectures and defenses and interviews and awards and papers. Oh my God the papers, for peer review, academic review, for freaking CNN.

If she never proofread another paper it would be too soon.

In the time since the Greenwich Incident. An incident to public enough no governing body had been able to sanitize, Jane had been in high demand. What had followed had been more passport stamps for Darcy than she had ever dreamed of getting.

Yeah it was kind of amazing.

As faithful assistant to a bona fide genius Darcy had gotten used to standing on the edge of the spotlight. That didn't mean that she was still just a glorified paper pusher who reminded Jane to bathe and eat. Well she was all that but she had become more.

With her graduation finally come and gone she had floundered a bit at first, losing herself in the long shadow cast by Jane's brain. Now Darcy had a perfectly good brain. Maybe it had gone and convinced her to get a degree in political science but it was hers and so was her shiny new degree.

Now that things had become less than top secret she had been able to update her resume. Some parts had looked like the editing room floor of a sci-fi movie but there were some personal and business references that had at least gotten her a phone interview. Never let it be said that Darcy Lewis couldn't take an inch and make it a mile. The job she had landed wasn't anything glamorous. She did social media strategy and market research for an upstate in Brussels. The owners were science driven, they had been pleased she had at least spoken parts of their 'language' and honestly after Jane and Erik a pair of solar energy researchers was a cake walk.

When Jane had swung by their office after her face to face interview, which she killed thank you very much, there was a ridiculous amount of fangirling from everyone involved. Darcy was not too proud to say her famous friend all but cinched the job and she was absolutely fine with that. For Jane she had endured the Destroyer, Dark elves, and Tromso. Yes, she would absolutely use her connections to her advantage.

Besides she killed at her job. The market research was tedious, but Darcy knew it was a necessity. Where she truly shone was on social media. Her little company we had an obscene amount of online followers and their orders had doubled. Her bonus last quarter had been ridiculous.

She had fielded a few offers to take over social media for other companies, no competitors, Darcy was hella loyal, but she liked the idea. There were thoughts rolling around her head, ideas, she could almost see the whole picture. A few missing pieces needed to be found but she was content enough with what she was doing currently she didn't feel the need to rush anything.

Settling in Rotterdam, Jane had agreed to guest lecture at Erasmus, had been good for both of them. Darcy had actually unpacked her suitcase and hung up the handful of dresses she dragged around with her. Buying fresh groceries and having space to cook them had almost made her cry. She was not a great cook but she could make a red sauce and knew some interesting pork dishes and after a while eating take-out got really old.

Finding the outdoor market with its fresh fruits and vegetables and the best cuts of meat she had seen in ages had been a good day. A great day after she discovered the stall selling amazing lattes conveniently located next to small tables and strong wifi. She had haunted that little corner, settling in each day after she left Jane at the university. Darcy knew there was no real reason she was still with Jane. Her friend was more than capable of taking care of herself, appearances not withstanding. Anyone could do what Darcy did, Jane could have her pick of real interns, they both knew it.

Neither of them had broached the subject. Jane, for all her head was in the stars, liked routine and she had settled into Darcy like a warm sweater. Darcy couldn't imagine not being in Jane's orbit.

Her new job afforded her the transit lifestyle that she had grown to love, she could probably travel even better without Jane. To be perfectly honest a lot of the places Jane had ended up would not have been on any of Darcy's lists. But. And really it was all about the but. She had grown accustomed to being, while not a starring player, involved in the crazy stuff that the Earth had been dealing with for the past decade.

How many people could say they were a lightning sister? Or had met Hawkeye? And there had been that one unfortunate meeting with Tony Stark but that was best forgotten. So, no, she didn't see herself wanting to part ways with her kinda boss and accidental best friend.

Enjoying the incoming cool of the autumn season Darcy had commandeered a table and would enjoy her outdoor office as long as possible. The cool air, the energy of the people around her, eased the drudgery some of her work entailed.

Then she had seen him.

Tall, dark, and intense. Blue, blue eyes and a jawline that could cut a bitch despite being covered in scruff.

The day hadn't been special. Work was work and she was making her way through it when she had felt it, the tickling in her gut that told her someone was looking, watching her. You didn't go as many years as she had with a bra size like hers without knowing when she was being ogled. Glancing up over her laptop screen she had caught a glimpse of him, hand holding a bunch of grapes.

Not wanting to be caught herself she looked back down at her screen. He had not been leering, just sort of stunned to see her there. Honestly she had been flattered. Despite wearing too many layers and the unfortunate hair he was gorgeous. Like the kind of gorgeous she had not usually attracted.

She had risked another quick glance. Yup, still there, still beautiful. His age had been impossible to determine, if she had to guess she would have thought a few years older than her own 24 but there was age to him that blurred the edges of him.

And so it had continued. She would work at the tables for a few hours and if she was lucky she would catch a glimpse of him. She hadn't worked up the courage to talk to him and he seemed content to simply look and move on. Darcy wanted more. She wanted to know his name and ask why he looked so familiar. She wanted to know why he had such a terrible haircut and what the hell was with all the layers (and the gloves). She might have had a few thoughts about those hands, covered in leather, on her skin.

Yup. That was exactly what she was reduced too.

Not after today. Today she had a plan. Jane had known she was up to something had pestered her until she had caved and told her about the plan. Jane had laughed before she had realized Darcy was absolutely serious. There had been a very good attempt at changing her mind, seriously like a 7 out of 10 but Darcy was that level of stubborn not even Jane could bend her will.

 

She left for the market earlier than normal, it wasn't terribly crowded it never seemed to be, and she had never had trouble getting a table before but not wanting to take a chance she had gotten there a half hour early. There had been a moment of indecision, coffee or water, for him not her. The Americano was already ordered and being made. Part of the plan included offering him a beverage. People were less likely to ignore your invitation to sit if there was already something waiting for him.

Well that was what she was counting on. Coffee would be weird, she had no idea how he took it and there's no way she would drink something from a stranger she hadn't seen made herself. The water bottle was too generic. Settling on a fancy bottle of juice, he did seem the stalk the fruit vendors, she took it and her coffee back to her table.

Opening her laptop, she was way too anxious to do any work, she pulled up her personal tumblr and scrolled through some of her favorite tags. Keeping one eye on who came and went she sat back and waited.

 

_**James** _

 

The Asset had not approved of his decision.

Bucky Barnes had keened in happiness.

James had simply put the razor down on the edge of sink, he ran a hand towel under the hot water, and pressed the towel against his cheeks and throat. The sensation of smooth skin under his hands surprised him. He had not thought about what it would feel like, simply what it might look like.

There was still too much of the Asset in the reflection, the hair, the hard eyes, the clenched jaw, but the definition of his jaw, hidden previously by scruff and the dimple in his chin was all Bucky. He wondered what she would think, if she were to think anything at all, if she had a preference.

Pass or prefer.

Dropping the towel he smoothed his drying hair back, pushing it off his forehead.

The plates in his arm shifted as he bent it back.

Ah, yes. There he was.

The black hair tie around his wrist, he had taken to snapping it against his skin when the bus or the metro was more crowded than usual. The quick snap of pain kept him grounded, focused, rather than lost in a sea of people. Right now he used it to keep his hair off his face, it being long enough, once gathered, to make a small knot on the crown of his head.

Bucky Barnes was appalled.

The Asset could see the benefit of keeping the hair out of his eyes in a combat situation.

James thought he looked more like himself finally than either of the other two.

Satisfied he went about getting dressed and was out the front door in under 15. There was a small chill in the air, one more reminder that winter was coming. He thought about moving on before that. As he headed down into the metro he considered all the places that had mild winters, weighing the pros and cons of Crete or Cyprus or Malta. Automatically he scanned the car, assessing each passenger, dismissing them or taking a closer look if something flagged.

His stop came without incident. Everytime he made it somewhere without feeling eyes on him he counted it as a blessing. The limited chatter he had overheard, the Asset was not trained in recon but he had observed enough around his handlers, storing the information on how to navigate the computers. The scientists had not know the information was there so it had not been burned out of him. James had used a stolen laptop in the states and hit a few cyber cafes once in Europe.

Hydra had been dealt a massive blow, its members revealed and those who had not gone to ground had been rounded up. There was a real concern that those still out there would be coming for him. Either to reclaim his usefulness as the Asset or punish him for failing to complete his last mission.

The sensation of failure, the sudden urge to go and complete the mission, the training and brain washing fighting against what he knew was true.

Steve. Punk. Shield.

Soldier. Friend. Dead.

He was James. He was not the Asset.

There were no more missions beyond staying alive and staying safe. He reached for and snapped the black tie on his wrist, he had replaced the one that was now in his hair.

Curls. Lips. Red.

Curls. Lips. Red.

The thought of her, of where he was, of his little apartment, the hot water, his lists, pulled him back into the moment. He was not a prisoner anymore, he was free.

Bucky also noted that he was here. The entrance to the market was across the street, his feet had automatically taken him where he had wanted to be. Before heading across the street he considered if he was really going to do this, actively seek her out without even the pretense of shopping.

Bucky thought he should talk to her.

The Asset thought he should leave.

Bucky considered whether or not she might like them.

The Asset considered whether or not she was Hydra.

James considered himself insane.

Ignoring both of them and his own sense that this was a bad idea he made his way across the street. Navigating the market would have been easy for him even without the regular visits. As soon as he had landed in Rotterdam he had memorized the layout of the streets and city highlights, he could do a walk thru of any major building without ever having set foot in it.

Before he took the last few steps, past the stall that had good, local honey and another that made goat’s cheese, he considered walking away. He knew he was taking a risk, returning often and to see the same person over and over. Even a rookie agent would catch the pattern.

The smart thing, the safe thing, would be to turn back around and leave. The market and then the country, such was the weight of the risk he was taking.

Curls. Lips. Red.

Before he had even completed the thought he knew he was not going to walk away, not now, not anytime soon, not until he absolutely had too.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Darcy** _

For the hundreth time she stopped herself from fidgeting with her hair, her lipstick, her glasses, it had taken all her willpower to simply sit. maintaing an air of calm and collected was taking all of her concentration. She did spare a little brain power, kept a nonchalant eye on who came and went.

So far there was no sign of him.

The wait had her reconsidering her plan.

The wait had her wishing there was more to her plan than look great and buy beverage.

Somewhere Jane was laughing at her.

Seriously though why had she not thought how exactly she would get him to her and her offer of a beverage.

What if he didn’t speak English? That was a reach, Europeans had at least a passing knowledge in at least two languages beyond their own, and really the U.S. needed to get their act together. Her high school Spanish had been slow to return, and the Russian she could remember from her Gran was lost in the pitiful attempts to learn French through an app she had downloaded in Tromso.

Glancing up she saw caught sight of a very familiar leather jacket. Sitting up straight her doubts and insecurities vanished as she honed in on her target.

Then he turned her way and she might have let out a rather undignified squeak.

Jesus, Mary and fucking Joseph.

Her brain tripped over and she didn’t know what to focus on first. The unfortunate hair was pulled up into a knot on the top of his hair, the scruff was off his face, oh my God there was a dimple. She legit forgot to breath for a second.

Of course he would choose today to show up looking like he walked off the set of a Diesel shoot. He could be a model, he was probably a model. He was so far out of her league it was hilarious.

Rather than deter her the realization that she didn’t have a shot made her bold. There was no chance that it would happen so she could be herself and probably make a fool of herself and it wouldn’t kill her chance, since there was no chance.

With newfound courage Darcy stood and smoothed down her sweater and wiped her palms on her skirt. She had this. She sort of had this. Keeping an eye on her stuff, there were a few other occupied tables but they were all faces she recognized, she walked towards her mark.

His back was to her, his attention on the pile of mangoes. Now that she had actually committed to this she wasn’t exactly sure what she was going to say or how she was even going to start saying it.

‘Hey.’

Wow. That was all she could come up with? Impressive. Fighting a cringe she wasn’t too mortified not to see his flinch, she wondered if she had made an epic mistake.

Before she could make a clean getaway he turned around.

Oh. My. Thor.

She had known he was good looking before, duh, and when she had taken a quick glance at him when he had first arrived she had changed her assessment to gorgeous, what with the clean face and top knot.

Now that she was seeing him up close and personal she made a final assessment. Her market man was the most beautiful person she had ever seen up close and in person. Full Stop. And she had met real life alien gods with muscles for days.

Thor was pretty, surfer guy good looks, and a body to die for, but this guy had a face. Like a face that was just too damn pretty to be real.

Realizing that her jaw was literally hanging down she snapped it shut and took a deep breath. Plan. Drinks.

‘Hi, I’m Darcy.’ She only just caught herself before she said her last name, probably not the best idea to give all her info to a stranger.

‘I’ve seen you come through here. I’m usually over there.’ Waving absently at her table, glancing over to make sure her stuff was there, yes thankfully it was. He was staring at her, like looking at her like he couldn’t believe she was real.

A terrible thought occurred to her. ‘Oh no, do you speak English? I just assumed you did because like everyone I’ve met in Europe knows like multiple languages. Which is totally awesome, most people back home can barely speak English,’

He was still just staring at her.

‘Okay so I guess you don’t which sucks because I got you a drink and I was totally going to ask you to join me. Which is hilarious because you are like stupid hot and way out of my league and it was a crazy thought. I am crazy and I am keeping you from your fruit so I am going to just go.’

Wishing she had just listened to Jane when she had told her not to enact the plan, Jane was a genius and Darcy needed to listen to her more. She also wished she could just die, or vanish, or vanish and die.

‘Right, I’m leaving now. I’m sorry for bothering you.’

She had taken one step back, her body getting ready to turn when she heard the quiet, ‘You’re not bothering me.’

_**James** _

At first he had thought the voice wasn’t directed at him. No one directed their voice at him. Not even the bosses at the docks talked to him unless they had too.

There had been a moment where he had thought that they had come for him, that in the short distance between his apartment and the market they had found him.

The moment passed, he had tuned in to the speaker, stunned to realize it was her. So stunned to see that she was standing close to him, talking to him he hardly registered what she was saying.

The Asset had heard it, would remember for him, and had decided she was not a threat.

Bucky Barnes was calling him an idiot, telling him that he was standing there like a gaping fool and letting her get away.

James had not spoken directly to any one in months that had not been some kind of purchase or work related. The surprise of it all almost had her slipping away from him.

‘You’re not bothering me.’ The words were out before he could consider the implications.

Her attention turned back to him, Darcy, she had said her name was Darcy.

‘You speak English.’ There wasn’t a question at the end but he nodded his head anyway. The blush that rose in her cheeks warmed parts of him that were always cold. He wanted to see it again, feel the warmth again.

‘That’s just great, wonderful.’ The nerve she had displayed before had fled. Her hands fidgeted with the ends of her sleeves. ‘Do you want to have that drink, I mean, it’s not a drink drink, just juice, but it’s there.’

He nodded again, following her as she walked back over to her table.

_**Darcy** _

In retrospect it wasn’t the most awkward conversation she had ever had.

James hadn’t said much, he had seemed content to drink his juice (she had totally made the right call) and let her carry on with the talking. She had had no problem with that, and an hour had passed before she had time to blink down at her phone.

The buzzing had caught them both off guard, she had checked the text. Jane.

‘My boss, friend, it’s complicated.’

Firing off a text to Jane that all was well she smiled over at him.

His bottom lip was caught between his teeth. God help her. It was bad enough that he did that but when he did this sort of tongue swipe across that same lip she legit wanted to melt into a puddle of Darcy hormones.

Of course she had overshared.

Of course she had made lame jokes.

Of course she had.

He hadn’t laughed but he had given her half a smile, which she got a sense was a big deal, James didn’t seem the type to smile or laugh often. Shame, the pretty only got better the more you looked at him.

His face had scrunched up adorably in confusion when she had commented on his top knot. ‘Trust me you can rock it, and should, often.’

She had thought about making some reference to hipsters wailing in despair over the unfairness but she wasn’t sure he would get the reference.

Looking back now she wondered how many of her references had gone over his head. There was something, not off about him, but missing maybe, she didn’t know. More than once she caught a look on his face like he wasn’t sure exactly how he had ended up there.

That only made her want to smoosh his cheeks and wrap him in fuzzy blankets.

Reluctantly he had admitted to being from the States. ‘Haven’t been back for awhile.’ Other than that he had been sparse on the details.

The gloves had stayed on the entire time and he wore a shocking amount of layers.

When even she noticed how his eyes flicked around at the people passing by, the market had gotten busier the later it had gotten, she had made up an excuse to leave. There was an edge to him that she had seen in the jack booted thugs, he hadn’t said if he had served or not, but he had seen violence.

But then so had she.

Before they had parted she had gone for broke and told him she liked his company.

His mouth had opened and closed, the adorable look of confusion was back, she took pity on him. ‘I think you liked my company too or you are just way too kind and spent two hours with me under duress.’

The grin she gave him she knew was cheeky and wide, it showed off the gap in her teeth which had taken years to embrace as the right side of cute.

‘So let’s exchange numbers and do this again. You can pick the location next time.’

For a long minute she didn’t think he was going to say anything which would definitely have been worse than a no. He was still breathtaking gorgeous but maybe not so out of her league, not with the awkwardness that he exuded.

She had almost missed him pulling out his phone to read off her his number to her.

Almost.

With unmasked glee she had typed in his number and then shot him a quick text. His phone wasn’t fancy but it looked like it could withstand a drop from a high altitude, priorities she supposed.

They had gone their separate ways after that.

Darcy knew 100% she would have to be the one to text him first and she was mostly okay with that. Yes, he was pretty but was he worth all the effort? Running a brush through her hair, she looked at her reflection in the mirror as she considered.

No, he hadn’t been a chatterbox but he had given her all of his attention, eyes never straying from her, and he had interjected with a quiet comment and question or two. James was so completely different than anyone she had been attracted to before.

She usually went for tall, lanky, brainy types. James was as far removed from lanky it was laughable, even with multiple layers she could see he was all muscle, like the real kind. He towered over her 5’2” self so there was that and she hardly knew him well enough to say if he was brainy or not.

What really set him apart was that calm he exuded, like he could sit still for hours and hours. That was rare enough in people these days, everyone had a distraction in their hands or ears constantly, and especially in her circle. She gravitated to loud and snarky, much like herself.

Despite the differences, or maybe because of them, she liked the time spent with him.

Heading into the living room, she picked her phone up off the coffee table and opened messages.

‘I had fun today. Thanks for indulging me.’

Not for the first time she was glad she wasn’t an iphone user. Seeing that someone had read your message but had not responded was the worst. Now she would just never know if he ever read her message or simply ignored her, should he not respond.

_**James** _

The phone beeped from the pocket of his jacket that he had tossed carelessly on his bed. So surprised at the noise he glanced around the room uncertain as to what it was. He occasionally got a phone call asking him to pick up a shift, but until this afternoon he had never gotten a text.

‘I had fun today. Thanks for indulging me.’

Indulging her? She was so wrong on that point it was laughable.

Bucky Barnes offered up some suggestions as to what to reply.

The Asset ordered he ditch the phone.

Ignoring them both he bit at the thumb of his right glove and pulled it off.

‘Thank you for the drink.’

Her reply was almost instantaneous.

‘You're welcome. What are you up to tonight?’

It was strange to think that somewhere in the city she was holding her phone, typing one half of a conversation, and thinking of him. He sat down on the edge of his bed, which doubled as a sofa and dining room table.

‘No work tonight. I’ll finish reading my book.’

He frowned at the screen, the words looked odd, stilted, like he was having trouble saying them. Which he was, but it was still frustrating.

‘An evening in sounds awesome. I’ll probably stay in too. What are you reading?’

Glancing at the pile of books on the floor next to his bed, he had picked them up at the used book store he passed on his way home from work. He had read them all, twice, but he had no trouble reading them again. Making a mental note to pick up some more after his next day shift, he read the title off the top of the stack.

‘Contact, by Carl Sagan.’

He could do better, he wanted to do better.

‘Have you read it?’

Waiting for a reply he reached for his cigarettes and lit one.

‘No, but I love the movie. Jane said it partly inspired her love of the stars.’

Jane, her boss-friend, astrophysicist. Another mental note was made to look into her, he knew he would have to look into Darcy as well. She hadn’t told him her name, but one could find anything on the internet if they knew where to look. The Asset did.

‘I haven’t seen it.’

There was no television in his place, he didn’t like the noise, the distraction was nice, but everything was too bright and the voices too loud. There was an app on his phone that played music. Memories of clubs and jazzy tunes had had him searching through, testing all different kinds of music.

There was a list solely dedicated to musical finds, there was more he liked than he didn’t like, he wasn’t picky.

‘OMG we are so going to have to watch it!’

He still couldn’t believe that she had wanted to talk to him, still wanted to talk to him and wanted to do so in the future.

And so it went.

The texting grew easier. She used a lot of those little smiley faces and sometimes her abbreviations confounded him, but he relaxed and the words came easier.

They hadn’t seen each other since that afternoon, he assumed she still went to the market to work. She had explained what she did and while a lot of it went over his head he understood the need for research and strategy which was apparently what she excelled at. Social media held no use for him, he supposed it would be a way to track a subject, learn their habits, but he didn’t do that anymore.

It had been a week since he had been back to the market, he was irritated with himself for not going back, and irritated that he was irritated. He wanted fresh fruit, he wanted a cut of beef from the butcher who knew what he was doing, he wanted to sit in the sun with her.

Scowling he looked at the phone in his hand. It was early enough that he could make it there around the time she would be settling in.

Bucky Barnes was pushing him to go, to not waste the opportunity to get a know a beautiful dame.

The Asset wanted to know what he was going to do with her once he had her.

There was no doubt from either of them that he could have her if he wanted too. Darcy had not been subtle that first day and she had dropped a few flirtatious hints in the interim.

James firmly pushed the thoughts away. She was a nice girl, he liked her, but it didn’t have to go beyond that. It wouldn’t go beyond that, he was too fucked up in the head for anyone to really want and she didn’t know everything, and once she did she would go running in the opposite direction.

Just because he knew it was going to end badly, didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy it while it lasted.

_**Darcy** _

‘At your table yet?’

The text from James came through as she was taking the first sip of her perfectly doctored Americano.

‘Yup. Coffee in hand.’

She snapped a picture and sent it to him, she wasn’t sure why she had taken that first picture, Jane scribbling on a white board and sent it to him. There hadn’t been anything revealing about it but she had talked enough about her friend and given how much she had texted with James, he was a friend now too, she had wanted to include him in the moment.

The ‘?’ he had sent back had made her smile, so she had explained as best she could, and her heart had literally burst when he had sent her a picture back of the stack of books next to his bed.

She really hoped he would show up today. It had not surprised her when he had been absent those first couple of days, she would have been hurt, but the texts had still come regularly. James was the type to reply instantly no matter when or what the subject was.

Darcy could admit that holding so much of his attention did wonderful things to her ego. She wanted to ask if he was coming by, she had been lugging the hardback copy of Fahrenheit 451, a personal favorite, ever since he had told her he hadn’t read it. Maybe she had gone out the next day and bought a copy but that was between her and the clerk at the bookstore.

Frowning down at her phone, he still hadn’t responded to her picture, strange his response was usually immediate.

‘Hi.’

So maybe she jumped out of her skin and fumbled with her phone. Looking up she saw James standing behind the chair opposite her, hands stuffed into the front pockets of his black jeans.

‘Oh my God you scared the shit out of me.’

With a hand pressed to her chest, she gave him a smile when he frowned down at her.

‘Come on, sit down, stop being all frowny face, I jump scare easily.’

Waving at the other chair, she was a second away from standing up and forcibly getting him into the chair, which she knew was an impossibility, when he sat.

‘Sorry.’

‘Don’t worry about it. I’m happy to see you.’

His hair was pulled back but his face was scruffy again and still with the layers and the gloves. She was dying to ask but she knew they weren’t there yet.

There was an ease to the conversation today that had been missing before. James still didn’t say much, but when he did speak his shoulders were relaxed and his eyes held hers. When he stood to get himself a drink he offered to get her one as well.

‘Oh, just point at me and they will hook you up. Thank you.’ It always paid to tip the baristas well. She grabbed her purse and touched up her lipstick, pulling her ponytail until it sat higher on her head. A little voice in her head told her she was being ridiculous, a separate voice argued that he had sought her out and maybe she wasn’t being ridiculous, a third voice told them both they were idiots.

When he got back with their drinks, he had another bottle of juice, she thanked him and pulled the book from her bag.

‘For you.’

With wide eyes he took the book she extended to him.

‘I-uh-I-Thank you.’ Fighting the smile was impossible, he was beyond adorable.

‘Your welcome. I can’t wait to hear what you think of it.’

_**James** _

Carrying the book back to his place, he made sure to tuck it away under his coat, not wanting anything to ruin the cover.

The entire ride back he had itched to open to the words inside, to read what she had said she loved. James had never realized how intimate it was to share with someone something you held dear. He waited until he was locked safely up in his room.

Coat and boots off he stretched out on the bed and turned to the first page. To his surprise Darcy had inscribed it to him.

_‘J- I hope you enjoy the words as much as I have. -D.’_

The handwriting was big and bold and a little sloppy but entirely feminine, it was utterly Darcy, and he found himself smiling and tracing the words with his fingers.

‘It was amazing.’

He hadn’t been able to put it down, he was already back at the first page, gauging if he had enough time to read it again before he had to leave for work.

Shit, he hadn’t realized how late it was.

‘Finished already?! I’m glad you liked it.’

‘Sorry to text so late.’

‘No worries. I’m at the lab with Jane. She’s onto something and I’m offering moral support. LOL.’

There was still a part of him that cringed when he thought of a lab. So many bad things had happened to him lying strapped to a gurney. Taking a deep breath he focused.

Bed. Pillow. Book.

Bed. Pillow. Book.

Darcy. Smiles. Sunshine.

Able to take a full breath he blinked and unclenched his hands, his phone dropped, forgotten in his lap.

Jane wasn’t HYDRA. Jane studied the stars. The digging he had done had revealed that Darcy had been there when Thor had landed and had been in the thick of it during an event in Greenwich. She was not an agent, but she wasn’t purely a civilian either, and he had not known what to think about that.

‘Is she finding another way to the stars?’

Admittedly he was fascinated by the theories Dr. Foster was purporting, her discovery of Einstein bridges and travel to another realm had had the science nut in Bucky Barnes crowing in delight.

Of course the girl he had taken a shine to was friends with alien gods and knew people who could make even the wildest science fiction novel reality. James didn’t believe in fate but Bucky Barnes wondered if fate believed in them. The Asset thought they were both idiots but approved of Darcy’s association with Jane Foster, the connection could be useful.

‘You never know with her.’

They texted until he had to leave for work. Throughout the entirety of his shift he toyed with the idea of making plans, real plans to meet Darcy. There were a few restaurants he had tried, ones that he was comfortable sitting in. There were a myriad of other things they could do together other than eat, but food was simple, it gave him something to focus on, something for his hands to do.

A walk in a park or a trip to a museum or whatever folks did now to pass time were too unfamiliar, too many variables, not yet anyway.

One thing was certain he could in no uncertain terms continue seeing her or talking to her without telling her the truth. The thought made his stomach curl, he knew telling her would end things. Of course it would, but he knew it was wrong to keep it from her.

James still didn’t have a clear picture of the man he was but he had a good idea of the man he wanted to be and not telling her was a lie by omission.

Darcy was a friend, still a stranger, but she was important to him. He knew that despite what was wise, despite the danger, despite the million other reasons he shouldn’t, he wanted her to know. There was a part of him that knew she could be important to him, that she was someone who could be the most important person to him. She could also turn him in and send him back on the run.

The Asset thought he was insane.

Bucky Barnes had faith in Darcy.

James just wanted to try, just this one time.

Decision made he pulled the laptop he kept in his go bag and booted it up Taking the usb drive he had bought after work he pulled up the pertinent files and began copying them onto the drive. Doing this, and it looked like he was, would mean an exit strategy.

There was every chance that Darcy could call the authorities and he wouldn’t go back, he couldn’t. So he would take a chance on her, but he would take precautions that protected his freedom.

Pulling out his latest notebook, there were three filled already with thoughts and memories, he turned to a clean page. He had thought about what he would say, the words rolling around his head as he had worked.

The facts were in the file on how the Asset was created and utilized. He wanted her to know who Bucky Barnes had been and how James had fought and was fighting to be present.

God, he sounded insane.

Sighing he put pen to paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment and kudos. I love you all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for stopping by. I fixed some formatting issues. Hopefully it will be easier to read the changes in perspective. 
> 
> I really love this chapter and am super proud of Darcy getting to say everything I can't. Please let me know what you think.

**_Darcy_ **

 

James had asked her to meet him at the market.  At first she had been excited, thinking this was step one towards something more.  Then he told her he wanted to talk, that he had some things to tell her. 

 

Her stomach had dropped.  Since they had met she had known there was more to him, that he held a lot of secrets close to his chest.  Of course she had wanted to work towards being someone he could confide in, now that she was facing it she was nervous.

 

In all honesty they didn’t know each other very well.  Yes, she considered him a friend, she bonded fast and tight, and yes she wanted more than friendship.  Well considering all of that it made sense that they be honest with each other, so if he needed to talk to her, tell her things that might affect their collective future she could absolutely respect that.

 

Was this adulting?  It was. She was part of a mature and responsible relationship and it was mind blowing.  

 

Her nerves had gotten the best of her, she had changed her outfit three times, settling on dark jeans, boots, and a cream sweater.  She got to her table five minutes early, picking at the label on the bottle of water she had brought with her. Any more caffeine and she would be too wired to concentrate.

 

Today she saw him before he got to the table.  There was a dark hat on his head, pulled down low, and he carried a backpack.

 

‘Hi.’

 

‘Hi.’

 

There were purple bruises under his eyes, her mouth opened to scold him for not taking better care of himself, but she closed it before the words came out.

 

He sat across from her, bag resting between his feet.

 

‘Thank you for meeting with me.’

 

All the tension that had been absent on their last visit was back, she frowned.

 

‘It’s no problem.  I got the impression it was important.’

 

‘It is.’

 

Sitting quietly, watching as he pulled a thick envelope out of his backpack and a usb drive.

 

‘There are things about me you need to know, that I want you to know.’

 

Toying with the corner of the envelope, her name was written in beautiful cursive on the front.  She doubted that he wanted her to know any of it.

 

‘And you just can’t tell me.’

 

He shook his head.

 

‘It’s a lot to process and some, a lot of it, is sensitive information.  This way is better.’

 

Tears were clogging the back of her throat and she didn’t know why.  Whatever was in this letter on this drive was a big deal. She knew in her gut it was Thor level big and she couldn’t help but wonder how these things kept happening to her.

 

Thinking that whatever he had to share wouldn’t change anything was naive but Darcy was tough, she had been through a lot, and had a way of seeing things that made her step forward when everyone else stepped back.  Or so she had been told. 

 

‘Alright.  I’ll look everything over.’  She wanted to reassure him, she wanted him to reassure her, but he only looked at her.  God he was looking at her like it was the last time he was going to see her.

 

‘It is totally unfair that you are looking at me like it’s the last time you’re going to see my stupid face.’

 

The humor fell flat.

 

‘Not a stupid face.’

 

Her smile was wet.  She blinked back the tears and looked up at the blue sky overhead.

 

‘Okay.  Okay. I’m going to go read all this and wrap my head around whatever you’ve got for me.’

 

Standing, she slipped the drive in the front pocket of her jeans and put the envelope in her purse.  James stood, he looked like he wanted to say something, but he said nothing.

 

‘One favor?’

 

‘Anything.’

 

Oh, it was so incredibly unfair.

 

‘I would like a hug, I’m a hugger and you just look like you need all the hugs and I kinda really need one too-’

 

Before she could stop the word vomit his arms were wrapped her.  Oh my God, James gave good hug. 

 

He chest rumbled with laughter when she told him.  Wrapping her arms tight around his waist she pressed her nose into his chest, he smelled like a winter candle and cigarette smoke.

 

They stood there longer than hugs usually lasted in public, but she didn’t care, he was warm and solid, and by solid she totally meant ripped and he held her tight and close, like she was precious.

 

Fuck, it was so unfair, he pushed all her buttons, but the usb stick was burning a hole in her pocket.

 

She wasn’t sure who pulled away first or if they did so simultaneously.  There may or may not have been a ghost of a kiss to the crown of her head.

 

‘I’m going to go.  I’ll talk to you later.’

 

He didn’t say anything but she felt his eyes on her as she walked away.

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

Her first semester at college her roommate had been from Texas, she had been loud and brash and Darcy had loved her.  Kendra’s one vice had been that she smoked like a chimney. There had been a few late nights out that had found Darcy bumming a cigarette off of her friend.  The burn and rush of nicotine had cleared her head and calmed her nerves.

 

Getting addicting absolutely could have been a thing.  Lucky for her lungs she had been too poor to be a smoker and she had hated the idea of being beholden to anything much less big tobacco.  So she had simply been that person that bummed one when she wanted one.

 

She wanted one now.  Standing by the window she looked out but couldn’t see past her reflection.

 

When he had said he wanted her to process things, he hadn’t been kidding.  The revelations were staggering. 

 

James was James Buchanan Barnes, best friend of Captain America, WW2 hero, HYDRA prisoner, and the brainwashed assassin known as the Winter Soldier.

 

Everyone had seen the shaky cell phone footage of the silver armed man fighting Steve Rogers on the highway, it had run ad nauseum on the 24 hour cable news channels.  

 

There had been endless conspiracies as to who or what he was.  God, the truth was so much worse. Her stomach turned as she thought about what she had read in the SHIELD files he had given her.  

 

There had been detailed reports on what had been done to him not to mention the pictures and in later years video documentation.  She had watched it all, had seen the extremes those monsters gone through to unmake him.

 

After the last video had played the tears had started, she had thrown up until only bile had come up.

 

Pressing a hand to her lips against the memory of throwing up she turned away from the window, on unsteady legs she walked back to the small dining table with its two chairs, and sat down on one.  Her laptop remained closed, she had slammed it shut when the last of the documents had finished revealing their horrors.

 

The letter he had written, his penmanship was a gorgeous thing, was unfolded in front of her.  She picked it up, reading it again, as she had already done a dozen times.

 

_ Darcy, _

 

_ I don’t know why you chose me out of everyone to talk too.  One can only imagine after you read everything if you will regret it.  I want you to know that I don’t regret meeting you, getting to know you, even for a little while, and I’m sorry for what I have to tell you.  I’m sorry for what I have to burden you with. _

 

_ My name is James Buchanan Barnes and I was born March 10, 1917.  I’ve seen some of the history books with my story in them, kind of hard to believe that was me, but I was that kid from Brooklyn who followed some punk back into war. _

 

_ What the history books don’t tell you is after I fell I didn’t die.  Turns out when HYDRA had me in Azzano they pumped me full of stuff, a knock off of whatever Erskine gave Steve, and when I landed I lost my arm, but not my life.   _

 

_ I should have died that day, I wanted too for so long.   _

 

_ They wouldn’t let me go, they tried their best to get rid of whatever was inside me that made me Bucky, but he’s still in there.  I don’t remember it all, from before or during. Instead they gutted my mind and created the Winter Soldier, the Asset, in their image.   _

 

_ The fist of HYDRA, that was what they called me.  They had ways to control him, me, it’s all in the files. It’s no excuse for what I did, but I hope you can see it as an explanation. _

 

_ After, when Steve knocked some sense into me, I was able to piece things together.  Still am. I’m not Bucky Barnes anymore, not really. And the Asset is in there, he’s a part of me, the part they carved out and into me, and I have to live with that. _

 

_ I have to live with all the lives I took and the destruction I caused.  I’m not a good man, but I don’t want to be a bad one. _

 

_ There’s still a mess in my head, triggers that they know that will give them total control.  I live with a target on my back and a bomb in my head. _

 

_ If you never want to speak to me again, I’ll understand.  If you wash your hands of everything and turn it all over to the authorities I’ll understand that too.  I just hope you don’t hate me for telling you, but it wouldn’t have been right keeping it from you. _

 

_ “We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over.” _

_ ― Ray Bradbury, _ [ _Fahrenheit 451_](https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1272463)

  
  


_ Thank you for the time you gave me, for the friendship. _

 

_ Yours, _

 

__ _ James _

 

Stupid, idiot man, it had been a goodbye today.  He had thought she would, at best, walk away or at worst, turn him in.  Turning him in wasn’t an option. The files were nothing if not clear in how much they had done to keep him in line, to keep him blank.  The sheer scope of what they went through, all to make him this perfect soldier, was mind boggling. 

 

The violations he endured, God her heart hurt just thinking about it, to have your sense of self taken from you over and over, she couldn’t imagine it.  Crying in earnest now, she pressed her hands to her eyes, trying to make sense of it all.

 

There’s no way she was turning him in, she would need to let him know that.  She wondered if that was a go bag, if he was even still in the city? Fuck, her head hurt.

 

The glass of water and three white pills eased some of the throbbing in her temples.  

 

Darcy wanted a drink and chocolate ice cream and another one of his hugs.  She wanted to see him. And by seeing him she meant tuck against him on the sofa with netflix and junk food until she got a smile out of him.

 

No, she didn’t want to walk away from him, but she knew it wasn’t that simple.  The target on his back was real, who knew where he would be in a week or a month and what if they tracked him when they were together?  Or if they discovered she was his friend and used her against him. She could never forgive herself if they used her to get him back. Ending things with him, if it meant keeping him safe was absolutely the right thing to do, but it wasn’t her decision to make alone.

 

James had given her the truth, had given her the choice whether or not to continue having him in her life.  There’s no way she could not do the same in return. She needed to decide if she wanted him in her life, knowing the risk and then she would ask him the same question.

 

**_James_ **

 

Watching her walk away, even if he hadn’t known her very long, had been hard.  Harder than he had thought it would be and he had had an idea that it would be bad. 

 

What he hadn’t thought through was the waiting.

 

Leaving the market he had boarded the first train out of town and ridden it until the last stop.  Getting off without caring where he was he found an all night diner and took a booth in the back. He had no real plans beyond staying out of sight until he heard from her, or didn’t hear from her.

 

Not hearing from her again was the most likely scenario.  Going back to his place would be a risk, but she hadn’t known where he lived or worked,  Still the city was not that big and it would be too risky to stay.

 

Of course hearing from her came with its own set of problems.  He knew that most likely it would be contact made by the insistence of the authorities, trying to bait him into coming back.  He knew that, knew that was the most likely scenario.

 

As he sipped at his coffee, pen tapping against the page of his journal, he allowed himself to consider the third option.  The one where she still chose him after everything. A ridiculous thought, pure fantasy, but he allowed himself the indulgence of pretending.

 

Imagining that she would still smile at him, text him random things, pester him to meet up, and more.  He wouldn’t allow himself to think of more, not now. The hug she had given him, the first tender touch since he had been Bucky Barnes would be enough, was more than he deserved.

 

The tired looking waitress brought over more coffee, he ordered a slice of whatever they had that was sweet, and pulled out his phone after she walked away.  He scrolled through the handful of pictures she had sent him. Random shots of her life, things she was looking at or doing. 

 

The last one he looked at, she had sent it the day before he had decided to tell her.  A selfie, he knew that was what they were called but had never personally taken one. The grin she gave the camera, him, was wide, her hair was parted, curls hanging down, drawing his eye to the hint of cleavage.

 

Darcy Lewis was a knockout.  He didn’t need to be in full control of his faculties to know that.  It was perhaps the one topic Bucky Barnes and the Asset were in complete agreement of.  Bucky Barnes was happy to remind him that he had always been a breast man and Darcy had the best curves he might have ever seen in person.  A bit crude for James’ taste but he couldn’t argue. 

 

Pressing a fist into his thigh he fought his body’s reaction to the thoughts.  Not the time or the place and it was certainly not appropriate, not after what he was putting her through.

 

The ding of his phone jolted him, he nearly dropped his fork.

 

‘I was unaware that you were a go big or go home kinda guy.  You absolutely were not kidding when you said it was a lot.’

 

The smile on his face couldn’t be helped.  She was one hell of a woman. 

 

‘Okay so my automatic response is to make light and I know this is not a make a joke kind of situation so I’m sorry for that.’

 

He didn’t know what to say or if he should say anything.

 

‘I hope you’re still there, that you’re getting these messages, and haven’t like ditched the phone or done some spy stuff where they rip out the sim card or whatever.’

 

‘I’m here.’

 

His reply was automatic but he needed to move.  Just in case. Tossing some bills on the table he shouldered his bag and headed out.  Phone in hand he looked at the time, too early for the trains or buses, he made his way on foot down an alley with poor lighting and no cameras.  

 

‘I want to see you.  I want to talk to you.  I’m not walking away but I’ll only stay if you think it’s smart and safe.’

 

Her message didn’t make any sense, he read it again, frowning he couldn’t figure out what she meant.  What he did understand was that she wanted to meet.

 

Bucky Barnes was telling him to get to her as fast as possible.

 

The Asset wanted him to steal a car and put down miles away from her before sunrise.

 

James thought quickly, he had time to get back to the city, run recon, listen for chatter.  It was risky, but he could pull it off.

 

‘Do you know the  **Arboretum?’**

 

‘The one near Erasmus?  Yes. I’ve been there before.’

 

‘1pm in front of the Tea House.’

 

‘Okay.  I’ll see you then.’

 

Making his way down the alley he found what he was looking for, a car, older model with no car alarm.  He was in it and on the road in under 90 seconds. Once he was sure he wasn’t being followed he headed back to Rotterdam.

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

After making plans to meet with James she had not thought she would have been able to sleep.  As soon as her head hit the pillow she had been out like a light.

 

Unfortunately her internal clock and the alarms that were set had her up 6 hours later at 8am.  With a groan she turned off the alarm, set another one for 10 and rolled back over.

 

Now that she had taken the longest shower in the history of healing showers she felt mostly human.  Pulling up her work email, she scrolled through and shot a few back that were important. Nothing needed her attention online and Jane was lecturing today until late and for that she was grateful.

 

She wasn’t sure how it was going to turn out with James today, but she knew that she didn’t want to be distracted by work or try to hide anything from Jane.  Her friend had gotten a lot better at reading the people around her after the reveal of HYDRA being in so deep in SHIELD and Loki’s attack on Erik. 

 

Oh she still missed a lot, Darcy had gone with blue hair for almost a week before Jane had noticed and the temporary wash had almost faded by then.  She was never making hair decisions while drunk or after high emotional situations. That was a hard lesson learned.

 

Now she was deciding what to wear.  What does one wear to meet former WW2 heroes/POW’s/brainwashed assassins?  She settled on black leggings, a white tank top and her favorite red cardigan.  Her hair was still wet and she had zero motivation to do anything with it, so she twisted it up until it was in a tight bun on top of her head.

 

Her nerves were shot, she debated taking a drink of the almost empty bottle of tequila, but decided against it.  She wanted all of her faculties present, even if her hands were slightly shaking, it wasn’t from fear. Well there was fear, but it wasn’t of him, it was for him, for them she supposed.

 

If she closed her eyes she could see him strapped down into that fucking chair, and it would be a long time before she would forget the sound of his screaming. Like his soul was getting ripped out and she supposed it had been.

 

The thoughts weren’t helping.  She pushed them away, thought instead about what she would say, what she would do when she saw him.  Darcy wished she had more of a plan. but everytime she thought about it she came up blank. Beyond showing up and seeing him she had nothing.  

 

Slipping her ballet flats on she slipped her bag across her chest and headed out.  Normally she would take the train to the university but she wanted the walk today, needed it.  She stopped at the cafe on the corner and ordered coffee to go. 

 

Leaving now, even with walking, she was going to be early.  That was fine, better to sit around there driving herself crazy than in her apartment pacing.

 

**_James_ **

 

The neighborhood she lived in was a lot nicer than his, the building had a lock and a doorman, which he approved of, and her apartment was high enough to make exterior entry difficult.

 

Assessing was automatic, checking sightlines and clearing corners was second nature to him now.  He had pulled out his modified scanner as he sat on the rooftop across from her building. The small black device fit into the palm of his hand, one earbud ran from it and to his ear, it was tuned in to local authorities.  Splicing in a few other channels had been where his modifications had taken over. He received audio from all local law enforcement, military, and interpol. If someone was making a move in this direction or towards the Arboretum, he would hear about it.

 

The online checks had not revealed anything either.  He was still on guard but it was looking like she hadn’t called in to anyone.  There was one way he could know, hacking into her phone and email would not be difficult, it would show if she had made any contact.  Unless she had used a third party, but he didn’t want to breach her privacy like that. 

 

In trying to be a better person he knew he was taking an incredible risk with his own personal safety.  But some things were that important, some things were worth it.

 

There was movement in her apartment, he itched to pick up the binoculars out of his pack, but he could see her just enough.  When the front door opened and closed he got to his feet, bag already in hand. She was on the move, way too early to be meeting him.

 

The hope that had been growing died in his chest.

 

The Asset was telling him to run.

 

Bucky Barnes was begging him to faith in her.

 

James headed down to street level, arriving just as she exited her building.  He could head east, away from her, or west and follow her, see where she was headed. 

 

He stood there deciding as she headed further away from him.

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

Maybe it had taken her longer to get to the botanical gardens than she thought it would.  Maybe she just needed more exercise. The walk had nearly done her in and her feet were killing her.  Ballet flats were cute, but when you had high arches they were a pain in the ass, or feet.

 

The tea house had opened at noon for which she was grateful, she needed caffeine and to sit.  She had a half hour to kill but the tea was strong and minty and exactly what she needed. Ripping off small pieces of pastry, she forced herself to eat, memories of the vomiting made her stomach roll, but she forced it down.

 

At ten to 1 she headed outside.  There were a few people strolling by, she had been the only customer using the indoor tables, most customers preferring to stroll along with the beverages.  

 

A group of school kids ran by and she smiled, their matching uniforms giving her flashbacks to her own elementary Catholic schooling.  

 

One second she was standing alone and the next he was just there.  Just standing there to her right, five feet away, looking at her like he couldn’t really believe she was there.

 

‘Hey.’

 

Feeling tears in her throat she fought not to let them fall, it was hard to look at him thought, look at him and not see him strapped down and in pain.  She was so fucked.

 

He still hadn’t said anything or moved closer.  Fidgeting with her cup she wasn’t sure what was supposed to happen now, yes he had agreed to meet with her but he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else at the moment.

 

‘Thank you for coming.’  There was so much more she wanted to say, but he was still studying her.

 

‘You didn’t call anyone.’

 

His voice was low, incredulous, but she heard him well enough.

 

‘What?’

 

‘The authorities.  You didn’t call them.’

 

‘Of course I didn’t call them.’

 

Had he thought she would?  Why had he shown up if he had thought there was a chance she would help turn him in?  

 

‘How do you know I didn’t?  Wait did you follow me?’

 

There had been a moment, halfway here, that she had felt eyes on her but she had chalked it up to paranoia.  Apparently not paranoid but she couldn’t begrudge him for it, just glad that he was here.

 

‘Right.  That makes sense.  I’m glad you did, you know did whatever you needed to do to get here.  But I won’t do that.’

 

‘I believe you.’

 

His face told her that he was as surprised to be saying that as she had been to hear it.

 

‘Did you want a drink or something?’

 

He shook his head.

 

‘We could walk?’

 

She nodded.  

 

**_James_ **

 

They walked slowly.  His mind was buzzing with questions, but she had asked for the meeting so he waited her out.

 

‘Thanks again for coming.’

 

‘You said that already.’

 

‘Right.  Okay. So I have to ask, why me?’

 

Why her?  He had asked himself the same question, the answer had not been simple.   

 

‘You smiled at me, for the first time since I was Bucky Barnes, there was someone, you, that was happy to see me.  I could live alone, on the run, I would be alive but not living. I live in fear and that is a life half-lived,’

 

‘So you took a chance on me?’

 

‘I took a chance on you.’

 

‘I don’t know if I’m worth that.  Worth the risk. I mean won’t that mean I’m like a weak spot?’

 

He had considered that of course, she would absolutely be a weak spot.  Worrying about the target she would have on her back if their connection was known.  Not to mention that there was not much he wouldn’t do to keep her safe, including putting himself in jeopardy.

 

‘Maybe, yes, but that’s the risk, that’s why I had to tell you.  It’s not my decision to make alone.’

 

‘Dude as much I want to, and believe me I want to, I would never, ever forgive myself if something I did got you anywhere near those fuckers.  I mean honestly, can I be honest?’

 

All he managed to do was stare at her, she continued.

 

‘I want to rip the world apart for what they did to you.  God I just need a list, names, because I know people. Heimdall can point Thor in the right direction and send them all to Hel.  God.’

 

In absolute astonishment, there might have been a moment where his jaw dropped in shock.  This woman never ceased to amaze him and now she was standing there with tears and murder in her eyes and he might have taken another step down the rabbit hole.

 

‘The fact that you’re here and shop for fruit and read books.  The fact that you are even remotely functioning, God I can’t even believe it.  I would be curled under the covers.’

 

His rough laugh was wetter than he had expected.  

 

‘There might have been a few of those nights.’

 

He got a laugh out of her, so that was something, he couldn’t wrap his head around what she had said.  Giving her the files, he had wanted her to see what he was, what he had done. This was not the reaction he had been expecting.

 

‘If I can be honest now, your reaction was not what I was expecting.’

 

The scrunched up nose she gave him in confusion was kind of adorable.

 

‘What were you expecting?’

 

He shrugged.  ‘More running away and screaming.  Fear and loathing, I’m a killer.’

 

She snorted.

 

‘Are you being serious right now?  Oh my God you are.’

 

Crossing her arms, she glared up at him.

 

‘Look and listen to me very clearly.  They took you and tortured you and violated you beyond my comprehension.  They stole your memories. They changed your body. They put a gun in your hand and pointed you in a certain direction.  None of that was with your consent. None of it, so unless you’re telling me that you have some burning urge to go on a killing spree I’m not buying that scary-killer-assassin thing.  Nothing that happened to you, and note I said to you not by you, after you fell off that fucking train is your fault. You want absolution, you’ve got it. You, James Buchanan Barnes, are hereby absolved of anything committed unwillingly by your person in the last 70 years.’

 

By the end her chest was heaving and her eyes were blazing, he was absolutely certain she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in any of his lives. 

 

The Asset was impressed.

 

Bucky Barnes was falling in love full stop.

 

James wanted to hold onto her and never let her go.

 

‘I-’

 

‘-If you’re going to say anything along the lines of I don’t think I deserve that but thanks anyway you can just shut your face.  You do deserve that, you deserve that and so so so much more, so if we are going to be friends you need to accept that.’

 

‘I-’

 

‘-Say yes Darcy.  You’re right Darcy.  I was a victim Darcy.  I’m going to work on forgiving myself Darcy.  I’m going to start today Darcy. Thank you Darcy.’

 

The Asset automatically responded to the commands.

 

Bucky Barnes was not falling in love, he had fallen.

 

James thought Bucky Barnes might be onto something.  

 

Could he do it, could he start to forgive himself?  Was he a victim like she said, of course a part of him knew that he was a victim, but what they had made him do, it had still been done by his hands.  Had they made him a monster or had one always been inside of him?

 

Maybe he could try, it wouldn’t hurt to try, to try and cut himself some slack.  Something of his decision must have shown on his face because she smiled at him.

 

‘Thank you Darcy.  I’m going to try Darcy.’

 

That was the best he could do right now and she must have read that in him.  With a nod she gave him another winning smile. 

 

‘I’ll take that for now,’ she pointed a finger at him, ‘But we will be working on that, believe you me.’

 

With the understanding between them he wondered what was next.  He had never imagined it would get this far, that she would be accepting, and in his corner.

 

‘So we have like a crap ton of stuff to talk about I know that, but it’s beautiful here and the weather is amazing and I think we could both use a little bit of beauty.’

 

Her elbow crooked his way he stared at her dumbfounded.  Darcy Lewis continued to knock him on his ass, he could hardly keep up with her, but if a pretty dame wanted a walk in the gardens then she would get one.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've tried to keep the locations as true to life as possible. I've never been to Rotterdam but there is an Arboretum and Tea House and Erasmus is located there. If I've done the city a disservice I apologize. 
> 
> Please read and review!


	4. Chapter 4

**_Darcy_ **

 

The day had ended up much better than Darcy could have imagined.  They had strolled through the botanical gardens, keeping the conversation light.  She told him about the desert and all the stars that you could see at night. He talked about what books he had read and what he had liked and not liked.

 

When she had found out about the lists, prefer and pass, she had been torn between cooing over how adorable that was to crying over his need for them.  She had vowed that if she could help with nothing else she could help with that.

 

Of course she had a million questions and she had a feeling that he had some of his own but it had been a long twenty-four hours for them both so they had gone their own way after swinging back by the tea house.

 

He had let her order for him and that had earned him a big smile, she got a small one in return.  Maybe she was kind of living for that smile, it was no one’s business but her own.

 

Back home she indulged in a long, hot bath and a glass of wine.  Pinning up her hair she added bubbles to the water and sank in gratefully, arm reaching over the side of the tub for the glass on the floor.  She had been happy that the apartment had come with a shower and separate tub, her income afforded her a little leeway in amenities. Along with a full size oven, she had been happy with her choice.

 

Jane had decided to stay on campus in faculty housing, easier to live there when she was juggling lectures and research.  Darcy hadn’t realized how much she had enjoyed living with someone. There were definite benefits to living alone, it had definitely been difficult to keep close quarters with her boss, but she had forgotten how quiet it would get alone.  

 

Despite the lovely kitchen she didn’t cook as much as she should, she used to cook for her and Jane, but cooking for one didn’t have the same appeal.  There might be a solution to that thought, she would let the idea simmer for now.

 

Letting the hot water and bubbles soothe her aches and calm her spirit, she picked up her phone, personal use only she promised herself.  Tumblr was predictably full of discord and drama and she loved it, her tags were on fire. 

 

She had started reading fanfiction in middle school and had never dropped the habit.  A few of her favorite authors had updated and she sipped at her wine as she decided which one to read first.

 

The text came as a surprise.  James rarely initiated contact, even though he responded immediately when she texted.  ‘Thought of you.’ The attached picture was of the night sky over the port, it wasn’t New Mexico but it was lovely.

 

Later she would blame the wine or the nostalgia or the simple fact that he had thought of her.  She took the selfie without hesitation, everything was covered up, but the setting implied things.  ‘Thinking of you.’ Yup, she was going to kick herself later, but she pressed the send button without reconsidering.  There were so many things that still needed to be figured out, throwing this into the equation was foolish.

 

Well it had been an intense day and a half and she was allowed a little foolishness.

 

Dropping her phone on the floor she slid down until she was fully submerged in the water.  Rising up with a gasp she suddenly realized that the big crazy thing was happening to her.  James had chosen her to confide in to befriend, this time she wasn’t on the sidelines, she was the star player.

 

Oh my God she was friends with the Winter Soldier.  

 

The once and famous Bucky Barnes was texting her on the regular, her mind was officially boggled.

 

She wondered if this was how Jane had felt after Thor, she wished there was a way to ask her without revealing why she had asked.  Her phone buzzed with an incoming message. Staring down at the screen she saw it was from James but not what it said, her nerves kicked in.  What if she had presumed too much, what if he didn’t like what he saw, what if he did? 

 

Shaking off her hand, she wiped it on the mint green towel draped over the edge of the tub.  Dreading what she would find she picked up the phone.

 

**_James_ **

 

Given what had transpired in the last twenty-four hours he relied solely on his training and ability to compartmentalize to get through his shift at work.  During his hour break he had sat back on the highest container in his section and laid back, the sky above him was enormous.

 

There were scattered memories of seeing the stars through the trees when he was on the front.  Nowhere else to look, nothing much to do, they did anything to distract themselves from the death that hung everywhere.  Now the stars made him think of Darcy, her stories of her time in the desert ran through his mind. He thinks he might like to visit the desert, the heat, yes he would prefer that he thinks.

 

Sending the picture of the sky had been an impulse, she had given him so much today the least he could do was send her the stars.

 

What he had gotten in return, he could still hardly believe it was real.

 

The sun was rising, he hadn’t slept in almost two days, he knew he could go longer without.  It had taken a long time to accept that he didn’t have to anymore, denying himself food and sleep had been automatic when he had first broken free.  He had not been used to doing for himself, he would simply run until he collapsed. Not having handlers telling him where to go, what to do, how to eat and sleep had left a huge gap that had taken time to overcome.

 

Even now he struggled with remembering to balance himself, it was instinctive to go into survival mode.  Fight and flee until safe. He was safe here in his small one room apartment. He knew the walls and ceilings and floors.  All the items inside were his, he knew the origin of every item, where he had gotten each thing and for what purpose. 

 

He was not sentimental, at least he didn’t think he was, he could walk away from everything and not look back, but he wasn’t walking away.  There was comfort in the walls around him and he was allowing himself to take that comfort.

 

They were providing little comfort now, as he lay in his bed, staring unseeing at the ceiling, all he could think on was the picture she had sent him.  ‘Thinking of you’ she had said. He was not too proud to admit that he had fumbled with his phone, nearly dropping it, when he had opened to find her covered in bubbles and smiling at him.

 

Lust raged through him as he fought the urge to grab his phone and grab his dick.  Knowing the attraction was there and acknowledging it were two totally different things.  The idea that she was attracted him, still attracted to him now that she knew, was almost too big to comprehend.

 

James remembered the soft skin Bucky Barnes had kissed, the warmth of a wet cunt around his cock, and the taste of a woman coming under his tongue.  There were memories of the Asset using and being used, James didn’t think too much on those. 

 

Since he had been on the run he had taken himself in hand, relieving the tension that would creep up on him, but he had not felt the touch of another person’s skin.  He wanted to touch Darcy, he wanted to undress her and taste her skin, breathe in the smell of her, he wasn’t worthy of her but that didn’t stop him from wanting her.

 

Compromising he slid his hand under the sheet and blanket, taking himself in hand, but he wouldn’t pick up the phone.  Not that he needed to see the picture, he remembered it, thought of the red of her lips, the bubbles resting over her breasts.

 

His hand began to stroke and twist.  Her hair had been up, he imagined a fist tightening in the curls, pulling her close for a kiss.  He could see himself in the bath with her, sliding behind her and spreading her legs wide with his knees.  His teeth would nip at her throat, a hand on those magnificent breasts, another sliding over her clit. 

 

Yes, he wanted her in that bath, he strokes grew faster, his thumb pulling back the foreskin and rubbing the sensitive tip of his dick.  Just thought of her mouth on his dick had his orgasm rushing through him. He came hard, white stars exploded behind closed eyes.

 

If he reacted this way to he could hardly imagine what it would be like in reality.

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

By some unspoken agreement they kept up their texting but had not arranged another meet.  The time apart was good. Not wanting to burn hot and cold she was glad that they were back to talking, back to sharing about their likes and dislikes and simply sharing things throughout the day.

 

Sharing when she was frustrated or bored with someone was lovely, she hadn’t had that connection with anyone in a long time.  On one particularly frustrating day, when she couldn’t manage to get the words right to convey the particulars in text, she finally asked.  

 

‘Can I call you?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

Smiling at her phone, mood already better, she could picture him reading her text and considering her question.  For no reason the thought of it made her smile.

 

‘Hey you.’

 

‘You okay?’

 

His voice was a low warmth in her ear.  Oh, they should have been doing this all along.  

 

‘It was just a long, frustrating day.  I wanted to hear your voice.’

 

The silence was a beat to long.

 

‘I’m here whenever you need me.’

 

Oh she was so screwed.

 

By the end of their conversation they had agreed to meet for lunch at the market tomorrow.  

 

There was a chill in the air as she made her way to the market, she enjoyed the deep breaths of cool air, clearing out her head and lungs.  The rain the past few days had kept her indoors, working out of cafes and once in Jane’s lab.

 

When she had first started working remotely she had made a decision to not work out of home.  She liked the separation from work and relaxation. In all honesty she was not quite sure she was disciplined enough yet to simply hang around all day and not get distracted by the tv or her bed.

 

The ritual of getting dressed, packing up, and going out had worked well so far.  Maybe once the bad weather settled in she might change her mind, but for now she had a system that worked.  

 

James was waiting for her when she got there, waving at him, she smiled when he stood as she approached.  Without thinking about it, and later she wondered if she should have second guessed the impulse, she went right in for a hug.  He was tense at first, but the split second before she was going to pull away he squeezed her back.

 

‘Don’t know if I’ll ever get used to that.’  The whisper against her hair tugged at her heart.

 

‘Well I am more than happy to help you try.’  She managed a laugh out of him at that.

 

The conversation came easily.  Darcy had never found it so easy to go from one topic to another, she had never had anyone pay such attention to her.  His focus on her was absolute, like he was memorizing everything she said and did.

 

‘So there are things we should probably talk about.’

 

His eyebrows rose.

 

‘I mean obviously not here and now  but I think we should.’

 

The line of his jaw was tight.  ‘You have questions.’

 

‘I do.  You could come over to my place, we could have dinner.  Or not. Or you could pick a place. But I could cook. I’m not great but I like too.  And I wouldn’t mind, unless you’d rather not.’

 

The nervous babble cut off on a short breath.  A smile was on his face and she felt the tension ease.

 

‘Dinner would be fine.  At your place. If you’re comfortable with that.’

 

‘I wouldn’t have offered otherwise.’

 

They agreed on the next evening.  Now she needed to come through on her offer and figure out what to do for dinner.

 

**_James_ **

 

Steve.  Punk. Shield.

 

The nightmare had folded him into the past, caught in the ice of the chamber and the burn of the chair.

 

Steve.  Punk. Shield.

 

Looking around the room he forced his eyes to focus on the familiar surroundings.  

 

Sink.  Window.  Door.

 

Sink.  Window.  Door.

 

Curls.  Lips. Red.

 

Curls.  Lips. Red.

 

Finally his breathing eased and the stone on his chest vanished.  

 

Sitting up his bare feet pressed onto the wood floor, further grounding him in the present.  The mechanics in his arm whirling and shifting as it adjusted to the movement.

 

Reaching for his cigarettes, he lit one, picking up the journal lying open on the floor.  He wrote down what he remembered, forcing the words onto the page, it helped, purging them from his mind.

 

Having something to look forward too was strange.  Routine had been good for him. His first few days and weeks after escape he had been nearly fanatical about his schedule, timing everything he did and planning each day to the limit.

 

There had been more than one frustrating day when the world around him had not bent to his rigid schedule and he had found himself upset and frustrated when he was thrown off his timeline. 

 

Learning to be flexible had been the first real break James had made from the Asset.  There would always be things he did. Recon, surveillance, security, and working out, but adapting those things to fit where he was living and what he was doing had allowed more leeway in where he could travel and stay.

 

Would he have liked to have had a restful sleep before heading out for his dinner, of course, but he had also learned to be more forgiving of his shortfalls.  Steadier now he stood and headed for the bathroom. 

 

Four hours until he had to leave and head to Darcy’s.

 

Bucky Barnes had insisted that he stop after work that morning and buy something appropriate to wear.

 

The Asset had wanted him to save the money.

 

James had swung by the thrift shop where he had bought some clothes when he had first arrived in town, surprised to find it open so early.  Buying clothes that were not to blend in or protect him from the elements had not been something he had done since before the war. Even then options had been limited, there wasn’t a lot to choose from for a poor guy from Brooklyn.

 

The amount of options, even second hand was staggering.  Quickly picking up some button down shirts in his size, he grabbed a pair of dark jeans, those he already had but were worn in the knee.  On impulse he picked up the thick, grey cardigan with brown patches on the elbows and big wooden buttons. It looked warm and he could never be warm enough.

 

The clothes had been washed and dried in the small combination unit next to the oven.  It was ridiculous how moony he was acting over a girl, a woman. Buying clothes and going to dinner, it went against everything that he knew would keep him safe, but was that all he had to look forward too?  Would the rest of his life be lived in fear and on the run?

 

Bucky Barnes told him that it would be letting HYDRA win if he kept hidden.

 

The Asset told him that hiding would keep him alive, and that there were fates worse than death.

 

James was well aware that there were worse things to happen to a person than dying but he also did not want to waste his hard earned freedom.  One person, Darcy, and one dinner, he was allowed to have that. He would be on guard, leave early and do some recon, but there was nothing in his gut telling him that he needed to run, not yet anyway.

 

Seems he had found a trustworthy and understanding person and she was keeping his secret.

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

The day had been hectic.  After agreeing to make dinner for them Darcy had gone home and realized she didn’t have enough stuff to make a proper dinner.  Especially one that fed super sized appetites. He had mentioned once that he pretty much ate on and off all day because of the serum.

 

She remembered reading how HYDRA would limit his caloric intake as a way of keeping him  docile and eager to earn rewards. The swell of rage at their treatment had her fumbling with the grocery bags.  Pushing the uncomfortable thought to the back of her mind she dropped the bags on the kitchen island and started pulling things out of the bags.

 

After working for a few hours that morning in the cafe down the street she had gone to the grocers and stocked up on what she would need for dinner.

 

Turning to the stove she hit the button to preheat, she was doing a roast, and wanted it to cook low and slow until it was time to serve.  Prepping the meat in the roasting pan with onions, garlic, salt and pepper, she set it in to cook and started on the sides. 

 

Mashed potatoes, asparagus with shallots, and fresh rolls.  Nothing fancy, and utterly American menu, but she thought he might appreciate the sentiment.  For dessert she had picked up a large NY style cheesecake. She had debated, there had been so many delicious looking local pastries, but she had kept with the theme.

 

With everything as prepped and ready to go as possible she glanced around.  The apartment, with its open floor plan, could do with a quick straightening up.  She ran the vacuum, stacked the magazines and research papers on the coffee table neatly and set the small dining room table for two.  Opening the curtains, the afternoon light coming in, she cracked a window, the cool breeze refreshing.

 

Her bathroom was spotless, a habit she had picked up in college, sharing a bathroom had made her fanatical about hygiene.  The same couldn’t be said for her bedroom, not that she thought they would be heading in there tonight, she still made up the bed and put the assorted clothes on the floor into the hamper.  

 

By the time she had taken a quick shower and managed to get her hair in some semblance of functioning curls, she put the sides in the oven and on the stove top to reheat and went to work on her eyeliner.  Debating whether or not she should wear a skirt, she settled on dark wash skinny jeans and a mint green blouse with cap sleeves. Feminine but not too fancy. 

 

The knock on the door came just as the red of her lipstick set.

 

Taking a deep breath she walked to the door, she was so ready for this.

 

**_James_ **

 

He was so not ready for this.  

 

He had almost turned around a dozen times on the way to her place.  Nothing had stood out on his recon, there was still no chatter on the various wires, and there was nothing out of sorts in her neighborhood.

 

A part of him might have been disappointed, had there been something amiss, he could have bailed.  James would never liked to be called a coward but the idea that she had been true to her word about keeping his secret, that she was waiting for him to come over for dinner, was terrifying.  

 

Good things hadn’t happened to him in so long, he didn’t want to screw it up.  And of the two of them he was certain that he would be the one to do the screwing up, it had boiled down to not taking a chance and guaranteed on missing out on something good or take a chance, and maybe get some good out of it even if it eventually went bad.

 

Talking himself in circles had driven up his anxiety.

 

Curls.  Red. Lips.

 

Curls.  Red. Lips.

 

Grounding himself he ran his hands down the front of the dark purple button down.  The fit was good enough, he still had full range of movement, it was the nicest thing he had worn since he could not remember when.  He had shaved his face clean, the voice of Bucky Barnes scolding him if he showed up to a pretty dame’s for dinner with scruff.

 

At the last minute he had stopped into the corner store, the stores in her neighborhood were a lot nicer than where he lived, and bought a small bouquet of flowers.  Nothing fancy, but he thought she might like the bright colors, the red of the mums reminded him of her lips.

 

Now that he was at her place, flowers in hand, he could hear her moving towards the door he wondered if he should have brought something else, wine or-

 

-’Hey you.’

 

Her smile of welcome eased away his doubts.  Offering a small smile in return he handed her the bouquet.

 

‘Hey yourself.’

 

‘These are beautiful.  I can’t remember the last time I got flowers.  Come in.’

 

He followed her into the room, looking around as she shut and locked the door behind him.  The living space was large but not too big, there was a grey couch facing a fireplace that had a large tv hanging over it.  There was a wall full of windows showing the lights of the city. To the right was the kitchen, which was dominated by a large island, where Darcy now stood arranging the flowers into a blue pitcher.

 

Whatever was cooking smelled amazing.  ‘Smells really good in here.’ Her smiled beamed over at him.  

 

‘Thanks, it’s been in all day, should be done soon.’  She offered him a beer, which he took with a thanks.

 

‘I’m guessing the alcohol doesn’t do much for you?’

 

He shrugged.  

 

‘Can’t get drunk anymore but it takes better than the swill we used to drink.’

 

‘Thor wasn’t affected by our Midgardian ale either.  He brought some Asgardian mead to dinner once and oh my God let me tell you, one thimble full and I was done.’

 

Conversation flowed easy between them, he helped her carry the plates and bowls of food to the table, his stomach rumbling at the smells.  Sitting across from her, he stole a second just to look at her. She was stunning, curves and smiles and her lips, he was positive she could level him with those lips.

 

‘What?’

 

Caught, he stared down at his now full plate.

 

‘You’re beautiful.’

 

Darcy gaped at him, mouth opening and then closing.  He had surprised her. 

 

‘Thank you.  It’s nice to hear that.’  There was doubt in her voice, he didn’t like it one bit, but said nothing.

 

‘You can take them off if you want too.’

 

Confused he followed her eyes to his gloved hands.  Automatically his fingers flexed into fists. 

 

‘I don’t want to frighten you.’

 

Her face scrunched up at that.  ‘I don’t scare easily. Besides it’s just a hand.’

 

Just a hand, his metal arm was more than just anything, it was a constant reminder of what they had forced onto him.  But he didn’t say anything just pulled off the right and then the left glove, tucking them into the pocket of the jacket he had draped over the back of his chair.

 

He tried not to look, not to watch her as she looked at his hand, but he forced himself too.  Prepared for revulsion he was surprised to find her face open and curious. Her eyes swung up to his when she felt his stare.

 

‘Sorry.  Don’t mean to stare, but it’s really cool looking.’

 

Cool looking, he looked at his hand, the silver plates shifting as he folded and unfolded it into a fist.  He had never considered that it was anything other than another thing that made him an abomination.

 

‘The tech that went into that is seriously advanced.’

 

She went on to talk about her work at the VA the summer before her internship with Jane.  There had been amputees with all sorts of high tech prosthetics, but nothing that was even close to what he had apparently.

 

‘I’ve never thought about it like that.’

 

Darcy looked over at him.

 

‘It’s a part of you, I know it’s origins suck, but now you’re choosing to do something else with it than what they intended and that’s what’s important.  You could use it to knit or play the violin or kick proverbial HYDRA butt. Whatever strikes your fancy.’

 

He smiled.  Her words, he had no idea how to convey what her words meant to him.

 

‘I’ll try to keep that in mind.’

 

The first bite of food was bliss.  He didn’t do anything as crass as moan, but she must have seen the appreciation on his face.

 

‘Good huh?’

 

He could only nod, mouth already full again.

 

‘I’m guessing you don’t get many home cooked meals?’

 

Shaking his head he took a roll out of the basket and swiped it through the brown gravy that soaked the mashed potatoes.

 

‘You can’t live on carry out.  We’ll fix that.’

 

He wasn’t sure what she meant by that but he wasn’t opposed to finding out.

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

Dinner had gone well.  She had carried the conversation while he ate most of the food and she had been totally fine with that.

 

There were already plans forming in her head, more meals she could make for him, it was nice to cook for someone again, and more importantly things she could show him to make for himself.

 

Dishes cleared, the cheesecake was resting on the island, they waited for the coffee to brew, a respectable three feet between them.  She wasn’t feeling very respectable, not with the way the shirt, in a color that looked great on him, pulled tight against his skin. 

 

There were muscles on top of muscles.  Even with the distance between them she felt tiny.  He was around six foot she guessed, and with the thick soled boots, probably a couple inches over that.  In her brightly patterned socks she felt how short her 5 foot 1 inch was compared to him. Not so much as to feel overwhelming, but it certainly gave her ideas about where her bits and his bits would line up, lots of ideas.

 

She couldn’t think about those ideas right now, not when she had questions and like real legit things to discuss before she thought about how their parts fit together.  Not sure how to bring it up, what was the best way to ask if they were a weak spot? All in she supposed.

 

‘So.’

 

He angled towards her.

 

‘So.’

 

Smiling she waved a hand between them.

 

‘I like this, us, whatever it could be or might be, but-’

 

She could almost see him tense waiting on the other shoe to drop.

 

‘-I need to know for sure that knowing me won’t put you in danger.  Like for real.’

 

‘You got that backwards doll, I’m the one putting you in danger.’

 

Frowning she kept her hands busy, pouring two cups of coffee and pulling out milk and sugar, she liked too much of both in hers.  What he said made sense, she might not like it, but knowing him did put her in danger, not liking it didn’t mean she wasn’t going to face it.

 

‘Okay, so you think me knowing you puts me in danger, what because they could use me against you?’

 

Taking the cup he offered he nodded, jaw clenched shut tight.

 

‘That’s exactly right.’

 

‘Well I’m worried that knowing me might put you in danger, so we'll just have to do deal with that.’

 

He wore confusion adorably.

 

‘Look, if they used me to get to you, to get you back, I could not deal with that.  Even if I survived a HYDRA kidnapping attempt or whatever, but if I did and I knew they had you because of me, that would be not cool.’

 

‘I don’t know what to say to that.’

 

‘There’s nothing that can be said.  It’s a possibility, but I’m tougher than I look.’

 

At his sceptical look she grinned.

 

‘I’ve seen some shit my dude, trust me, all you got going on barely makes the top three of my weird.’

 

‘You’re something else.’

 

That was probably the nicest way she had heard someone say that.

 

‘I’d like to hear about that top three.’

 

‘I’d like to tell you about them.’

 

Over coffee and pie he told her about his trigger words, what to do if someone ever started to say them.  The word he wrote down and slid over on a folded piece of paper was tucked out of sight in her back pocket.  There was already an outline of what she needed to research regarding brainwashing and trigger words and how to remove them.

 

There might be someone who could help, but she wanted to make some calls before she said anything to James.  She didn’t want to get his hopes up, in her circles of geniuses, the one who she thought could help might be the smartest of the bunch.

 

Not wanting to push her luck, but she wanted to ask, wanted to see and she knew it would be best to get it out of the way.

 

‘I want to ask you something, and before I do I want you to know that you can 100% say no.’

 

**_James_ **

 

He couldn’t imagine what she could ever ask him that he would turn down.

 

‘Okay.’

 

There was pause before she took a deep breath and walked around the island to stand next to where he sat on the barstool.  Twisting to his left so he was facing, it was not lost on him how intimate the position was, she was nearly standing between his open knees.

 

‘If you’re comfortable with it I would like to see your arm.’

 

Well that was not what he was expecting.

 

‘My arm.’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘You want to see it?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Why?’

 

There was no way he could keep the shock and simple incredulity out of his voice.

 

‘Because it’s a part of you.  Because your hand looks cool. Because I want to get it out of the way so you can stop covering up in front of me.’

 

Giving him a shrug, she waited while he processed what she said.

 

Bucky Barnes was urging him to strip.

 

The Asset warned him not to be caught off guard.

 

James didn’t know what to think but he started unbuttoning his shirt without second guessing himself.  Her eyes followed the movements of his hands, his eyes never left her face. There was a black tank top on under the button down, he left that on, simply pushing the shirt off his shoulders until they fell onto the chair behind him.

 

The plates shifted as he extended his arm towards her, palm up.  

 

‘May I?’

 

Her small hand hovered over his palm, she looked up at him, and he nodded.  Throat tight, he didn’t think anyone had willingly touched him in years. Not since their hug.

 

Her fingers pressed lightly onto his wrist, her other hand coming up to cup his hand.  The heat of her hands sent jolts through the nerves and ran like liquid fire up and down his spine.  

 

‘Can you feel that?’

 

Not sure he could trust his voice he nodded.

 

‘Amazing.’

 

Her fingers slipped up his forearm, plates shifting, he wriggled in his seat.  She glanced up at him.

 

‘Are you okay?’

 

‘Yeah.’  His voice was rough.  ‘Just not used to anyone touching me is all.’

 

Avoiding her eyes he concentrated on where her fingers sat against his arm.  

 

Fingers slid around his elbow to his bicep.

 

‘I bet finding shirts to fit is a bitch.’

 

The comment startled a laugh out of him and the tension eased out him, what she had intended he supposed.

 

She asked him a few questions, what he felt, what the limitations were, if he remembered getting it.  By then she was standing well within the v of his legs, one hand on his right arm, the other on the scarred skin where shoulder met metal.

 

He could think of no other time he has been more at ease, here he was, fed and warm, with a beautiful woman within arms reach.  A woman who knew who he really was and was still here, still accepting of him, all of him.

 

Bucky Barnes was urging him to kiss her, to ask if he could kiss her.

 

The Asset, surprisingly, had nothing to add, he was fascinated by her touches to their arm.

 

James thought it was too soon for kissing, he wanted one, more than he had wanted anything in ages.  

 

‘Those looking like some heavy thoughts.’  Darcy still had her arms on him, both hands back on his left, her nails running along the plates was distracting.

 

‘Just haven’t had this, felt this, in a long time.’  That hardly seemed to be an adequate description for what he was feeling, but revealing more might be too much.  ‘Best night I’ve had since the war.’

 

Her smile was wide and lit up her face.  ‘You’re doing wonders for my ego, I’m definitely keeping you.’

 

That he could absolutely get behind.

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**_Darcy_ **

 

Over the next month Darcy found most of her free time spent with James.  They usually ended up at her place, he would meet her at the market sometimes, quietly reading while she worked and then they would pick up something to make for dinner.

 

They were dating, sort of.

 

There were hugs, she would not be denied that pleasure, and she would slip her arm through his when they walked together.  The first time he had put his hand at the small of her back her smile hadn’t left her face for an hour after.

 

Despite the evenings together on her sofa, her reading, him working through his sudoku book, her feet tucked under his thigh, there was nothing more.  She would have thought he wasn’t interested in her like that, but she’s not stupid or blind, she has seen the way he looks at her. Sometimes he looks when he doesn’t think she is paying attention and sometimes, when he first catches sight of her after not seeing her for a couple of days, the look on his face is raw.

 

So the attraction is there, they enjoy each other’s company, she has successfully turned him into a competent sous chef.  The only thing that is missing is the ‘more’ that she knows she wants and is fairly certain he wants. 

 

Normally she would have no problem making the first move, she had successfully and unsuccessfully done so before.  Things were different with James, he had been through so much, the last thing she wanted to do was pressure him into something he wasn’t ready for, or make him feel like he had to do something to appease her.

 

That meant rather than simply crawling into his lap during their next movie night they were going to have a conversation.  True, she could just ignore it, just leave things unsaid, but that wasn’t in her nature.

 

They were adults, she could adult, and having a conversation was something adults did.  

 

Right, she could do this.  Picking up her phone she thumbed over the keyboard trying to find the right words.

 

‘Hey are you still coming over tonight?’

 

That was stupid, she knew he was, he had said he would and he had yet to bail on her.

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Is that okay?’

 

God, she was an idiot.  

 

‘Yes, of course.  Any requests for dinner?’

 

The last thing she wanted was for him to think something was wrong.

 

‘We could try that pizza recipe you found?’  

 

Right, she forgot about that, it was actually a great idea.  They worked well together in the kitchen. He was patient and listened to everything she suggested, and he just had that knack for mixing things together that people either had or didn’t have.

 

Doing a quick mental check of what she had on hand, she thought she had most of what they needed.  She could start the red sauce now, and she had everything for the dough.

 

‘That sounds perfect, can you pick up some fresh mozzarella and whatever strikes your fancy for toppings?’

 

‘I can do that.’

 

‘You sure everything is okay?’

 

Ugh, she could kick herself.  Whatever she said now, she knew he would either think she was lying or he would obsess over what she wanted to talk about if she admitted that she wanted to have a conversation.  Not at all how she wanted to start things.

 

‘Everything is fine.  I’m hoping it could get even better, we will talk about it tonight.’

 

There that sounded good, reassuring, honest and hopefully it wouldn’t make him worry until he got here.

 

Her hope dimmed when she heard nothing back from him.  Three hours later and now she was the one who was worrying.

 

Dinner was usually around 7, which meant he came over around 6 so they could get everything done.  Since he worked nights, he would hang out until he had to leave for work, she had wondered when he got sleep.  She loved sleeping, dreaming, and when he had said he didn’t do much of the first and little of the latter she had been sad for him.

 

The one time he had fallen asleep on her sofa, head curled in her lap, she had played with his hair and ignored her need to pee and the dying battery on her phone.  She hadn’t moved until some internal clock had awoken him and he had sat up abruptly. His mortification at falling asleep had been adorable, she didn’t know if it was his 40’s sensibilities or the Soldiers’ training but he had been adorably embarrassed.

 

Darcy really shouldn’t think the former assassin Winter Soldier should be as adorable as he was.  

 

By 5:30 she was pacing, she had nearly burnt her finger off moving the pan of sauce, and had spilled flour all over herself.  She was debating whether or not to text him when the phone in her hand lit up with a message.

 

‘I’ll be there in ten.’

 

Oh, thank heavens.  

 

‘Great.  Sauce is almost ready!’  Cool and calm like she wasn’t freaking out ten seconds ago, she was such a mess.  She almost sent emojis, almost. A total and complete human disaster. 

 

When he knocked, she shouted that it was open.  More than once he had berated her for keeping the door unlocked, even when she argued that the only people who came over were him and Jane.  

 

Meeting him as he came into the kitchen she made a point to wrap him in a big hug, looking up and catching his eyes.  Yup, there was the line of tension between his eyes. Rubbing her right thumb there until the muscles eased she squeezed him with her left arm.

 

‘I’m an idiot and I’ve made you worry, and I am so sorry.’

 

She didn’t get him to completely relax but she got a slight upturn of his lips, she would take that for now.  

 

‘Come on, let’s prep.’

 

Conversation didn’t flow as easy as it had some evenings, but she kept up a steady stream of chatter in between pizza making instructions.  Of course he was great at kneading the dough, she had invested in a box of extra large disposable gloves so he could help with prep and not worry about his prosthetic and yes, that was what she insisted it be called.  He had tried to explain that it was both more and less than a prosthetic, but she refused to hear it. 

 

Once the pizzas were cooking, ham and feta for him, too many toppings to list for her, she took a seat next to him at the kitchen a beer over to him she took a long drag from hers.

 

‘Are we talking now?’  He wasn’t looking at her, instead he was intensely focused on peeling the label off his bottle.

 

Twisting in her chair until she was facing him she gave him a big, ‘Yup.’  

 

This was important, very important, she absolutely could not screw this up.

 

‘I like you, you know that right?  That I really like you.’

 

Talking to his profile she could see the face he made.

 

‘But, it sounds like there would be a but at the end of that statement.’

 

Rolling her eyes, she placed her hand on his arm, the metal warming at her touch.  ‘No but, well kind of.’ She was messing this up.

 

He turned his head, she could absolutely tell he was bracing himself for bad news.

 

‘I like you a lot.  And I think you like me a lot.’  She didn’t wait for his answer. ‘And I was hoping to find out if you were interested in more than just friendship.  I mean we are friends, really good ones, and I do not want to lose that, but I think we could be more. You don’t have to say anything now and no matter what you decide I will still be your friend.’

 

**_James_ **

 

The words she said registered, but they didn’t make sense, she wanted more from him?  She was interested in him as more than a friend and wanted to try?

 

Bucky Barnes was giddy, urging him to get his head out of his ass and say yes.

 

The Asset did not see the need for their to be further complications a sexual component would bring.

 

James’ brain whited out at the thought of sex with Darcy.

 

Too late he realized that he had not answered her and she had moved back into the kitchen and was washing what few dishes were in the sink.  The line of her back spoke to nerves. He hadn’t answered and now she was nervous.

 

Did he want more with Darcy?  Of course he did, the thought occupied all his free time.  He had never imagined that she would want that too. Well that wasn’t true, he knew that she was attracted to him, but acting on it, taking that next step in their relationship was something else entirely.

 

God, he wanted that, wanted to be the one that she chose to share her intimacies with.  He wanted that more than he thinks he has ever wanted anything before. 

 

Could they have that?  All the dangers that were realities in a friendship would still be there if they became closer, he still didn’t think that he was worth what she offered, but he acknowledged that it was her decision to include him  in her life in whatever capacity.

 

Looking over at her, she was wiping the counters now, scrubbing at the granite with towels and cleaner, not turning towards him she called out that the pizza’s would be done in five.

 

‘We never talked about dessert, we should do that.  Talk about dessert. I think I have the basics, we could do sugar cookies, or peanut butter cookies.’  There was a flush running up the side of her neck, she was embarrassed and it was in his power to fix that.

 

Maybe doing this, doing something good and right by her would count for something against all the things he had done wrong.  Unable to watch her move around awkwardly he slid quietly off the stool and snuck up behind her silently on stocking feet. Before she realized he was there and he could second guess himself he wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing against her back and trapping her against the counter.

 

They had hugged before, often, she had insisted and he was not about to turn her down.  Darcy was the only person who had touched him with kindness and his consent since he had fallen from that wretched train.

 

This hold was different, he had initiated it for one, curling himself around her from behind and dropping his chin on her head.  He heard her gasp of surprise and tried not to be distracted by the feel of her breasts where they pressed against his forearms. 

 

She was so tiny, he could easily forget how much taller and broader he was than her.  Darcy was one of those people, the ones that others gravitated towards, pulled in by the shine of who she was.  Bucky Barnes had been one of those people before he left for the war. Steve Rogers had been one of those people after he left for the war.

 

‘All of  the reasons why we shouldn’t have been friends still apply.’

 

‘I know.’

 

‘I don’t know how long I can stay here, I’ve already been here longer than anywhere else.’

 

‘I know.’

 

‘No matter what we decide to do or if I have to leave, I want you to know that you already have my heart and I would be leaving my heart with you.’

 

The words, absolutely true, came out as a surprise to both of them.  There were depths in him that he was unaware of. When he felt her left arm lift  he braced himself for her to push him away, rather than reject him she slid her hand through his hair.  Nails scraping across his scalp lit his entire body on fire, he could get used to that, would like to get used to that.

 

‘I want you to kiss me now.  Do you want to?’

 

It warmed his heart that she asked him, she always made sure to ask and give options, she spoiled him with consideration and kindness.  

 

‘I want nothing more in the world than to do that.’

 

This was happening, she was turning in his arms, this was going to happen.

 

With her hands on his shoulders she boosted herself on the counter, she didn’t let go him, rather, she opened her legs, slipped her hands back into his hair and pulled him close.

 

Between her legs, she trapped him there with her feet on the backs of his thighs.  He wasn’t going anywhere though, not until she was done with him. Not sure what to do with his hands he rested them on her waist, his right thumb finding a bit of skin where her shirt had lifted.

 

‘There’s no kissing going on yet.’

 

She gave him a pout, he smiled back, slow and lazy.  ‘I’m admiring the view, you’re so damn beautiful doll.  Can’t say that I really believe I’m here.’

 

‘Oh, you’re here alright.’  To prove her point she scratched her nails across his scalp, back arching automatically, he pressed tighter against her.

 

‘Someone likes that I see.’

 

Like was not a strong enough word for how he felt about what she was doing to him.

 

‘You could say that.’

 

Her smile lit up the room and him with it.  Braver now, he ran the fingers of his right hand over the apple of her cheeks, across her lips, he drew a line down her nose.  Her skin was so soft, pale against his perpetually tan skin, she had laughed at that, asking how he kept so fit and tan when he was either working or eating with her.

 

The serum took care of the food, he ran hot and burned calories at ridiculous rates.  He had some weights at his place and the work he did was constant heavy lifting, pushing and pulling enormous pallets of product.  She had thanked the gods of manual labor and poked him in the bicep.

 

‘What are you thinking?’  Her eyes were closed, but she smiled with the question.

 

‘I’m marveling at how soft your skin is and wondering how it will feel under my lips.’

 

Blue eyes popped open and he saw that her pupils had blown out at his words.

 

‘James Barnes you are a smooth operator aren’t you?’

 

The grin he gave her was pure Bucky Barnes, he had been all too willing to loan it out.    

 

‘Only for you, doll.’

 

Cupping her cheek he leaned in close, giving her time to stop him if she changed her mind.

 

‘Yes,’ he asked?

 

‘Yes.’

 

Their lips pressed together, feelings sweep through him, right, home, safe, love, lust.

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

Any doubts that Darcy might have had that he wasn’t really into her evaporated the moment his tongue slid against hers.  The kiss went from exploratory to positively filthy in the span of a heartbeat. Yes, this was the best idea she had probably ever had. 

 

Because she could she slid her hands down his back, making sure to scratch a line as she went and grabbed that ass.  That ass that had appeared in her late night and occasional daytime musings. His grunt of appreciation not go unnoticed.  

 

He pulled back, she might have pouted, whatever, his lips should be registered.  His kiss redirected to her neck and she forgot her annoyance. Yes, please that. 

 

‘Fuck, doll, you trying to kill me?’

 

She laughed, hardly believing that the breathy sound had come from her, she didn’t think she had ever made a sound quite that wanton before.

 

‘Maybe?  But what a way to go.’

 

Pulling back, he studied her face, the smile coming in slow and it did  _ things _ to her.  Gods, if she was this far gone from one kiss and a handful of touches she could hardly imagine what she would end up as once they really got down to business.

 

‘Can’t say I disagree, doll.’

 

Doll, she was absolutely digging the nickname.  He had let it slip once or twice, along with that Brooklyn accent that she adored, the more relaxed he was, the more at ease, the stronger they came on.  Hearing that on the regular would be perfectly fine with her.

 

The evidence that not all of him was at ease was pressed against her and she was so okay with that.  Rocking forward, wanting the contact, wanting that friction, she took advantage when his head fell back with a groan, licking a line up his throat and biting at the soft skin over his pulse.

 

‘Jesus Fucking Christ, woman, you-’

 

The words died off when she bit at him again, the hand in her hair tugged, hard and she moaned.  It looked like they both liked a little pain with their pleasure and she was so onboard with finding out about that and any other proclivities he might have or might want to explore.  

 

There was a box in her closet that she desperately wanted to explore with him, if he was amenable to even  _ half _ of what she had in there she would the happiest person on the planet.  Her instincts were telling her that the percentage would be higher given his reaction to her nips and tucks.

 

Before either of them to make a move at more, the timer on the oven went off, making them both jump.  Their eyes met and she couldn’t help but to smile wide at him, it quickly turned into a laugh and she just couldn’t not hug him.

 

‘Thank you.’

 

‘The hell are you thanking me for?’

 

She tucked her face into his neck.

 

‘Because you’re awesome.  Because you survived. Because you chose me.’

 

His bark of laughter rumbled against her.

 

‘You’re crazy you know that?  Anyone doing the thanking around here it should be me, thanking you for even looking twice at me, thanking you for letting me anywhere near you, much less lay hands on you.’

 

‘Let’s just agree to disagree then.’  Pulling back enough to press a kiss to that damn dimple in his chin, she caught his eyes, ‘And for the record I want your hands and more all over me.’

 

The oven timer went off again but she couldn’t be bothered to care about their soon to be burnt pizzas, not when his eyes were so focused on her, pupils blown, and she absolutely knew he was thinking through things he wanted to do with her, to her.  Yup, screw the pizzas.

 

Her stupid stomach growled, breaking the spell.

 

‘I guess we should dinner, huh?’

 

With a nod he stepped back and moved to the stove to turn off the time and pulled the pizzas out of the oven with his left hand.  The first time he had done that, sans oven mitt, she had had a freak out. She had been convinced it had hurt him and she was not going to tolerate him doing anything that hurt, n0t on her watch.  He had promised that he registered the heat, but the mechanics masked the intensity, like the way she felt the heat through the mitt but it didn’t hurt. She wasn’t sure she believed him, wasn’t sure the tech could be that precise, but she respected him and if he could handle it she would too.

 

Dinner was a bit of a blur, later she would have been hard pressed to describe anything about the pizza, she assumed it turned out well.  James had eaten all of his and the rest of hers, she had eaten two and a half slices, but she was much more interested in the man sitting next to her on the sofa than the pie slices on her plate.

 

With the ice broken she was taking full advantage of the intimacy between them.  With each whispered ‘Is this okay’ she would learn the feel of some new part of him under her fingers after his rumbled consent.  In between bites she ran a hand across his jaw, a thumb pressed against the dip between his collarbones, knuckles dug into the very nice muscles of a thigh, and of course ran fingers through his hair.

 

‘Can I ask you something?’

 

His eyes immediately found hers, not concerned, her voice had been level, curious, and he was curious in return.

 

‘Anything.’

 

Ha!  He absolutely did not want to give her carte blanche.  ‘Hardly, but seriously, may I?’

 

With a frown he insisted that he was serious, ‘I wouldn’t keep anything from you.  I wouldn’t want too.’

 

Immediately she softened and leaned in to press a kiss to his lips because she could and she wanted too.

 

‘I like that,’ he murmured against her mouth.

 

‘I like doing that,’ she smiled back.  

 

‘Your question?’

 

Right, she had gotten distracted by the lips, he literally had the best mouth on any human, anywhere.  Actually he had the best everything out of anyone, anywhere, the man was gorgeous, but she was getting distracted again.

 

‘My question is, what is with the hair?’

 

She had been wondering that since she had first seen him.  Yes, he rocked it, she was pretty sure that he was the kind of person that could rock any look, but it just didn’t seem like  _ him _ .  Thinking that it was the wrong look on him before she had met him she had definitely thought that after she had gotten to know him.  

 

And of course she was certain that he could rock any look because his look of confusion was adorable and she had to stop herself from pinching his cheeks.

 

**_James_ **

 

‘My hair?’

 

She nodded her head, ‘Yeah.  It’s not a big deal, but it just doesn’t feel like it’s your style.’

 

Darcy could have asked him anything, literally anything, and he would have answered.  There were some things he really didn’t want to share, but he would have if she had asked.  She had chosen to ask about his hair, he wondered if she would ever not surprise him, he hoped not.

 

So he told her.  Told her that Bucky Barnes had kept his hair short and tight, slicked back on top.  How HYDRA had kept the Asset’s hair long, he had not known the why behind that. He guessed that they hadn’t shaved his head because it made it easier to move among civilians unnoticed.  People would notice a large man with a shaved head, that look inspired a certain stereotype. Trimming the length was faster and easier than maintaining an uppercut.

 

At least that is what he hoped was the reason.  There were aspects of certain missions that the Asset kept locked away, things that he had done and had been done to him that the Asset did not want him to know about and James had enough of an idea that he was okay with that.  

 

When he told her that he had trouble looking in the mirror, that he was getting better at it, she took his hand, lacing their fingers together.  Explaining that he wasn’t Bucky Barnes and he wasn’t the Asset but they were still in there took some time. 

 

Darcy had asked questions, asked him to explain what he had meant by that, that they were still in there.  She wondered if he had considered trying a completely different hairstyle. Would Bucky or the Asset take over one day and not know her?

 

‘No, God, no, it’s not like that.  I promise. I’m me, I am James Buchanan Barnes, growing up I was Bucky Barnes, HYDRA called me the Asset, the Winter Soldier.  I am all of them, but I’m me.’

 

He wasn’t explaining it right.  This was going to be it, the one thing that pushes her too far, he was a nutter and she wouldn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

 

‘I can see that.  It makes sense. I mean I am Darcy May at home and I had some shitty nicknames in high school.  So yeah, I get that.’

 

All he could do was stare at her, gobsmacked, while she took another bite of pizza.  She was serious? He could hardly believe it, he closed his mouth before he said something stupid and sappy.

 

‘I will always know you.  In any life, with any name.’  Okay maybe he let himself get carried away but she brought out a part of him he thought had died with that fall.  

 

Before she could reply he grinned, ‘And I haven’t considered any new styles.  Did you have any suggestions?’

 

‘You!’

 

‘Me?’

 

‘You!  You can’t just say things like that.  I mean you can, obviously, but you need to warn a girl.  Especially this girl who is in no way prepared because she had never heard words like that before outside of a Hallmark movie.’

 

He muttered something about the idiots living in this century.  How she hadn’t heard that and better was beyond him. That she was unattached still blew his mind, not that that hadn’t worked out in his favor, but she was a hell of a woman.  Smart and gorgeous and kind, what else were people nowadays looking for?

 

Luckily he kept  _ that _ to himself but something must have shown on his face because she grinned and pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

 

‘You’re wonderful and I’m keeping you.’

 

Grinning he kissed her cheek.  ‘Glad to hear it, doll.’

 

‘And of course I have ideas.’  She tugged a loose strand of hair.  ‘I have the best ideas.’

 

She absolutely did.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are finally earning that mature rating! You have been warned.

**_Darcy_ **

 

All in all Darcy could say life was pretty freaking awesome these days.  She had multiple jobs that she loved, was living in a great apartment in a cool European city, and had a smoking hot maybe boyfriend.

 

Yup, it was as good as it had ever been for her.  A part of her, the part that held all the practicalities of life, was waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for whatever bad was out there ready to come and fuck up some part of her happy.  She would deal with it, she was good at dealing with the bad, but until then she would for real enjoy the multitudes of good.

 

Jane was thriving, her business was flourishing and she was getting some pretty hot and heavy over the clothes action on the regular.  Okay so maybe there was one thing that was missing. Sex, she was missing sex, but they were working their way up to that.

 

She knew he wanted her, cared about her and knew that she reciprocated those feelings.  To be honest it was nice taking things slow. Darcy had never been in a relationship where there was as much emphasis on feelings and getting to know one another as there was on the hot and heavy.  Relationships in the past had been casual, based on attraction or friendship or both, but they had never meant as much as even a fraction of what she had with James.

 

Sure, she would love to explore a lot more than she had, taste and touch more skin and finally, finally see what the weight of him on her while inside her felt like.  But they did other things. She was never left unsatisfied even if she was unfulfilled. Whatever, she refused to let her libido dictate her life, they would get there when they were both ready and she knew he was close, it would happen when it was right.

 

At first she had been predictably confused and frustrated by the no sex boundary, but they had done that adult thing and did the awkward thing with the talking and the sharing.  James wanted too, really, really wanted too, but he was concerned about losing control, feared how he would react once he was that vulnerable. Without jumping to conclusions she thought about what he said, long and hard, and had come to see it from his perspective.

 

She loved that rush that came with partnered orgasms, that white hot bliss when sex was great and the stars aligned, and you left your body.  That loss of control felt so good to her, she loved it, but yes, she could see how, for someone like James, it could be a bad thing.

 

So they were working it out, testing their mutual limits, and finding things that worked.  She absolutely did not mind all the practice and it meant a lot that he trusted her to be the one to help him figure things out.

 

There was only one other wrinkle between them and she was determined to smooth it out.  Jane was super important to her, as was James, and she wanted those two great things to combine into a meet.  He had been hesitant the first time she had brought it up, but had not said no outright. She would ask if he wanted to meet Jane and he would tell her not yet, but to ask him again later.  The last time she had brought it up, he had given it a 7 second consideration before saying not yet, which was two seconds longer than last time so she was clearly making inroads. They would get there, hopefully, if not she would understand, she wouldn’t like it but she knew the why behind it.

 

Tonight she wasn’t going to bring it up, tonight was about exploration and food and maybe, finally a haircut.  She had gone over a few ideas with him, going to a salon was absolutely out of the question, he would never be able to sit in one of those chairs or allow someone with shears anywhere near his back.  Darcy had suggested that she do it, and he had considered it, ultimately agreeing to try. 

 

They had done some dry runs, trying to figure out where he was most comfortable, the kitchen, and where he was okay with her standing.  The last try had been an odd choice but he had tolerated it, she had sat on the island, facing the living room and he had stood between her legs.  Using her fingers as ‘shears’ she had pretended to cut his bangs as he rested his hands on her thighs and kept his eyes focused on her face. He had been fine with that and with the work she did when he stood to his left and then to his right.  It was the back that he was struggling with. 

 

He wasn’t afraid of her at his back, he had reassured her that that wasn’t the case.  James absolutely trusted her there and had in fact relaxed against her on the sofa, her arms wrapping around him, from behind.  He favored sitting like that, it delighted her to no end that he was the little spoon, like it melted her heart into a little puddle of goo.

 

His concern was a flashback, something about the noise or the brush against his hair that might trigger a violent reaction.  So she had adapted, she had helped destroy dark elves, she could help her maybe boyfriend avoid a PTSD episode by adapting a haircut to fit his needs.  A whole lot of youtube tutorials later and she was fairly certain she could manage the style he had picked. 

 

James had wanted her to pick something, she refused, wanting him to pick, and they had eventually compromised.  She had picked several styles that she thought suited him, were different than what he had now and the old pictures she had found of Bucky Barnes, and what she realistically thought she could pull off with just scissors.  He didn’t think he could handle clippers and she wasn’t going to force the issue.

 

In case tonight was the night she had ordered a super nice hair cutting kit.  Like she had done the research and ordered it on Amazon, she totally splurged and knew he would have balked at how much it had cost, but she had the money and wanted to spend it on him.  She had also bought him a really nice shaving kit with a a nice metal razor and an old school straight razor, they were all about choices these days. Admitting that she would like to give him a hot shave one day had led to more time on youtube tutorials. 

 

Yes, she was slightly obsessive about things, but at least this was for the greater good.  Just in case, she cleaned the kitchen, swept and mopped until the floors and surfaces shined and the rooms smelled like lemon.  They had started going out to eat, or at least going out to look at places to eat. If they found a place that looked interesting James did some basic recon and determined if it was safe and more importantly if he could handle eating in.  

 

Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t and sometimes they compromised.  Sometimes they ate in, sometimes they passed on by, and on a few occasions they had gotten food to go because the kitchen passed muster, but the dining room wasn’t working for him.  She was okay with that, with waiting for him to do his thing, and maybe not eating at the place with the great online reviews, but he was worth it, worth the extra steps.

 

Darcy was turning into the queen of compromise and was thrilled with her personal growth, like for real, there was a difference between roll with the punches which she was awesome at, and having conversations with someone and coming to terms.  

 

So tonight was going to be maybe a haircut and maybe a dinner at the Hungarian place that she had found Instagram.  She was okay with that. 

 

‘Hey you.’  She greeted him at the door with a kiss.  A quick peck to his lips, but he caught her around the waist and lifted her, kicking the door shut behind him and proceeded to kiss the shit out her. 

 

When the kiss ended she leaned back, she hoped she never got over the thrill of him picking her up, the first time he had done it she had squealed and wrapped her legs around his waist.  ‘Well hello there.’ 

‘Hello yourself doll.’

 

He put her down slowly, as much as she enjoyed touching him, it was nothing compared to James.  There was hardly a moment when they were together that he wasn’t making contact in some way. A hand on her arm or waist, fingers running through her hair, his front pressed against her back, she freaking loved it.

 

‘What’s all this?’  The two leather pouches were lying on the island.  

 

‘They’re for you.’  She walked up next to him, leaning her arms on the marble top.  His brow furrowed in confusion, surprise, he glanced over at her, and she grinned at him.  

 

Pointing at the pouch closest to her, ‘Open that one first.’

 

He picked it up slowly, rolling it over in his hands once, then untied the leather straps.  

 

**_James_ **

 

The shaving kit was a wonderful surprise.  Darcy had been delighted by his genuine like, he hadn’t seen a straight razor since before Azzano, and he was happy to have his hands on one.

 

‘Are you trying to tell me something doll?’

 

‘Ha!  No, I just saw it and thought you might like it.  It’s not too bulky I know you prefer to travel light.’

 

Her consideration always floored him, he didn’t know why he should be surprised by it, she was amazing.

 

‘It’s great.  Really.’ He pressed a kiss of thanks to her upturned face and smiled at her cheeky grin.

 

‘Well go on and open the other one.  It’s for you, or I guess it’s kind of for us.’

 

The leather revealed several scissors, all freshly sharpened, combs and clips.  

 

‘We don’t have to do it tonight.  We don’t have to do it ever, but I thought it might be nice to have.  Better than using the scissors I have in the junk drawer.’ She laughed and he chuckled in return.

 

‘Sounds like a solid plan.’

 

He took off his jacket and rolled his shoulders.

 

‘Wait like a plan plan?’

 

Nodding, he handed her the hair cutting kit.

 

‘Oh, right, wow, okay.  Right.’

 

The anxiousness was not unexpected, she had been concerned how he would react to the change, not only because of the hair cut but the change in his appearance.  Change was good though, this change was good, and he assured her of that.

 

‘Okay, if you’re sure.’

 

‘I’m sure.’

 

‘Right, well if you change your mind, like at all just tell me, it’s totally fine.  Completely fine.’

 

Smiling he cupped her cheeks, pressing a kiss to her lips and forehead.

 

‘I know sweetheart, it will be fine.  I’ll be fine. We are going to do it just like we discussed.’

 

‘Right.  Just like we practiced.’

 

The nerves abated, he felt the tension ease out of her, and she returned his smile.  

 

It went, okay.  It took longer than perhaps either of them had expected, but they talked and laughed and he was only uncomfortable once.  By the end he thought he could handle at least sitting the next go around, but it might take awhile before he could handle her standing behind him much less anyone else doing it.  She had been happy to hear that, squeezing his arm in appreciation.

 

‘So, how does it look?’

 

He turned towards her, she reached up and ran her hands through the short locks that were now on top, it might take some time for him to get used to his neck being so exposed.  His hand ran over the short hairs on the back of his head, it was impressive how close she had been able to cut his hair without using clippers.

 

‘Oh boy, you are one hot mama.’

 

He smirked, taking the small mirror she offered him from her purse.  He glanced into it, surprised at what he saw. 

 

‘Come on handsome.’

 

Taking his hand she tugged him down the hall to her bathroom.  Seeing the full effect in the large mirror over the sink was startling to say the least.

 

‘Do you like it?’

 

Their eyes met in the reflection, she was biting on her lip, nerves returning.  Did he like it? He looked, different, older than Bucky Barnes, but not hiding like the Asset.  He loved it.

 

‘I love it.’  Running fingers through his hair, it was strange to have such body in his hair. He had forgotten how it would go every which way without intervention, the previous length having weighted it down straight. 

 

‘Really?’  She clapped and clasped her hands together, biting down on her knuckles, obviously excited.

 

‘Really.’  He grinned at her and she wrapped her arms around his waist, going up on tiptoes to rest her chin on his shoulder.  

 

‘I’m so happy for you.’  The kiss she pressed to his neck made him smile.

 

‘Thank you for this.  It means-’ the words failed him as they often did, but her expression softened, she understood.  She understood so much. Her arms slid up his chest and she ran her fingers through the beard that he had let grow out.  The hairs were soft, she had gotten him some kind of oil to rub into it when he told her that he had been thinking of growing his out.

 

With a wink she had handed it to him, murmuring how he if was going to have one he would need to keep it soft, you know so she didn’t get a burn in certain sensitive places.  They hadn’t done  _ that _ yet, but he had still felt the blush rise up in his cheeks.  Her smirk had been well earned.

 

The effect of the beard with the short hair was startling, he didn’t look like Bucky Barnes or the Asset, he looked like he felt, he looked like James.

 

‘Did I ever tell you how hot I think gray hair is?’  Her thumb was running over that one spot on his chin where the hair was just a little bit lighter than the rest.  The surprise at seeing it had brought up some real questions about aging and the serum and just what changes his body was going through now that he had been out of the ice for so long.  He pushed those thoughts away, he didn’t want to get lost, he wanted to stay present.

 

‘I think you’ve mentioned it once or twice.’  That might be a slight exaggeration. She certainly had a thing for salt and pepper hair, not to mention that long haired bastard from that wizard movie she had insisted they watch.

 

Smirking, she tapped his chin, ‘I miss the chin, but not enough to give up all of this.’  She waved a hand at their reflection and he could admit that there was a rush of pride.

 

Bucky Barnes was positively preening.

 

The Asset approved of the look, knowing their enemies would not be expecting the change.

 

James was just happy that his girl was happy.

 

‘Oh!  I almost forgot.  You have more presents.’

 

Before he could protest she was out of the bathroom and heading back towards the living room.  

 

“Darcy, doll, you’re spoiling me.’

 

‘Pfftt, please, you ain’t seen nothing yet.’  She was reaching into the closet by the front door.  ‘If anyone deserves to be spoiled its you.’

 

He wasn’t sure he agreed with that or deserved any of what she did for him, but he had learned not to argue with her, it was an argument that he would not win.  Not even the Winter Soldier, with his laser focus, could bend Darcy May Lewis when she got her stubborn on.

 

Leaning against the back of the sofa he waited for whatever she had thought up for him next.  There was a growing assortment of items at his place courtesy of her. From the aforementioned beard oil and books, to spices and dry foodstuffs, a brightly patterned quilt for his bed and black and white landscapes that now hung on his walls.  

 

To say she had been appalled by his living quarters was putting it mildly.  ‘You need some color and some warmth.’ She had taken his hand and they had scoured the closest thrift shop for said quilt and art and he would admit that he liked the additions.  The quilt was warm, the colors reminding him of her, and the art on the walls reminded him of places that Bucky Barnes had visited before his life had gone to hell. They maybe also reminded him of Steve, but Steve when he was Stevie, small and with wet lungs, but he didn’t think too much on that, not yet anyway.

 

When she backed out of the closet turning his way, arms extended, offering him a dark blue peacoat his eyebrows rose in surprise.

 

‘What do you think?’  She was practically bouncing on her toes.

 

‘I think I don’t deserve you.’  The coat was a thick, heavy wool, the likes of which he hadn’t seen since the war.  He knew before touching it that it would be warm, the kind of warm that would sink into your skin.  

 

‘Shut up.  With winter coming and I know you hate the cold I figured you could use it.’  He took the jacket and slipped it on, it fit perfectly, of course it did. She buttoned him up and pulled thick, leather gloves from one pocket and a dark scarf and hat from the other.  

 

He tugged on the gloves, surprised to feel they were lined with something warm and soft inside, ‘sherpa wool’ she told him when he mentioned it.  She pulled the hat over his new hair cut and did something complicated to the scarf so it was doubled around his neck. Warmth and wool settled over him and he smiled at her.

 

‘It’s perfect.’  And it was. 

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

And so it went like this.

 

They talked, they touched, they talked about touching.

 

James came over for dinner a week after his haircut, and oh boy was she a fan.  He had been a fan of the tight pencil skirt she was wearing. There had been visiting professors at the lab that morning and she had dressed up for the occasion.  One of them needed to look the part, since Jane was never far removed from jeans and flannels. 

 

Making a mental note that the sexy librarian did lots of good things to James, she enjoyed his hands as they wandered over her thigh and smoothed down over her knees and the silk of her stockings.  

 

Sitting next to him on the island she made a point to turn his way when she had mentioned that they were thigh highs, with garters, she hadn’t wanted to miss his reaction.  Not one to disappoint, James had choked on his sip of beer, she smirked at him.

 

‘Darcy.’

 

Yes, please and thank you, if he could just always say her name like that she would be more than fine with that.  

 

He turned towards her, eyes casting down at where her right leg was crossed over her left, feet still in the bright red heels she had picked to compliment the black skirt and white blouse with red polka dots, of course her lips had matched her shoes.

 

What happened next had her mentally filling up a shopping cart at the Bordelle website.

 

James on his knees, asking if he could see, if he could touch, if he could  _ taste. _  Darcy slid off the stool, standing before him, skirt already in hand, lifting slowly, she watched him watch the hem rise.

 

The black silk stockings ended just above her knee, the wide band of pretty lace held up by 4 slim black garter straps.  She had discovered couture lingerie in London, finding the small shop by accident when she was out looking for a new bra.  The shop girls had been delighted by her curves and she had had her first proper bra fitting.

 

After that she had been hooked, and most days she was wearing a matching set of something lacy and pretty, just for herself.  Well, not just for herself. Lately she had been hoping to share the view with a certain soldier, and judging by the way his eyes were tracing up her legs, he very much liked what he saw.

 

The matching panties were black and lacy, full coverage, but sheer, and the garter was black satin.  Comfortable and sexy, it had been well worth the outrageous price for what was ultimately such a small piece of fabric.  James looked as though he would pay list price and more.

 

‘Do you like?’

 

His eyes flicked up to hers, pupils wide, and nodded.

 

‘Doll you been wearing stuff like this the whole time we been meeting?’

 

The accent was stronger, the words raw and they heated her blood.

 

‘I have.  I like feeling pretty.’

 

He shook his head, ‘You’re gorgeous.’

 

Darcy knew she was blushing, but it wasn’t something she heard every day and she absolutely believed him, so yeah, blushing.

 

‘May I?’  His hands were wrapped around her thighs, fingers tracing the garter straps, he looked up and she nodded, mouth going dry.

 

This was happening, whatever this was, it was happening now.

 

**_James_ **

 

Like a kid on Christmas morning savoring each present, he worked methodically unsnapping each garter, memorizing all the small details.  How soft her skin was, the unsteady beat of her pulse, the scent of her cunt. There were memories of hands on thighs, and fingers on satin, Bucky Barnes had loved the lines of a garter on a woman’s thigh, James apparently did too.  

 

There had been women before and during the war, but Bucky Barnes assured them that none of them held a candle to the woman before him, none of them had mattered nearly as much either.

 

Darcy was special, she was his person.  When he had asked what she meant by that, the off hand pop culture reference had not meant anything to him, and she had explained he had told her that that was what she was to him.  She had laughed and told him that he was sweet but everyone with a history book knew that Steve Rogers was his person.

 

He had smiled, tried to explain to her that Bucky Barnes had loved Stevie as a brother, James was sure he still did, but no he was not ‘his person’, she hadn’t argued with him, but he wasn’t sure she believed him either.  Well he was going to do his best to convince her of that today. 

 

They had been working their way towards this, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be intimate with Darcy, it was all he wanted, well that and more, but he didn’t trust himself, not completely.  Not to let loose like that and relinquish control, but they were getting there. This though, this he could do, and do well if memory served, and would like if his dick straining against his jeans was anything to go by.

 

Sliding his palms up her thighs, he felt the skin break out into goosebumps, and heard her quiet moan of pleasure, he had maybe pressed in a little harder than was necessary.  He would like to do that one day, stretch her out and work his hands all over her, massaging and memorizing the lines of her. 

 

His hands were big on her hips, his thumbs ran lightly over the edge of the lace, brushing over the lips of her pussy.  Still amazed he had the right, that she had given him permission he leaned in and pressed a wet kiss over his thumbs. Her hands immediately went to his hair and her fingers grabbed hold, pulling him closer to her.

 

Things devolved quickly after that.

 

He would like to say that he was able to take his time, draw it out, but they were both too impatient.  

He tugged at the waistband of her panties, asking if he could take them off, she breathed out a hell yes.

 

He drew them down slowly, holding each ankle as she lifted each foot.  The heels were tall and red and he wondered how she could manage walking in them.  He wondered what they would look like wrapped around his waist, but that was a thought for another time.

 

Darcy went without complaint when he boosted her up to sit on the edge of one of the stools, spreading her legs open for him.  What a pretty picture, the image of her spread open and waiting for him, wanting him, seared into his brain, a memory he never wanted to lose.

 

With a soft kiss to each thigh, he glanced up, she was staring down at him with dark eyes, her bottom lip was caught between her teeth.  At the first swipe of his tongue over her clit, she jerked forward, hands scrabbling for purchase, one holding onto the island and the other in his hair.

 

Parting the folds of her cunt with his thumbs, he licked up inside of her, the taste of her a part of him now, paying special attention to what and how she liked to be touched.  A little bite of teeth on her clit and three fingers of his left hand inside of her, rocking into her, and she begged him not to stop, not to stop, close, so close, there was not much on this planet that could have stopped him at that point.

 

Her pleading and commands and curses of approval rolled around in his head, his thoughts wholly consumed by the sounds and tastes and feel of her, Darcy.  With a high, sharp keen she came, flooding his mouth and coating his fingers, he kissed her skin through the orgasm. Proud that he had made her feel good, humbled that she had trusted him to do so.  

 

Withdrawing his right hand from inside of her, he had wanted to know the feel of her on his skin, he licked his fingers before pressing a kiss to her clit.  She groaned her appreciation for his mouth, his skills, his fingers, and he was happy to promise a repeat performance whenever she liked.

 

‘I’m keeping you,’ she murmured as he helped her back into her underwear.

 

He glanced up, hands reattaching the garters, ‘Yeah?’

 

She nodded, ‘You’re stuck with me now for reals.’  Grinning he smoothed her skirt back down over her legs.

 

‘I’m okay with that.’  Standing, he smiled as she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed a kiss over his heart.  ‘Yeah? You gonna be my man?’

 

Bending down, he kissed her slow and deep and filthy.   ‘As long as you’ll have me,’ he pulled away enough to whisper to her.  ‘You gonna be my girl?’

 

‘As long as you’ll have me,’ hearing his words said back to him just unfurled something that he hadn’t even known had been locked away.  He wanted her to know what that meant to him, what she meant to him, but the words were lost to him.

 

Bucky Barnes was proud such a wonderful dame had chosen them.  

 

The Asset was fascinated by her reactions to their arm and wondered when they might try it again.  

 

James could related to them both and still hadn't found the words to tell her any of that.  

 

He kissed her instead and hoped she would understand.

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

And so it went like this.

 

They talked, they touched, they talked about touching.

 

A few days after she had discovered his love of lingerie they were on her sofa, making out like a couple of teenagers.  She snickered at the thought and he had pulled away from her neck, eyebrow raised in question. When she shared he had smiled, hand slipping up her shirt to cup a breast.

 

In addition to lingerie, James liked her breasts, correction he adored her breasts.  And she loved that he gave them such attention, but she had other plans for tonight.

 

‘James,’ she pulled back enough to meet his eyes.

 

‘Hmm…’ his attention was still on her chest with another hand rubbing up her thigh.

 

‘James, I want to try something.’  At that his eyes cut up to hers, clear and blue and curious.

 

‘Something, doll?’

 

The low, rough voice did things to her and he knew it, but she wouldn’t get distracted, this was about him.

 

‘Yes, I want to try something with you, well for you, if you’re willing.’  They were so close, so close, she had palmed him through his jeans the other day, hard and firm and repeatedly until he had pressed his face into her neck and groaned out his release.

 

Yup, they were going back there and further, if he was up for it.

 

‘What did you have in mind.’ 

 

Encouraged, she ran fingers through his hair, she told him how she wanted him to stay nice and relaxed and how she wanted to stroke him through his jeans.  And when he was ready she wanted to move to the floor, wanted to kneel between his knees. He gasped, but she kept going. She wanted to unzip his fly and pull his jeans down as low as he was comfortable with until she could stroke his cock over his underwear. And when he told her she could, she would pull his underwear down as well.  

 

His eyes were on her, hot and focused, but she didn’t back down, kept her voice light and her touches confident.  Caught up in her own detailed descriptions, she told him how she would stroke him, learning the width and breadth of him, she grinned and told him she would imagine how it would fit inside of her, but that she wouldn’t get too distracted.  

 

Not when what she wanted was to have the taste of him in her mouth, at his groan she smiled, she would wrap her lips around the tip of his cock and suck it in, hand gripped around the base and the other cupping his balls.

 

‘Fuck, Darce.’

 

Not tonight she reminded him, this was about what she wanted him to have.  She wanted him to have the warmth of her mouth licking at his slit, pulling back his foreskin and sucking on the head, working her way up to deep throating him.  No gag reflex she mentioned casually. 

 

His responding curses were creative and in several languages.

 

Oh, and she liked to swallow.

 

At his growl she shrieked and only had a second to prepare herself before he pounced on her, wrapping his hands around her waist and pulling her onto his lap where she could feel the effect of her words between her thighs.

 

‘You wanna do all that to me doll?’

 

Nodding she slid her hands into his hair and pressed and wet kiss to his neck.

 

‘Yes, please.’

 

He hummed in response, she bit at his throat and he bucked his hips underneath her.

 

‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

 

Sitting back she studied his face and saw the want there, saw the desire too.

 

‘I know you don’t but I trust you, I trust us, and if something doesn’t feel good or right we will stop, immediately.’

 

She shrugged, ‘Or we wait.’

 

He thought it over, she could almost see all the possibilities playing out behind his eyes.  Playing with the collar of his shirt, she let him think it through, not wanting to pressure him.

 

‘I would like to try.  I want to try.’

 

Smiling she wrapped her hands around his neck, ‘Yeah?’

 

He nodded, ‘Yeah.’

 

‘Awesome.’

 

Sliding off his lap and kneeling between his legs, she proceeded to show him that she was as good with her mouth as he was.

 

After, when he had come apart so beautifully, she was surprised when he pulled her up and back onto his lap, kissing her deep and long.  The thought that he was tasting himself did things to her, thoughts flashing to the box in her room. He had been surprised by what she had shown him, surprised and curious, and not opposed to any of it, not ready to use any of it yet, but definitely open to it.  

 

She had been more than pleased with the width and breadth of his cock.  Length was average, but oh my goddess was he thick, so so thick. The kind of thick that had had her lips stretching wide and her thighs rubbing together as she imagined just how much he would stretch her cunt.

 

More than pleased.

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**_James_ **

 

He knew that it had been leading up to this, that Jane was important to her, and so was he.  She wasn’t keen on keeping the two parts of her life separate forever and keeping him from Jane had felt too much like lying, and she didn’t want to lie about him.  Darcy would ask him if he wanted to meet Jane and he would tell her not yet and to ask him again later.

 

In the end it was that sentiment that had convinced him, once again she had shown him how much she truly cared for him.  He had never had anyone care for him like that, like they didn’t want to keep him a secret, well if he had he didn’t remember anymore, but he didn’t think so.

 

When he had said yes the last time she had asked, she had stared at him, not quite believing his answer, and when he had seen her wipe away stray tears he knew he had made a good decision.  This was important to her, so he would try.

 

So he had spent a few late nights and early morning checking out the lab, monitoring chatter, running backgrounds on who came and went and who occupied the building.  He hadn’t told Darcy what all went into his recon, he would have, but she had simply told her when he was ready and to take his time. The yes had delighted her but she knew it wasn’t as simple as popping by for lunch and she could be patient when she needed to be.  

 

When nothing red flagged, he saved the actual on site sweep, for bugs and any potential threats, for the early morning before they were planning on going in to meet her Jane.  Again, nothing came up. He was glad that he had gone in, labs in general left him uneasy, to be avoided as much as possible, but there was nothing in Doctor Foster’s lab that looked like where he had been held over the years.  

 

There were dry erase boards covered in scientific jargon, all the counter space that wasn’t holding shoddy looking equipment was covered in papers, binders, and left over food wrappers.  The general chaos more than anything made him comfortable, HYDRA had been order above all things, and there had never been an item out of place. The Foster lab was messy and there were no chairs other than ones to sit in.

 

He could handle that.

 

Darcy had met him at the elevator, he had texted that he was close.  She had practically been bouncing when he stepped off, her arms reaching for and pulling him into a hug.

 

‘Hey you.’

 

Her greeting was, as always, warm and the last of his nerves faded.  He had asked what she had told Jane about him, he had laughed when she had told him about the plan, knowing that she had set her sights on him so deliberately had delighted him.  So he was just the guy who she met at the market and hit it off with, he could work with that.

 

There was a concern that Jane might recognize him, but Darcy wasn’t worried.  ‘You don’t look anything like the other two anymore, and no one would recognize you unless they were really looking and she has no reason too.’  She was right, of course, there was no reason for Jane, or anyone, to connect him to a World War 2 veteran, his decided lack of age would preclude that.  And the Asset would only be known to those who had dug deep into the SHIELD files and Darcy swore Jane had not.

 

‘You good?’  She leaned back in his arms enough to study his face so he pulled out a smile for her.  

 

‘Yes.  Nervous.’  Not that he would be recognized, not at this point, but that Jane wouldn’t like him.  She was important to Darcy and he wanted to make a good impression. Darcy had smiled at him when he told her his concerns.  

 

‘She’s not so scary, I promise, and she will like you because I like you.  Because you’re sweet and smart and I have every reason to believe that she is going to talk Science to you and you’re going to love it.’

 

He had been fascinated by the work they did in the lab, had peppered Darcy with questions, some she could answer and some she couldn’t.  She tugged him down the hall to the lab, shouting out when she opened the door.

 

‘Janey, I come bearing gifts.’  James rolled his eyes and fought the urge to smooth back his hair.  Across the room, a tiny dark haired woman was writing on one of the half dozen rolling whiteboards, and turned at the sound of her name being called.

 

‘Oh, hi.  Um, yes, sorry I got distracted.’  She walked over to them, a smile on her face and a green dry erase marker in her hand.  ‘You must be James.’

 

He shook the hand he offered, ‘Yes ma’am.  It’s nice to finally meet you. Darcy has told me great things about the work you’re doing here.’

 

Her eyebrows rose, ‘Yes, she’s told me about you too.  I’m glad to put a face to a name.’

 

There was a silence, not uncomfortable, but it was stretching, he stuck his hands in his pockets and took a look around the room.

 

‘Darcy tells me that you’re trying to find an alternate power source for your machine to recreate the bridge?’  

 

Jane smiled, ‘I am indeed.  Do you want to see what we have come up with so far?’  He did in fact want to see, following her over where they had several prototypes set up, he saw Darcy lean back against a desk with a smile on her face.  

 

She had been right, talking Science with Jane was easy, she talked fast and used some words that went over his head but he caught the gist of it.  Asked a few questions and Jane rolled right along with it.

 

‘You have got a great feel for engineering,’ Jane commented.  ‘Have you studied?’

 

‘Nah, but I’ve always loved science and technology.’

 

‘Well you should think about it, we could always use more engineers.  I have gotten good at it, needed to over the years, but I prefer the theory, the numbers.’

 

He nodded, he knew there was a difference between the theoretical and practical application.  One needed the other to make any advancements.

 

‘Here let me show you-,’ she shuffled him over to another work bench covered in spare parts.

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

An hour into the visit and Jane had James soldering while she rambled on about where she was getting tripped up with her power source issues.  Darcy wasn’t sure she had ever seen James so comfortable outside of her apartment. There was none of the tension in his shoulders that was usually there when he was out, he was genuinely interested in Jane’s work, which she totally knew he would be.  Her man was a nerd at heart, and he had a patience that suited Jane’s mania. 

 

Sensing that they were going to be here awhile, she pulled out her phone.  They were supposed to be going to dinner after the meet-up with Jane, but he was enjoying himself and Jane was getting quota of social interactions filled for the month, so there was no reason to interrupt that.  Hanging out while two very important people in her life bonded over Science and spare parts was not a bother in the slightest.

 

Pulling up the online menu for one of the restaurants she knew  James favored and that delivered she scrolled through the options, looking for something Jane would like, preferably heavy on protein and vegetables.

 

‘I’m ordering from Wah Ying.  Any requests?’

 

Jane shouted for dumplings, James just shrugged, ‘Surprise me?’  Rolling her eyes she nodded and made the call. Clearing off one the workbenches with the least amount of clutter she went into the small kitchenette that sat between their offices and dug up silverware and plates.

 

During dinner, Darcy was more than happy to sit alone, Jane was monopolizing all of James’ attention, she noticed that he had taken his gloves off.  He caught her staring, her eyebrows rose in question but he only shrugged. She had told him that Jane knew he had a prosthetic, she had not asked for any details beyond how he had gotten it, Darcy had felt comfortable enough telling her that it had been a wartime injury, which was in fact the truth.

 

James had not planned on taking his glove off, she had been more than a little surprised when he had.  ‘Easier to handle some of the tech she kept handing me.’ he had mumbled by way of explanation when Darcy had asked.

 

They were adorable, like she kept sneaking photos of the two of them.  Jane had needed a friend nearly as much as James had.

 

‘Are you glad you came?’  She had snuggled up next to him on the walk to her place.

 

‘I am.  I like her.’  He had pressed a kiss to the top of htser head and Darcy felt herself falling for him just that much more.

 

**_James_ **

 

The lab, Jane, soon became part of their routine.  At least one night a week they spent it with Jane. Getting her out of the lab was nigh on impossible.  The woman was driven, focused in a way that he admired. 

 

Bucky Barnes thought she was the smartest person he had ever met.

 

The Asset admired her dedication and work ethic.

 

James liked that she expected him to understand what she rambled off to him.  She appreciated his help in the lab and was still encouraging him to look into some engineering classes.  Jane had become his friend.

 

Darcy had smirked, she had loved saying ‘I told you so.’ but he couldn’t get too upset.  She had been right, and he could admit that, but what she was asking him now, it was too much.

 

Maybe.

 

He smoked his cigarette, pacing, he was halfway through his dinner break and for the first time since getting the job he wanted to cut out early.  What Darcy had proposed earlier, the plan she had, it rolled around his head and would not be put away.

 

Jane was an astrophysicist, well she was many things, but that was her passion and focus.  Being a woman in STEM, she had done what she could to build relationships with other women in the field, and by extension so had Darcy.  James had learned that women in the field were rare and those that excelled did so with hardships and hurdles their male counterparts did not face.  His shock and anger at the blatant misogyny had delighted both women, he didn’t think either of them realized how close he had been to violence after they had shared some of the worst stories of their time in academia.

 

Distracted by the rush of anger, he went through the list in his head of the names he had wheedled out of Jane.  Darcy had been suspicious and hadn’t given him names, but Jane had not been so vigilant. Lessons would be taught, not right now, but someday.  

 

Right now he was focusing on what Darcy had proposed.  In their STEM circle there was someone that she was confident could help him,  ‘Look I really think she could help. The technology she has access to is like nothing anyone has ever seen before.’  Darcy was convinced this person could remove his trigger words, maybe even help him with the memory gaps.

 

She had sworn up and down that she hadn’t given away any specifics.  ‘I swear I only asked what she had to help dementia patients, my best friend in high school had lost her grandpa to dementia, so it wasn’t out of the blue.  Then I got her talking, and she can talk trust me, about Tom Cruise and scientology and that of course led to cults, and then it was a tiny step to brainwashing.’

 

He had learned that the Science types, when given an inch would talk for miles about their work, so he could see how Darcy could have gotten the information out of her colleague without giving anything away.  A quick online search had told him who Tom Cruise was and what scientology had to do with anything. 

 

Darcy wasn’t pressuring him, she never pressured him, she just laid things out so he could look at it.  And he couldn’t stop looking at it. 

 

Never mind that there was no way anyone in their right mind would agree to help him, Darcy was the exception to every rule.  Never mind that he didn’t really think anyone or anything could undo 70 years of programming, HYDRA didn’t do things by half.  Never mind that he wasn’t sure he wanted to remember everything, he would like to know his Mother’s face again though.

 

He wanted to do it.

 

Despite the risks.  Despite the danger. Despite everything he wanted to try.  

 

Getting rid of the bombs in his head, being able to face Darcy and  _ Steve _ without worrying about losing himself and hurting them was worth the risk.  6 months ago he would not have thought that. 6 months ago he had not had Darcy, he had not had a taste of what life could be like.  

 

She had changed everything for him already, because of her support and encouragement he wanted to do more and be more.  Most days their evenings were spent together. He had started telling her what he remembered about Bucky Barnes, about his Mom and sisters, and Steve.  There were a few stories from his time as the Asset, well not stories, but just things that he wanted her to understand, things that were as painful for her to hear as it was for him to share it.  

 

She wanted to destroy HYDRA, wanted to rip apart everyone who had ever had a hand in hurting him, she had told him with tears in her eyes.  He had pulled her close and his heart had swelled with an emotion he wasn’t ready to name. 

 

The violence of her thoughts had surprised them both, she had told him that she had never felt any one way or the other about revenge or justice, except that they were things that had never really impacted her life.  Well now they were front and center and she was of the mindset that justice for James was revenge on the assholes who took so much from him. Prison was too good for them, there was something to be said for eye for an eye.

 

That night her curiosity had gotten the better of her and she had asked.  ‘Why haven’t you reached out to Steve?’ 

 

Caught off guard by the question, the fork full of pasta, they had made it from scratch earlier, froze before he could take the bite.

 

‘Sorry, I know it’s out of the blue, I was just wondering.  You remember him, and he knows you’re out here somewhere, and-’ her words died out, the train of thought falling from her grasp.

 

His hand had lowered, fork resting on his plate.  When he did start talking, telling her about their fights, his last orders from HYDRA, she had listened and swallowed back her anger and fear, for him, for his friend.  Then he told her about walking away, pulling him from the river, and leaving, how he had started to rebuild himself.

 

The Avengers were still there even after SHIELD fell, saving the world, righting wrongs and whatnot.  He wasn’t sure where he would fit in, if he could fit in, there was still a target on his back and there was more than one country with a standing kill order for the Winter Soldier.  Going back to Steve was not the issue she had determined, but meeting up with Captain America was going to be tricky.

 

He had needed to make sure he was ready to handle that, handle the fallout of showing himself would be.  Yes, he missed his friend, and wanted to know him again, but the risks weren’t worth the rewards, not yet anyway.  That wasn’t even taking into consideration his trigger words and what could potentially happen when he was in close proximity to Steve again, he worried he might resort to the old HYDRA commands, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt him.  Darcy had doubted that he would do that, but he had not been able to know for certain and it was not worth the risk.

 

Nodding her head in understanding, sad that the only other person who knew him, really knew him, was out of reach, but he was glad that she had asked and that he had shared with her.  Now he thought back to that night and the concerns he had aired, if he got rid of the triggers than he could have a real chance at meeting back up with his oldest friend.

 

He was getting way ahead of himself.  Lighting another cigarette, he took a drink from the bottle of water he had packed himself, and pulled his jacket around himself tighter.  The nights were fast approaching freezing, soon he wouldn’t be able to stay outside during meal times. Tonight he welcomed the cold air, the bite of it clearing his head and helped him focus.

 

The risks were too many to mention, he could, but there was no need.  Every aspect from start to finish would be a risk.

 

The reward would mean finally being free from HYDRA and maybe uncovering all the parts of him that were buried somewhere in his mind.

 

How could he not try?

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

Giving James the outline of her Plan had been gut-wrenching.  She had known that it was something that he would want, how could he not?  The risks though, no matter how she spun it, the risks were getting into Jane levels of math.

 

It terrified her.  Not just the risk in telling more people who he was and what help he needed, there were risks involved in any kind of Science, especially when it involved the brain.  She could lose him, and not just to some shady government agency, and the thought made her sick to her stomach.

 

He had mentioned the other night that it had been six months since he had seen her in the market for the first time, it felt both a longer and shorter amount of time than that.  Now she couldn’t imagine going a day without hearing his voice or seeing that smile he only ever seemed to share with her. She was precariously close to a feeling that she had not felt for anyone in a long time.

 

Well she might already feel it, she just wasn’t ready to name it yet, but it was there and losing him was unacceptable at this point.

 

Digging her fingers into her hair she scratched at her scalp, already feeling a headache growing.  Heading to the bathroom, she got the bottle of tylenol out of the medicine cabinet. In the mirror she could see that she was pale, hints of purple bruises under her eyes. She had not slept good last night, bad dreams.  

 

James was coming over later, he hadn’t been able yesterday, worked an extra shift.  She wasn’t sure why he worked so much, he had confessed that he didn’t need the money.  When she had discovered just how much he had pilfered from HYDRA offshore accounts she had chided him for choosing to live in a hovel and made him buy dinner _ and _ dessert.  She knew he liked to work, he had mentioned that the physical labor was good for him since he couldn’t just sign up for any old gym.  The neighborhood he had picked was easy for him to blend in and less likely to find people asking questions. That had made her mad, and sad, that he had been forced to live like that.  Then she had taken great pleasure in reminding him that he didn’t look like a hot hobo anymore and people would definitely be looking because he was just stupid hot.

 

A part of her had wished she hadn’t said anything about the Plan, had left well enough alone.  She knew he had to be obsessing over it, she was obsessing over it. If she had just let it lie neither of them would be losing sleep and facing such uncertainty.

 

But she wasn’t the type to leave well enough alone, she was a fixer.  It had led to being the one to do all the giving and caring in a lot of relationships, and it had hurt when it had ended up one sided.  That need to fix had been a godsend with Jane and Erik and that had ended really good, she wouldn’t be here now if she hadn’t decided to stick it out with her two favorite scientists.

 

James wasn’t a project she needed to fix, he was her boyfriend, who had been hurt and she had access to resources that might help him heal.  Whatever his decision she would respect it, she wouldn’t push or pick or any of the stuff she would have done with anyone else. He wasn’t everyone else and only he ultimately knew what was best for him.

 

Tired, she debated the merits of taking a nap, it would totally throw off her schedule but it was a Saturday and she could afford to have a wonky sleep cycle, and could set it to rights tomorrow.  Decided, she changed into soft gray sleep pants, her sports bra and a white tank top. James had been baffled by all her bras. The matching sets, soft cup, underwire, and then the sports bras she wore after she got home and into comfy clothes. 

 

When she had explained that stretch marks and back pain was a very real thing and the girls did not lose their support until her head was hitting the pillow, he had offered to lend her a hand whenever she needed it.  Those moments, when he caught her off guard with the snark and the sexy, she saw who he might have been before and she ached a little for Bucky Barnes.

 

Darcy in no way wanted James to change, not really, the man she had met and fallen for and chosen, that was who she wanted, not someone out of a history book.  When she had told him that, oh the look on his face had almost done her in. He had been so grateful, so appreciative, she had taken his hand and squeezed it tight.  She just wanted him to have the parts back that were stolen from him, she in no way wanted to change him.

 

He had promised to think about it, really think about it, and now all she wanted to do was not think about anything.  Curling up on the sofa with her warmest and softest blanket and a queue of Great British Baking Show sounded perfect.

 

No sooner had she gotten snuggled under the blanket did she hear the knock at the door.  Peering over the sofa at the door, she frowned. Who the hell could it be? Jane was at the lab and James was working tonight.  Sitting up she went checked her phone but there were no missed calls or messages. Grabbing her taser out of her purse, she walked quietly to the front door.  There was no way she was looking into the peephole, she had seen that movie and knew what a drill could do, no thank you.    
  


‘Who is it?’

 

She didn’t really think bad guys would have knocked first, but she wasn’t taking any chances.  

 

‘It’s me doll.’

 

What?  The adrenaline drained out of her so fast the few steps to the door were taken on shaky legs.  He took one look at her after she opened the door, and down at the taser in her hand, and grimaced.

 

‘Shit, Darce I’m sorry.  I meant to call, I just was walking and thinking and ended up here.’

 

She took a deep breath and willed her heart to slow it’s frantic pace.

 

‘It’s fine.  I wasn’t expecting anyone.  I thought you were working tonight?’

 

Putting her taser back while he hung up his coat and took his boots off, she liked that he was so particular, his boots, laces tucked in always sat just so next to whatever shoes she had picked for the day and kicked next to the front door when she got in.  Not him, everything was always neat as a pin when he was around. He was the best in the kitchen for real.

 

‘I was, but I called out.’

 

Her eyebrows rose.  In all the time she had known him, he had never missed a day of work, preferring to take on as many extra shifts as possible.  Concerned, she looked him over, not seeing anything to indicate that anything physically was wrong. She had a terrible feeling that what was wrong was her fault.

 

‘Ugh, this is my fault, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean for you to like get so worked up about it, I mean I knew, I know it is a big deal, but you missed work because I just couldn’t keep my nose out of where it doesn’t belong, and you never miss work.’

 

By the end of her rant, her voice had gone a little shrill and a little too much like her mother by the sound of it.  James had walked over to her, pulling her into one of his big bone crushing hugs that she loved so much.

 

‘You don’t need to apologize for anything, doll.  I ain’t ever going to complain when my girl is only looking out for me.’

 

Huffing a laugh into his chest, she didn’t think she would ever get used to him calling her that.  

 

‘So what brings you here?  I was settling in for a binge of baking.’

 

When she had introduced him to her favorite reality show, she had expected him to love it as much as she did, maybe more, and he had, he was as devoted to the big, white tent as she was.  

 

‘That sounds like a great way to pass an evening.’

 

He was nervous, his hands were in the front pockets of his jeans and he was almost bouncing on the balls of his feet.  Frowning she leaned against the back of the couch.

 

‘You’re welcome to join me but-’ she just sort of waved at his nervous stance.

 

‘I will, curling up with you on the sofa sounds perfect, but I been doing a lot of thinking. Going through what you said.’

 

‘Yeah?’

 

She gnawed on her lip, arms crossing across her chest.

 

‘Yeah. All I can think about.’

 

‘I’m sorry.’

 

He smiled, but it was sad, ‘Nothing to be sorry for.’

 

Now she really felt bad, but before she could do or say anything to make it better he walked over to her, she looked up at him, he needed a nap and a meal.

 

‘I want to do it.’

 

‘What?’

 

She couldn’t help but stare up at him, disbelieving, she hadn’t really expected him to accept the help.

 

‘Your plan, the one you think will work up here,’ he waved a hand at his head, ‘I want to give it a try.’

 

Darcy knew she was gaping at him, knew that it wasn’t particularly attractive but she was flabbergasted.

 

‘Um, yeah, ok, if you’re sure.’

 

He nodded, ‘There’s one thing I want to do first, if you’re okay with it.’

 

Curious, he knew that she was hard pressed to say no to him.

 

‘I want to tell Jane,’ well that was unexpected.  ‘I want her to look over the science you have and see what she thinks.  If she’s willing to help after she finds out.’

 

Darcy almost melted, of course Jane would help him.  There might be some awkward because they had waited to tell her, but she was good people and it was smart running the science through Jane.  She would argue that she wasn’t that kind of doctor, but she was a genius and they all spoke that same secret language that Darcy only knew some of the translations of.

 

‘That’s a good idea.’  

Her contact had only given her an outline of what would happen during the process, then she had sent over reams of tech jargon that had pretty much gone over Darcy’s head.

 

‘We can go see Jane tomorrow, first thing.’  He nodded, taking her hands in his, she could see that the nerves were still there, the tired in his eyes tugged at her heart.

 

‘So I have a plan.’

 

Grinning James pulled her hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to her palm which was like one of her favorite things ever.

 

‘Another plan doll?’

 

Rolling her eyes she tugged at his hands until he was pressed against her and she could wrap her arms around his waist.

 

‘Yup, and I think you’re going to like it.’

 

So she told him how she wanted to curl up with him on the sofa and watch their show, then order delivery, something with lots of cheese and calories, and then she wanted to fall asleep in his arms.

 

‘I want to wake up with you in the morning, I want a kiss from you at sunrise.  And then waffles and cream for breakfast.’

 

She was practically holding her breath, waiting for him to say something.  He had never spent the night before, there had been some late nights, but she knew that he had nightmares and he was worried about hurting her.  All real reasons why they shouldn’t but they could adapt.

**_James_ **

 

He shouldn’t, he knew he shouldn’t, that it could put her in danger.  His mind was unkind to him most nights, and if this was one of them, he could never forgive himself if he hurt her.

 

But that didn’t mean that he didn’t want to, he wanted everything she had asked for and more.  They weren’t there yet. There had been touches between them, mouths and fingers, and pleasure but he wasn’t ready for more yet and she was okay with that.  She was more than he deserved.

 

He could do this for her, he would try.

 

‘Sounds like a great plan doll.’

 

Her face lit up and he knew he had made the right decision.

 

They curled up on the sofa and watched a few episodes before giving in to hunger.  Over pizza they discussed sleeping arrangements and what he thought would work best for him.  He was most comfortable in the living room and her sofa was large enough that they could both stretch out and curl up together.

 

‘I am so glad I splurged on this thing.’  Darcy pressed a kiss to his shoulder. He had never seen a sofa with such oversized cushions but he was definitely a fan.

 

‘I am too doll.’

 

In the morning he was able to give her that kiss at sunrise she wanted, then she had snuggled back against his chest and gone back to sleep.  He had slept, surprised in fact that he had managed to do so, and with no nightmares. 

 

They had indeed had waffles and cream for breakfast his concern over what might happen with Jane was dulled by the absolute joy radiating off of Darcy.  She had been so happy to find him there with her in the morning, it was humbling. They had taken another big step forward, he knew that it was a big deal, one he needed to think over, but there wasn’t time for that yet.

 

Before he really knew what was going on they were out the door and heading to meet Jane at the labs.

 

He had thought Darcy might want to handle it alone, he had brought another usb drive along, the one he had given Darcy had been destroyed after she had finished with it, and he had never imagined needing another one.

 

Darcy hadn’t been too worried, she knew that Jane would want to read the files for herself, but Jane processed better face to face, hands on.  His eyebrows had lifted at that and Darcy had simply rolled her eyes and told him to trust her.

 

‘I do.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Trust you.’  

 

He was trusting her with his life in a very real sense.

 

‘Oh you.’

 

She tugged him close, not caring they were in the middle of the sidewalk, and proceeded to kiss the hell out of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to chellacat for all the support this week. It's been a rough one. This fic was a labor of love for me and I appreciate the comments and kudos I've gotten. Means the world to me. The restaurant mentioned was real at the time of writing and does in fact deliver in case anyone was wondering.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Darcy_ **

 

As expected Jane moved very quickly through her shock and anger.  Darcy had known her friend would be upset that they had kept the truth from her, but if the last few years had taught them anything it was that they attracted trouble and not everything was as it seemed.

 

‘It figures the guy you fall for would be a super soldier assassin.’  Jane had huffed a laugh and James had shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, wincing at her words.  Darcy could see her friend was about to get her science on.

 

‘So why tell me now.’  She was gripping the usb drive in her hand, the curiosity had to be driving her crazy, Darcy was proud she had lasted this long without kicking them out so she could get her research on.

 

‘HYDRA used certain techniques to wipe my memory and keep me compliant.  My memory is spotty and there are trigger words embedded in what’s left of my brain.’  Darcy didn’t like his tone of voice one bit, and by the looks of it neither did Jane.

 

‘What he means is those motherfuckers tortured him with electricity and drugs until he forgot his own name, but they didn’t erase him, and he’s fought his way back this far, but there’s more he’s missing that he would like to get back.  And he wants the trigger words dug out because they might try to get him back, which is a big no, and we want to finally have sex which is a big yes.’

 

The reactions were exactly what she was after.  Jane rolled her eyes and James huffed out a laugh.  Pulling the printouts from her bag she passed them over.  

 

‘I’m dangerous and I’ve killed.  A lot.’

 

Darcy rolled her eyes at his dramatics.  ‘He is also incapable of remembering what the word victim means and how it applies to him.’

 

James frowned and Jane looked thoughtful.

 

‘I think this could help him, but we wanted you to look it over and let us know what you thought.’  Darcy caught Jane’s eyes over the papers. ‘But you are going to have to read and watch what’s on there first and it’s not pretty.’

 

She didn’t wish that on anyone, seeing what James had been subjected too appeared in her nightmares often.  Jane looked down at the papers in her hand and the usb drive in the other and then back up at them both. 

 

‘I can’t promise you anything, but I will look everything over and let you know what I think.’  James nodded, Darcy could see he was worried, afraid she would reject him once she knew it all. ‘And James I’m grateful that you trusted me with this.’

 

His eyes were wide and he looked to Darcy for help.  ‘You’re awesome boss lady. We will go take a walk around the block a few times.  Just text me when you want us back.’ 

 

Jane was already heading for her office and waved a hand at them in goodbye.

 

‘It will be fine.’  Pressing a finger to the line between his eyes, she wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him in close.  ‘Jane is good people, and one of the smartest I know, and I know she’s a scatterbrain most days but she has a heart, a good one.’

 

He didn’t reply, just squeezed her close.  ‘Come on handsome buy me a coffee?’

 

Coffee turned into lunch and they were poking through the used bookstore down the street from the lab when Jane called.  There was a lot of yelling and cursing and maybe throwing of items. They booked it back to the lab.

 

When she caught sight of him, Jane walked right up to him and poked him in the chest.  ‘You sir, just-’ Words failed her friend, Darcy could totally relate.

 

Jane reached up and took his face in between her hands, Darcy felt her heart swell at James leaning towards her tiny friend.

 

‘They were monsters, all of them, nothing you did was your fault, none of it.  God, what you endured, it is just, you need to stop right now with the blame.’

 

Grinning Darcy wiped away a tear before it could fall.  ‘Better listen to her, she’s a genius.’

 

‘That’s right I am.  So hear me when I say that no one could have survived what they put you through, and the fact that you did, that you tucked away who you were, it’s a miracle.  And I don’t use that word lightly, I’m a scientist.’

 

There was a shine in his eyes, Darcy was pretty sure he was close to tears, she had given up trying to hide hers.

 

‘I love you boss lady.’

 

Darcy went over and wrapped an arm around her friend and squeezed her tight.  ‘I told him that I wanted names, thought we could pass them on to Thor and Sif.  I think Hogun would enjoy some acts of righteous revenge.’

 

Jane was nodding.  ‘That is a great idea.  I want a list.’ She moved away, towards one of the white boards and flipped it over, erasing what was on there.  Darcy couldn’t help but cringe hoping what was on there had already been moved onto paper.

 

‘So here’s what I think Shuri wants to do, good idea by the way reaching out to her, the tech she has is the best anywhere.’  The next hour was full of science as Jane went over what she could inferred from Shuri’s notes, James asked a few questions but Darcy only had two.

 

‘Will it hurt and could we lose him?  Not like lose as in die, which would be terrible obviously but even I could read that the procedure isn’t life threatening, but you know  _ lose _ him?’

 

Jane turned and looked at them, ‘I don’t know if it will hurt, I’m sure there are inhibitors available to curb any pain.’

 

‘I can handle the pain.’

 

Darcy was not having any of that.  She poked him in the side. ‘Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.  If there is a way to do this without pain you’re taking it.’ He only looked at her, she could see the small smile at the corner of his mouth that told her he thought she was being stubborn and adorable.  Ridiculous man making her tell him not to just accept the pain.

 

‘There’s a risk that in repairing the damage and regaining what was lost you might lose what you have now.’  Jane clearly didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to have to be the one to put it out there. ‘But honestly I just don’t know, the data Shuri sent is purely theoretical.’

 

James frowned.  ‘You mean she can’t do it.’

 

‘Oh she can do it, but when she wrote this up she was doing so in the broad spectrum of the applications, if she had your scans and your history and such there would be a much more specific plan of action.’

 

‘Okay that makes sense.  So no worrying about worst case scenarios right now.’  Darcy wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince them or herself.           

 

‘This is all assuming she will agree to help me.’

 

Jane snorted at that.  ‘You leave that to me.’

 

**_James_ **

 

Things seemed to move quickly after they told Jane.  Needless to say it had come as a shock that the genius friend that they were looking to for help was the Princess of Wakanda.  Jane had assured him that she was perfectly capable of doing what she said she could. 

 

Darcy had told him once that scientists with a puzzle were like a dog with a bone, ‘And you my friend are the best puzzle around.’

 

He hadn’t thought of himself that way, but it was an apt description, he was a puzzle, there were a few missing pieces but the shape of him was coming together.

 

Jane had insisted they needed to get the scans of his brain, that had been a fun night of breaking and entering into the lab on campus.  The ladies were not the best at covert ops.

 

Bucky Barnes had laughed at their antics.

 

The Asset had been making plans for their inevitable capture.

 

James had herded them along and tried to keep them off the radar as much as possible, he wasn’t always successful, but they managed to get in and get the scans without getting caught by security and Darcy had talked them out of the run in with the grad students.  Academia was active even at 0300.

 

When he had initially agreed to do this, he hadn’t actually thought it would happen.  There had been hurdles he had thought were insurmountable and now they were having strategy meetings about how they were going to convince Shuri and her overprotective big brother, and how exactly they were all going to get to Wakanda.

 

No, he had never actually thought it would get to this point.

 

‘Hey you.’

 

Arms wrapped around his waist, he slid his hands over hers, he felt her press a kiss in between his shoulder blades.

 

‘Hey yourself.’  

 

He was spending more time at her place, they had shared the couch a few more times, and he had cut back on the amount of shifts he was picking up.  Money wasn’t an issue and he couldn’t help the feeling that what he had here, with Darcy, was on borrowed time. Making the most of it was more important than anything else right now.  

 

The view from the windows in her living room was a lot nicer than his, but he wasn’t really seeing what he was looking at.  

 

‘You okay?’  She was asking him that a lot these days.

 

‘Yes, just thinking.’  He was doing a lot of that these days too.

 

‘It’s going to be okay but if this doesn’t work out that’s okay too, we will figure something else out, or not.  You know that either way I’m still in this right? You don’t have to do this, like now, or ever-’

 

‘I know.  I want to do this.  But Darce if things go wrong, not with the science, but exposing myself, you know they could find out, they could come for me.’

 

She squeezed him tight.

 

‘They aren’t going to find out.  I have to believe that. The plan will work.’

 

There were so many variables known and unknown, at any point the plan could fall apart, it probably would.  Was he really going to do this? Risk everything to do this? 

 

He really was.

 

Jane had gotten them an invite to meet with Shuri and T’Challa in Monaco.  Darcy was looking forward to the trip, Monte Carlo was on her ‘to visit’ list.  James didn’t think they were going to be doing a lot of sightseeing. The location would not have been his first choice, lots of eyes, lots of security in the playground of the rich.

 

Jane was certain that Shuri would be on board and Darcy had confidence in her ability to sway anyone to his cause.  How he had managed to get such fierce champions he will never know. Tonight they had been at odds as to whether or not he should go with them.  Darcy wanted him to be close, but not necessarily with them, Jane wanted him close by in case Shuri or T’Challa wanted to meet with him.

 

The argument had been something to watch, but he had ended it quietly when he had told them both that he was not going to risk their safety, that he would be close by in case word got out that they were there on his behalf.  He would not leave them unprotected.

 

So they would go, he would be travelling a few days earlier to do recon and get set up.  Both Jane and Darcy had been shocked at the hotel he had booked for them, they would have adjoining suites.

 

‘Uh, you can afford that?’  Jane had given him a side eye glance, he had simply shrugged.

 

‘He’s rich,’ Darcy handed out the beers she had taken from the fridge, then hopped up on the island, they had gotten Jane to come over for dinner and to plan.  

 

‘Rich?’  Surprised Jane gave him a once over, considering.

 

He shrugged.  ‘HYDRA owed me 70 years of back pay.  With interest.’

 

There was a beat of silence, then two, and Darcy busted out laughing kicking out at him from her spot on the island.  ‘Oh my God you’re ridiculous.’

 

Jane laughed, shaking her head at the morbid humor, he considered it a win that he could joke about it now.

 

‘So like we are going to need to blend in while we’re there right?’  Darcy could a pull of her beer, as attention turned her way. James considered her words and nodded.

 

‘Awesome so that totally means we need to shop.’

 

His eyebrows rose and Jane groaned aloud.  ‘No, no way Darcy, not happening.’

 

Darcy rolled her eyes.  ‘Jane we are going to Monte Carlo to meet literal royalty, you can’t wear jeans and flannel.’  She pointed at the ensemble that Jane was wearing, jeans and flannel, he supposed she had a point.

 

‘And you can’t wear shit kickers and hoodies.’  He really could thought, Darcy read his mind. ‘Not without attracting the wrong kind of attention.’

 

Maybe she had a point.  ‘What did you have in mind?’

 

Darcy grinned, Jane groaned, ‘You’re going to regret asking that.’

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

Never in a million years had Darcy thought she would be in Monte Carlo, staying in a 5 star hotel with sea views.  Jane was in an adjoining room, and she assumed James was close by. He had left three days ago to get everything set up on their end.  

 

They were scheduled to meet with Shuri tomorrow afternoon.  As excited as she was to be here, in this amazing place, the Hotel de Paris was unlike any place she had ever stayed, Monaco was gorgeous, like brain melting awesome, she couldn’t help the uneasiness in her stomach.

 

This was important, like so so important, and while she believed that Shuri would want to help and could help, it wasn’t up to her, or at least only up to her.  James was putting his faith in her, in Jane, and there were very real consequences if they were wrong, if things went wrong. 

 

She wanted this for him, to get back what was stolen from him, and to help him find peace, but God she just couldn’t lose him if things went wrong.  Like if someone turned them in or God forbid HYDRA found out, she was going to lose something and someone who had become incredibly important.

 

Again there was that word floating around the back of her mind that she had yet to say out loud, but it was there and sooner or later she was going to have to acknowledge it.

 

‘Hey.’

 

Jumping, Darcy almost dropped her phone over the railing of the balcony.

 

‘Jesus fucking Christ.’  Turning James stood in the doorway.  Getting her first good look at him in three days, her breath cut short.  He was wearing a cream colored linen suit, the first two buttons on the blue dress shirt he wore underneath were undone, and it was just not that fair that he looked at good.  Like damn. Even the light brown leather driving gloves he wore, to disguise the metal of his hand, looked right on him.

 

‘You scared the shit out of me.’  His eyebrows rose as he took a few steps closer.  Yup, he was devastatingly pretty, she was having trouble hanging onto her mad.

 

‘Sorry.’  His voice was low and rough and she thought maybe her own attempt at dressing up was doing things to him as well.  She could live with that. The heels she were wearing wear black, painfully high, and her pale grey blouse was practically sheer and cut dangerously low for her cup size.  She knew what the pencil skirts did to him and she saw him eyeing her hemline, she supposed he was imagining what she was wearing underneath, her lingerie set was amazing if she did say so herself.

 

Getting Jane into fancy clothes had been an experience, Darcy had thought that James would be the harder one out of the two, but he had simply handed her a black credit card and told her to get him what she thought was best.  Thank God for online ordering. The labels were the best out there and if the cuts weren’t exactly a perfect fit, she knew alterations were usually done, hopefully it wasn’t too noticeable.

 

‘Everything checking out okay?’    He nodded.

 

‘So far nothing has popped on any of the scanners and there’s been no extra activity on the ground.’  That was a relief, she gave him a big smile.

 

‘That’s good to hear.’

 

James was within an arm's length, she turned her back on the view of the sea, her eyes only for the man in front of her.  He reached out and rucked a wayward curl behind her ear.

 

‘Have I told you yet how beautiful you are?’  His words had the immediate effect of putting a fierce blush on her cheeks.

 

‘Not yet, but I’m not opposed to hearing it.’  James smiled and finally his arms were wrapping around her waist.

 

‘You’re beautiful.’

 

‘You’re not so bad yourself,’ she grinned up at him.

 

‘Oh yeah?’  She smoothed down the lapels of his jacket.

 

‘Yup.  I’m digging this whole Eastern European old money vibe you got going on.’  He laughed.

 

‘My folks were from Romania, went over when I was  in my Ma’s belly.’ Her eyebrows rose at that.

 

‘I didn’t know that.’  The history books had never said anything about Captain America’s best friend being the son of immigrants.

 

He shrugged one shoulder, ‘History has a funny memory sometimes.’  Darcy could imagine the people behind the war effort had not been thrilled with the choice of Cap’s number two.  In fact the Howling Commandos as a whole were way more progressive than what she would have expected coming out of the 1940’s.

 

‘Romania huh?’  He nodded. ‘I’ve never been.  Maybe once we get all this sorted out we could take a vacation, check out the homeland.’

 

Her grin was cheeky.  

 

‘Sounds like a plan doll.’

 

‘That’s right and I always have the best plans.’

 

‘You really do.’

 

‘Can you kiss me now, because it has been way too long since you lips have been near mine and-’ his lips cut off her words.  She wasn’t going to complain, not when his tongue was in her mouth, and his hands were sliding into her hair.

 

‘I missed you.’  She whispered into his ear as she bit as the soft skin of his neck.  There was an 87% chance that he had just growled, but she couldn’t be certain, so she bit at him again.

 

‘Missed you too doll,’ then he picked her up and carried her inside.  He showed her with his mouth and fingers just how much he had missed her, and she had earned a gold star for her lingerie set.

 

**_James_ **

 

The future King of Wakanda was not what he had expected.

 

‘You have very persuasive champions.’  He spoke quietly but there was a gravity to his voice that put James at ease, well at ease as he could be in this situation.  ‘I wonder at the kind of man who could inspire such loyalty.’

 

‘They are something else.’  Jane and Darcy had holed themselves up with Shuri and T’Challa, he had listened in while Darcy and then Jane had pled his case.  The bugs he had planted in Jane’s suite had given him eyes and ears on the meeting.

 

‘Your friends are fiercely protective of you, it is this loyalty and concern for your well being that had me intrigued.’  James had expected the visit, but had assumed it would be more along the lines of a threat assessment, which he supposed it still was.

 

‘I’ve done terrible things.’  No use trying to hide what he was.  

 

‘Terrible things were done to you.’  T’Challa moved towards the balcony railing, looking out over the water.  ‘How one faces that, what they chose to do after that shows the real measure of a person.’

 

James hadn’t done much beyond trying to survive, so he shared what he had done after, what he had done during the fall of SHIELD, how Steve had helped him break through his programming.  How he had lived hour to hour and then day by day, up until he had seen a beautiful woman sitting an outdoor market.

 

‘You care very much for her.’  James looked over. He thought of Darcy, of everything she had done for him, the debt he owed her that he would never be able to repay.

 

‘I do.’  Saying it wasn’t hard.  The words hardly seemed adequate to convey how he felt about her.

 

‘I have heard of this HYDRA, of the evil they wish to spread across the world.’  James felt his spine go rigid. ‘You risked exposing yourself to them, exposing your friends.’  There was a question there, James heard it.

 

‘Yes.  It’s a risk.  I tried to tell them that they were at risk, that the people who came for me would hurt them, but they insisted.’  No matter how he had argued. ‘Their concern for me could get them killed. Or worse.’

 

T’Challa met his eyes, ‘There are indeed things worse than death in this life, as you know all too well.  You would face that again to protect them’

 

James nodded, he had wished so many times to just die, when he was being held as a prisoner in Azzano, when the tubes running into his arms had poured fire into his veins.  The pain had been such that he had been incoherent with it. And after he fell, the pain had been all consuming, they had broken his body and then his mind, pain had been his only companion, his only constant.  He would live through it all again if he had to, if it meant they were safe, his life meant less than nothing without them. 

 

‘I’ll understand if you say no.  You have to protect your family and your people.  The risks,-’ Well James didn’t need to go over the risks again.

 

The look T’Challa gave him was open and searching.  ‘Yes, there are many risks, many people would wish to have your head.’  

 

James clenched his jaw, looking back over the water, he didn’t want to fight this man, would if it meant his freedom, freedom he needed to keep Darcy and Jane safe.

 

‘It is fortunate then that you will have the Kingdom of Wakanda behind you and my word that no harm will come to you and yours.’

 

Stunned James turned to stare open surprise written on his face.

 

‘I would be honored to help you James Barnes, you have endured more than anyone should ever have too.’  The hand that extended towards him was unexpected, everything about this was unexpected. He had not really thought this would work.

 

Shaking his hand, he whispered, ‘Thank you,’ hardly seemed enough.

 

‘Come now, let us tell them of our agreement, your Darcy will soon wear a mark in the carpet.’  James smiled, she had been pacing outside the closed balcony doors for the past ten minutes. 

 

T’Challa led the way back inside.  Darcy was, as expected, on the other side of the doors.  ‘Everything okay?’ 

 

James nodded, T’Challa smiled, ‘It is indeed.  Come we have plans to make.’ He moved towards the large table where Shuri and Jane were looking over papers and MRI scans.

 

Darcy was in his arms in the next instant, he just barely caught her, lifting her in a hug, not caring that everyone had stopped to stare.  ‘I can’t believe it worked.’ 

 

He laughed into her neck.  ‘Me neither.’

 

There were still a million things that could go wrong, but for now, in this moment, everything was as right as he could have ever hoped for them to be.

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

Wakanda was amazing.  She had done a few papers on the small, secluded country back in college, fascinated at the time how one alloy could mean so much to so many people that it had shaped an entire nation.  Instead of exploiting their natural resource, like the oil fields of the middle east, and wielding the power that came with it, Wakanda had done the opposite. Closing their borders and fiercely protecting what was theirs.

 

Now she saw first hand why, the country was thriving, its people were educated and self sufficient and she was a big fan of the free universal healthcare.  She didn’t think she ever wanted to leave.

 

Or maybe that was just because she was staying in a the palace, like a real, honest to goodness, palace.  

 

Everything had moved rather quickly after T’Challa had extended an invitation to them all to return to Wakanda.   Darcy had been worried about Jane’s teaching position, her own work could be done from anywhere but Jane was in the middle of a semester.

 

Jane had waved off her concerns, it was literally the opportunity of a lifetime, going to Wakanda, having access to their tech.  Shuri had already brainstormed at least ten things she wanted Jane to collaborate on once they got James settled. Darcy had helped her pen an email to the faculty advisors, making sure to name drop a certain royal name, with permission of course.

 

The flight out of Monaco, in T’Challa’s Royal Talon Flyer had been memorable.  James was clearly geeking out, and he had been unable to hide his curiosity about the aircraft, the tech employed in it.  She had been shocked to learn that he knew how to fly multiple kinds of aircraft including a helicopter and those sci-fi looking ones that SHIELD used.  

 

T’Challa had welcomed him into the cockpit, Shuri and Jane were still attached at the hip and sharing a tablet.  Which had left Darcy and a fierce woman, who had finally introduced herself as Okoye, and carried a wicked looking spear.  Darcy recognized the looks Okoye was giving Shuri and T’Challa, ‘Once they get their nerd on there’s no coming back from that.’

 

The smile she got in return was small, but it was an opening Darcy was not about to pass up.  By the time the flight landed they had swapped their best lab disaster stories and Darcy had been strong armed into self defense lessons.  Okoye had been delighted by the story of how Darcy had tased Thor, but thought she relied to heavily on the weapon. 

 

When they had landed and been escorted into the palace, Jane had immediately gone off to the labs with Shuri, Okoye promising to make sure that she had someone be sure they both ate before excusing herself.  T’Challa walked with her and James through the halls, pointing out items of interest, which was basically everything, until he stopped in front of a set of doors.

 

‘These are your rooms.  You are welcome to explore the palace and the grounds at your leisure, and arrangements can be made should you want to head into the city.  I will arrange for more clothes to be delivered as soon as possible.’ They had the clothes they had bought for Monaco with them but nothing more.

 

‘I can’t even begin to thank you for everything.’  Darcy smiled, just saying thank you hardly seemed like it was enough.  

 

‘It is my pleasure to help where I can.  I look forward to seeing you both for dinner.’  James gave T’Challa a nod of thanks before opening the door for her.

 

The suite was gorgeous.  The foyer led into a large living room, she hardly noticed the sofas and armchairs, the tables with the bright flowers on them, not when there was a wall of windows and sliding glass doors opened to the massive balcony.  

 

‘Oh my God.’  The warm air welcomed them as they stepped out on what was technically a balcony, but was as large as the room they had walked through.  Rolling hills of green stretched out before them. She could see herds of animals and groups of people doing some sort of drills. The sky was a bright blue, and she turned her head up into the sunshine.

 

‘This place is amazing.’

 

James wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight against his chest.

 

‘It is.’  She felt the kiss on the top of her head and smiled.  ‘I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, the plan you and Jane cooked up, I never would have made it this far without you.’

 

There were tears rising up her throat and she was glad she wasn’t looking at him, she would probably lose the hold on the tears if she was looking at him right now.

 

‘No matter what happens I want you to know, I need you to know,’ and she could hear the emotion in his voice and it was almost too much for her to keep her composure.  ‘You’re just, everything Darcy, just amazing, and just everything. I’m not saying this right.’

 

He was saying it perfectly.  She squeezed his hands tugging at the leather when she realized he was still wearing the gloves, when he made no move to remove them, she started doing it for him.  ‘You’re saying it just right. And just in case I haven’t made it clear you are amazing and wonderful and deserve all the good things in life.’

 

Gloves off she tossed them onto the chaise lounge that she was absolutely going to use to get some sun, she turned in his arms.  Reaching up, she cupped his cheeks, tugging his face close to her. ‘You’re my everything James, don’t forget you’re my person.’

 

His laugh was wet, and she was absolutely going to fall apart if he cried.  ‘How could I forget.’ She pressed a kiss to his lips, scratching her nails through his beard, he was seriously part cat, he practically mellted into her touch.

 

‘Come on let’s go explore.’  Taking his hand she pulled him back into the suite.  There were two sets of doors on either side of the living room, They headed to the doors on their right, one door led to a half bath and the other door to a bedroom with its own en suite.  The bedroom on the other side of the living room was the same, the other door leading to an office instead of a bathroom.

 

Claiming the first bedroom as theirs, she had earned an eyebrow raise at that.  ‘What? You have a better standing offer I should know about.’ He rolled his eyes.

 

‘Just figured you would want to share with Jane.’  Now she rolled her eyes. 

 

‘Hmm… let me see, share a bed with my boss who snores and steals the covers or my super sexy boyfriend who steals the covers but gives me banging orgasms.’  Tapping her chin as she pretended to think it over she smirked at him. ‘I guess I should go with Jane now that I think of it’

 

In a fit of playfulness she had never seen in him, James picked her up and tossed her on the bed.  She bounced with a laugh and welcomed his long body as it stretched over her. Her legs parted automatically and his hips fit perfectly between them. They had shared the sofa several times, but never like this.  The weight of him over her was as delicious as she had imagined it would be. She wished there were less clothes between them but she knew that would come eventually.

 

‘Hi.’  So she sounded a little, a lot, breathless but he had that effect on her.

 

‘Hi yourself.’  He didn’t make any moves to kiss her or touch her beyond where his hands rested on her shoulders, he was content to just look at her.  He did that sometimes, studied her when he thought she wasn’t looking and sometimes when she was, it had been intense at first, but she had gotten used to it, had started looking for herself and she could see the appeal.  Especially when the face was as nice as his.

 

When she had said earlier that he was her everything, she had meant it, he wasn’t her only thing, she wouldn’t be one of those people who lost themselves in another person.  She was still Darcy, would still be Darcy, but James was someone that she would fight for that she would sacrifice for. 

 

‘You know we are going to rock this right?’  Grinning she ran her hands up his arms and into his hair.

 

‘Yeah,’ he asked, eye closing as she scratched at his scalp?

 

‘Yup, and when we do, we are going to celebrate.’  His eyes opened and looked down at her. 

 

‘Are we?’

 

‘Yup,’ she smirked, ‘I have a plan.’

  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**_James_ **

 

Today was the day.  

 

After a month of testing and more testing, they were ready.  Shuri and Jane had tried to explain the science behind what they had built but it had been a whole lot of complicated words and he had simply nodded along.  

 

‘We’re going to reboot you my friend.’  Shuri had given him a big smile and a fist bump.

 

That had been two days ago.  There were some last minute safety measures that Okoye had wanted to test before they began.  There was a very real concern that he could go under as James and come back as something else.  

 

The science minds were not concerned, what they had planned focused on the missing parts in his head, the scans had revealed extensive damage to neural pathways from the repeated wipes and unknown drugs.  James had still had a quiet conversation with Okoye and T’Challa about what to do if the Winter Soldier was with them when he woke up.

 

Darcy had not been happy about that, not that he had had the conversation, and not that he told them to put him on ice until they figured something else out, but before he could figure out what had upset her she had bolted from the room.  The subsequent silent treatment was the longest six hours of his life in recent memory.

 

She had tracked him down in the gym, he had needed to work out his frustration, and apologized for her reaction.

 

‘I’m sorry I flipped out on you.  I just, I just don’t like the thought of you in the cold.  I had sort things out in my head and I'm sorry for leaving like I did.   I mean I know why you would want to do it and it’s totally your decision.  Hurting someone would suck, even if it wasn’t on purpose. So I get it, I do, but I don’t like it, I don’t like you going somewhere I can’t follow.’

 

He had stood there, dumbfounded, hands taped up for his work on the heavy bag.  She was almost in tears and he had not been able to hold himself back, he caught her hands and pulled her close.  Darcy had immediately thrown her arms around his neck and buried her face into his chest, not caring that he was a sweaty mess of a person.

 

‘Darcy, I don’t ever want to go somewhere without you by my side. But-’

 

‘- But you might have too.’

 

‘But I might have too.’

 

‘I know, but just know that if you go under again, I’ll be there when you come out.’

 

He hadn’t been able to hold back the words, he didn’t want too.

 

‘You know right?  You know I love you?’

 

There were tears on her face when she looked up at him.  

 

‘Yes, God, yes, I do and I love you too.’

 

There might have been tears on his face by then too.  He had asked her to say it again, they must have made quite a spectacle as he had picked her up, and with her legs wrapped around his waist had carried her back to their rooms and walked right into the shower.

 

Last night Darcy had curled up in his arms, she had listed all the places she wanted to visit with him and things she wanted to see and do, after they got everything fixed in his head.  Before she had fallen asleep she had gotten him to promise her a trip to Disney World. 

 

Sleep for him had been impossible, his mind was racing with what if’s and maybe, creating scenarios, some good, but mostly bad, and what the fallout could be.

 

Now they were due to be at the labs in an hour and they were sharing a light breakfast on the patio.  Darcy was curled up, chin propped on her knees as she sipped at her coffee, her attention out on the horizon.

 

He wanted to ask her what she was thinking.  He wanted to know what her plans were, really, after all of this was over.  He wanted to hear her say I love you again. 

 

Instead he took a drink of orange juice and forced down a few bites of omelette and a croissant.

 

‘We’re going to have to leave soon.’  She sounded like that was the last thing she wanted to be doing.  She sounded like there were tears in her words.

 

‘Darce-’

 

‘-Don’t.’  She held up a had.  ‘There are so many things I want to do and say and I will, we will, but after, we are going to have a sit down and go over everything we want tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and next week and next month to look like.  I have to believe that because if I don’t I am going to lose my shit and like lock you in the bedroom or something.’

 

She was crying by that point, the laugh at her own expense was wet.  He reached out and took her hands in his, pulling her towards him, she moved without resistance.  Pulling her onto his lap, he wrapped his arms around her, she dropped her head onto his shoulder.

 

‘Locked in a bedroom with you doll, sounds like heaven.’  She laughed, he felt a kiss on his bare shoulder. ‘I want to do all those things with you too, don’t think for a second that I don’t.  No matter what happens know that.’

 

Tightening his hold on her, he looked out at the sun that was rising, pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and just memorized the moment.  The warm air around them, the feel her breath against his neck, he soaked in every sensation and emotion, willing himself to hold onto it, to hold onto her, and never let it go.  

 

He didn’t want to lose any of it, even if a little voice in his head told him that he might lose all of it, including her.                 

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

They had gone over the steps numerous times, she knew what was going to happen and when it was supposed to happen and the why behind it all.  Regardless she was asking questions, stupid questions, pacing behind Jane as she typed away at a keyboard.

 

‘Darcy, everything is going to okay.’

 

She didn’t know that, Jane was a genius but she couldn’t know that.  ‘How do you know that, you can’t know that.’

 

Jane paused in her typing to turn around.  ‘Look, I know you’re scared and no I can’t promise that everything will be okay, no one could do that, but I am reasonably confident that everything is going to be okay.’

 

Reasonably confident, that was more than she had expected Jane to give, she wasn’t one to lay odds.  

 

‘What you need to do is take a deep breath and calm down.  You freaking out isn’t going to make this any easier for James.’

 

‘Right,’ James was what she needed to be focusing on.  ‘I’m being ridiculous.’

 

Jane tugged her into a hug, ‘You’re not ridiculous, you care about him and are worried for him and that makes sense.  It’s why you’re so easy to love.’

 

Darcy smiled, ‘You love me Janey-boo?’

 

With a snort Jane pulled out, ‘Yeah maybe, but only on the days that end in y.’  

 

Darcy laughed, ‘Love you too.’

 

A door opened and Shuri walked into the lab, followed by James, T’Challa and Okoye.  She took a deep breath before walking over to him and taking his hand.

 

‘You good?’  Ugh, of course he could tell she had been freaking out, he should not be asking her that.

 

‘Yup, just some pregame jitters.’  She tried for a smile, wasn’t sure she pulled it off though if the frown between his eyes was any indication.

 

‘Darce-’

 

‘-Nope,’ she cut him off.  She could hear the words before he said them, telling her he would call it off.  ‘We are not calling it off, we are going to kick some ass, and then celebrate.’

 

The frown eased but didn’t completely fade, ‘You’ve got a plan huh?’

 

Smiling she pressed a kiss to his lips, ‘I always do.’

 

He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight, ‘I love you, no matter what happens, just know that, okay?

 

Crying was not an option but she wanted too, ‘I know it.  And I love you too.’ 

 

Their kiss was probably just a shade more than what was appropriate given that they had company but she absolutely did not care.  Parting, he pressed his forehead against hers, ‘Kick ass, celebrate, live.’

 

Darcy laughed, ‘I love your plan.’  He smiled at her, she took his hand and together they walked over to the table where all the equipment was set up.

 

The initial plans that Shuri had drawn up had included a chair, James had taken one look at the attached restraints and had gone pale.  Darcy had vetoed that idea immediately. That had led to some heavy discussions on how best to proceed. 

 

Shuri had come up with a solution, had created a nifty bit of tech that Okoye had said she wanted to commandeer.  Rather than restrain him bodily Shuri had created a portable force field generator that once activated would keep him in.  

 

They had tested it several times, both James and T’Challa in his activated Black Panther suit had tried to break out, to no avail.  Once Okoye had seen James try to punch through with his left arm, only to have the force generated by his arm be absorbed thus reinforcing the field, she had asked for them to be installed in the holding cells and possibly converted into defensive weapons.  

 

James sat on the gurney they had rolled over, Jane attached leads to his temples, which was how Shuri would work her magic, and a few on his chest, to monitor his vitals.                                                

 

They had offered to work the force field around the gurney or a simple chair so he could have something to sit on, but he declined.  

 

Jane picked up a large syringe, like the largest one Darcy had ever seen.  ‘When you’re ready I’ll administer this, it will help with the pain, if there is any, but your metabolism burns fast so we wait until the last second to inject.  Okay?’

 

James nodded, looking once at everyone in the room until his eyes landed on Darcy, she smiled.  ‘Kick ass.’ He smiled and then told Jane he was ready.

 

He walked over to where they had marked the floor with the boundaries of the force field, Jane followed.  The needle slid into his arm, but he wasn’t watching it, his eyes never left Darcy. Her heart was beating fast, she couldn’t help that her hands were wringing together.

 

T’Challa had moved to stand next to her, he was a comforting presence.  Darcy took the hand he offered her and squeezed it tight, her eyes still on James.

 

‘You ready,’ Shuri asked, once Jane had walked away?

 

He nodded, Shuri hit a button and the force field lit up, surrounding James in gold.  

 

The next several hours were some of the longest in Darcy’s life.  Shuri had hit a button, a male voice had spoken the first of the trigger words in Russian.  Whatever lit up in James’ brain at the reaction of the word was what Shuri focused on.      

 

Eight times they had to do that, the sequence of eight words that would shut James away and turn him into a shell, it was horrible.  There were a handful of other words that they had uncovered in the files, including the one he had given to her months ago that would ‘turn him off.’  He had argued briefly for keeping that, that it could be useful should he need to be put down. 

 

She had had a few choice words for him at that, and while it was his brain and his decision Shuri had vetoed both of them, telling him that it was an all or nothing kind of deal.  Darcy wasn’t sure she believed her but James had conceded and that word would go too. 

 

And so they went.

 

Some of the words hurt more than others, that had been the worst part, watching him cringe in pain, even with the drugs, grabbing at his head as the word and its effects were eliminated.  Those were scenes she knew would haunt her nightmares.

 

And then it was done.  The last of the trigger words were erased.   Shuri had hit a few more buttons and asked if he was ready, it was time to work on repairing or removing the scar tissue that had formed over decades.  She had speculated that once that happened he would be able to access the memories that had been stolen from him.

 

Or it could change nothing.

 

Or it could erase who they knew as James.

 

Button pressed they all waited, James had long since sank to the floor, sitting cross legged as they had gone word by word.  Now his back arched in pain, the low groan he released tugged at everything inside of Darcy. 

 

Then he simply collapsed on his side and Darcy might have shrieked a little.  The room scrambled into action, Okoye moving to check the stability of the forcefield.  Jane was typing away, checking his vitals and calling them out. T’Challa was talking quietly to his sister whose hands were flying across a holographic projection of James’ brain.

 

Darcy was frozen, there was nothing she could do to help, she could only wait.

 

**_James_ **

 

Waking up had not been gradual.  One second he was gone and then he was back, eyes opening, the panic rising as he didn’t recognize the room he was in.  He was lying on a bed, but there were no restraints on him, which he had expected. 

 

Except he wasn’t captured, he wasn’t a prisoner.

 

Darcy.  Red. Horizon.  Love.

 

Darcy.  Red. Horizon.  Love.

 

It was coming back to him, blinking he recognized the slick walls and stone ceilings.

 

He was in Wakanda.  He was here with Darcy and Jane, they were going to fix his brain.  The glow around his bed woke the last part of him struggling to catch up.  He was not restrained but he was still on lockdown. 

 

Looking to his left he saw the chair pulled up as close to his bed as was safely allowed and the woman sleeping, curled up, with her knees pulled close to her chest.

 

‘Darce-’ he realized too late that she was asleep, but she jerked at the sound of her voice.

 

‘Oh my God,’ she scrambled up off the seat and yelled for Jane.

 

It didn’t occur to him until she started crying asking if he was okay that he had known her on site, he had remembered who she was, he remembered everything.  

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

It wasn’t until the room filled with people, Jane and Shuri rushing in to check vitals and readouts, Okoye and T’Challa, one at the foot of the bed, the other by the door, just in case, that it hit her that he had said her name.

 

He had said her name.

 

The relief had her sinking into the chair they had pushed away from the bed.

 

The past two days had been hell.  After James had lost consciousness he had not woken up.  Not when Shuri announced they were done. Not when he was moved from the lab into a private room.  She had been sitting vigil at his side, taking some comfort in Shuri’s repeated assurance that he was just in a deep sleep while his mind and body healed.

 

The longer he slept the more convinced she was that he was going to wake up and not remember anything, well not remember her.

 

But he had looked at her and he had said her name, he remembered.

 

**_James_ **

 

There were tests, so many tests, he knew they were important, that the results would determine if what they had tried had worked.  He knew that he had to do well or he would be behind gold for the foreseeable future, but it was hard to focus, hard to answer the questions and stay calm.  

 

Hard because Darcy was sitting in a corner watching everything with wide eyes and he couldn’t have her close.  It was clear to him that she had not slept or eaten much since he had gone under, two days they had told him, but it had only felt like minutes.

 

For Darcy it would have been a long two days, imagining their positions reversed he didn’t think he would have fared much better.

 

Only after they had run through the trigger words a dozen times in several languages and dialects and he had not had any reaction, either one he could feel, or anything lighting up his brain had Shuri looked to her brother for confirmation, T’Challa had given her a small nod.

 

James sat up and Darcy moved a step closer and the force field dissipated.

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

A week, a simple seven days, had passed since James had woken up and said her name.

 

When he had been given the all clear and was free, his arms had gone around her and had not let go.  Eventually he had pulled her onto the bed beside him, Shuri mentioning that they still needed to run more tests, Jane had poked her in the side, ‘But we can wait a little while.’

 

The room had cleared and they had finally been alone.

 

‘Hey you,’ she had whispered, tracing the lines of his face with her fingers.

 

‘Hey yourself,’ his voice had been low and rough.

 

He had asked what had happened and she had whispered the details and highlights since he had passed out.  When he had tried to apologize for making her worry, she had poked him in the chest and told him to stop being ridiculous.

 

Now they were in their suite.  Jane had moved into smaller quarters closer to Shuri and the labs.  She missed having her friend close, but she would admit that it was nice having a space just for them.

 

Breakfast out on the patio had kind of become their thing, she missed their nights cooking, and they had totally invaded the palace kitchens more than once, but there was nothing like waking up and already having coffee and eggs and amazing potato hash ready at the push of a button.  

 

Shuri had totally created an app that everyone staying in the palace and on staff used.  Darcy loved ordering food off of it and had absolutely used it when she had gotten lost the first time, and every time after, it was a big palace and her sense of direction totally sucked.

 

There were some heavy thoughts floating around James, she had picked up on it after Jane had carted the last of her stuff out of the suite last night, but had not brought it up, waiting and hoping that he would.

 

She would give him through the meal and then they would adult and talk about it.  Pulling her legs up, she rested her chin on her knees as she studied him and sipped her coffee.

 

**_James_ **

 

He didn’t think he could ever get tired of the view.  Every morning that he sat outside, with Darcy, Wakanda felt more and more like home, home in a way that he hadn’t felt in decades.  

 

‘I love it here.’  

 

Darcy looked over at him.  ‘Yeah?’ Her expression was hard to read, she was looking at him like something had finally made sense.  He had no idea what that was about, so he nodded in return.

 

They had talked about picking somewhere as their home base, maybe Oslo or Stockholm, neither cared much for the winter weather, but the cities and cultures suited them both.  That was before, before the sunrises and the warm air, and sparing with T’Challa, and training in weaponry with Okoye. M’Baku had even invited him back to his home for a feast after their last meeting in the ring had seen James bring the bigger man to his knees.  Darcy had laughed at them, rolling her eyes at a friendship starting with a taunt and a reverse chokehold that proved a point. 

 

Picking a home city in Europe had made sense, if and when things ever died down they could do some of that traveling that she wanted to do, and he was more than happy to go where she lead.  That had been before he had known the solace and security of the land around him. In the end though he wanted her to be happy and if exploring the world was what she wanted he would not consider it a hardship to be by her side, they could always visit.

 

‘Jane is going to take the position that Shuri offered.’

 

An unexpected turn in the conversation but her comment didn’t surprise him.  Jane and Shuri had hit it off, their interactions prior to meeting to help him, had been email exchanges and a few consulting video conferences.  Since their arrival Jane had made big strides in figuring out her energy problems and Shuri had taken Jane on as a mentor.

 

Darcy had bragged to him about all the stuff the two had planned and he had smiled at her obvious pride in the two women, ‘They are absolutely going to change the world’ she had told him, he agreed with her completely.

 

‘So she’s going to be moving here full-time?’

 

She nodded looking over the rim of her coffee cup at him.

 

‘And you?’  

 

He knew what he wanted her to say, that she wanted to stay too, that she wanted to stay here with him.  

 

‘Well I had some ideas, you know, places to go and see.’

 

Hope withered in his chest.

 

‘You’re going to stay aren’t you?’  She was still looking at him, he could feel it, but he couldn’t look up from where he was mechanically shredding a croissant into his empty coffee cup, he had thought they were going to be together.  The hurt in his chest threatened to overwhelm him. 

 

He nodded, he supposed he would stay, if she was going off without him than it would be for the best.  ‘Yeah. I think I am.’

 

‘Well I think that’s a great idea.  You love it here.’

 

‘I do.’  But he loved her more and his heart was breaking, thinking of living a life that didn’t have her close by.  She couldn’t be his only thing, that wasn’t fair to her, everything she had done to help him get his life moving forward, he would be doing her a disservice by not finding and maintaining parts of himself.  

 

Maybe a long distance relationship could work between them.

 

‘Well I love it here too, makes it convenient don’t you think?’  

 

Lost, he could only stare at her.

 

‘What?’

 

After a rather impressive eye roll, she put her feet down and stood, moving over to him, she straddled his legs, sitting on his lap, his arms automatically went around her waist and pulled her close.

 

‘It’s convenient that two of my favorite people are going to be here, you know in the totally awesome country and the amazing palace, where I’ll be staying .’

 

She was going to stay, she wanted to stay, but it didn’t feel right, it felt like she was giving up her life for him.

 

‘I don’t want you to give up your life for me, if you want to go back, we can, I mean if you want me to, or not.’

 

This was much harder than he had thought it would be and he wasn’t saying it right.

 

‘James.  Look at me.’

 

He did.  She wrapped her arms around his neck.

 

‘You and me, we’re a team now, you know.  You’re stuck with me and I am totally keeping you remember.’

 

Of course he remembered, he had just never thought that it would or could come to this.  His head was spinning, he had convinced himself that she was moving on without him, instead she was moving forward with him.

 

‘I love you and you love me.’

 

Yes, that was the truth.  

 

‘So we are going to try and do this.  I want to try and make this work between us.  Do you want that?’

 

God, yes, that was what he wanted.  He loved her, of course that was what he wanted.

 

‘Yes, I really do.’

 

Her smile was warm and her fingers in his hair relaxed him.

 

‘Good, because I do too.  I don’t care where we live, Wakanda is amazing, you feel good here, the wifi is like the fastest on the planet.’

 

He grinned at her, hardly believing this was a thing they were talking about.

 

‘You sure doll?  I know there were places you wanted to go and things you wanted to see.’

 

She rolled her eyes.  ‘That’s all true and it is absolutely my luck that my boyfriend just happens to know how to pilot multiple types of aircraft, some of which can totally get us to Disneyland Paris, in like, an hour.’

 

‘Darce-’

 

She pressed a finger to his lips.  ‘It is no hardship going to bed with you in Wakanda James Barnes.  So stop overthinking it and say yes Darcy, I would love to officially move into a palace without you Darcy.  And say yes Darcy I will fly you anywhere you want to go after I buy one of T’Challa’s snazzy fighter jets.’

 

His laugh was pressed against her throat, ‘I’m scared to think what one of those costs.’

 

Darcy tugged on his hair, ‘You’re rich remember, besides, the Queen adores you.  I’m sure you’d get the going family rate.’

  
  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we are almost to the end. Thanks to everyone who has commented and left a kudos, you are all heroes.

**_Darcy_ **

 

And so it went like this.

 

They planned and organized and talked logistics and made arrangements and ran so many background checks.

 

Finally all their stuff was delivered from Rotterdam, she was super happy to have all her clothes and toiletries back with her.  The kitchen items had been somewhat of a surprise, but then she hadn’t told the movers not to deliver them. For now anything from the move that they were unsure about were stowed away in Jane’s old room.

 

Darcy had turned the office into her workspace, breaking her rule of not working at home, but the lure of setting up an actual, honest to goodness home office, that wasn’t just a part of the kitchen table had been to good to pass up.  So far she had been able to work and concentrate just fine. This week she had officially taken on her second set of clients, another upstart, focused on eliminating waste from restaurants and coordinating with local shelters and food banks to make use of the uncooked or uneaten food.

 

DML, inc was officially up and running, with a client base stretching from Brussels to Lisbon.  Starting the day with that headline on all of her social media had been an awesome way to face a Monday.  She was working hard, doing something she loved, James was thriving. 

 

His days were always full, there was always something or someone around the palace that wanted or needed him around.  For insight, companionship or simply someone to spar with, he was popular. 

 

Everything was pretty awesome. 

 

Curled up next to him on the most comfortable couch she had ever sat on, watching Luther, they both adored John and Alice, she thought things probably couldn’t get more perfect. 

 

Well there was one thing that would make it perfect.

 

There might have been some planning involved, she had taken a nice long bath earlier, shaved pretty much everything, and picked out her underwear carefully.  No one looking would guess what she was wearing under her grey yoga pants and dark blue tank top.

 

James had his left arm draped over her shoulders, she was running her fingers up and down his hand and forearm.  She knew she was going to have to make the first move, or at least broach the subject first. They had shared a bed since coming to Wakanda, some nights she felt him shudder awake, bad dreams.  Sometimes he talked about them, sometimes he didn’t, but she had told him she would listen if he wanted to share.

 

His sleep had not been any better since recovering most of what he had lost.  There were still gaps, mostly from his time as the Asset, she hadn’t proded but she sensed that he was fine with that.  There were things beyond what they made him do, things they had subjected him to that, ‘they used me as a toy I think,’ but he hadn’t said more and she could hardly blame him.

 

They focused on the good memories, or at least the ones Bucky Barnes still had.  His family had returned to him, memories of little Steve and the Howlies. The highlights of his life were his again and he had been happy with that.  The rest could stay buried for all she cared. 

 

He had been much more forthcoming with his affections, both giving and receiving.  Well he had never had any issues giving her whatever she wanted, but he was getting more at ease with letting go and she thought maybe they were ready.  Well obviously she had to check in with him first.

 

‘Hey so I was wondering.’

 

He had just taken a mouth full of popcorn, but he raised his eyebrows at her, she rolled her eyes.

 

‘I think we should have the sex.  You know if you’re up for it?’

 

She smirked when he coughed up the popcorn he was trying to swallow.

 

‘Jesus Christ woman.’

 

Taking a chance, she moved to straddle his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.  In the background John was telling Alice to leave him alone, to leave Zoe alone, she hoped they finally got their act together and paired up, but she had an armful of man to focus on now.

 

Straddling his thighs, she knew she could rock forward a few more inches and get her point across much more specifically, but she didn’t want to push it, or push him.  So she sat back, scratching the back of his neck, watching him as he looked at her. 

 

She had given him a trim yesterday, it had gone much easier, he had managed to sit in a chair and had been okay with her standing behind him.  Her pride at everything he had accomplished in such a short amount of time knew no bounds.

 

‘You know you’re awesome right?’

 

His look of confusion had her smiling. 

 

‘I mean look at you.’

 

She legit adored this man.

 

‘You got it wrong doll, I’m looking at the most beautiful, kind hearted and amazing woman imaginable.’

 

She felt her cheeks heat, ‘Smooth Barnes.’

 

He chuckled, running a hand up her side and cupped her jaw.  ‘Nah, it’s the truth.’

 

Rolling her eyes she tugged at the short hairs on the back of his neck.

 

‘So,’ she asked?

 

The slow grin he gave her never failed to do things to her insides.  His hands on her waist pulling her closer, settling her right exactly where she wanted to be.

 

Quirking up an eyebrow, she asked, ‘Yeah?’

 

Nodding, he ran hands up her waist, coming to rest just under her breasts.  Oh boy she was about this life.

 

**_James_ **

 

And so it went like this.

 

They touched and tasted and shed the top layer of clothes.

 

‘Darcy,’ was that his voice, so ragged?  Standing between his parted legs, she was a vision in black and red lace.  Leaning forward, close enough that his hands rested on her thighs, he slid his hands up, one hand tracing over the lace covering her cunt, the other slipping around to squeeze her ass, only to find her skin bare.

 

She smirked down at him and did a little half turn.  He didn’t know when this type of fashion had started, little scraps of lace peeking out of the cleft of her ass, but he was all on board with it.

 

‘Going to kill me.’  Hands smoothed over her ass and around her waist, her skin was impossibly soft.

 

‘Nah, but I wouldn’t mind rocking your world.’  She was going to do that and more to him.

 

He shimmied out of his sweatpants, and took her hands in his, pressing a kiss to each palm, he was not unaware the effect that gesture had on her.  Pulling her back into his lap, he tugged her close, the feel of skin and lace against his bare chest ignited sensations he didn’t know he had forgotten.

 

He had forgotten the feel of naked breasts against his chest.  

 

Sliding his hands up her back he buried one hand in her hair, the other fingered the strap of her bra.  She grinned at him, grinding into his lap, he might have groaned, but it was understandable given the circumstances.  Pressing a kiss to her jaw his left hand cupped her breast thumb circling her nipple. Her moan had him smiling against her throat.  The last time Darcy had straddled him she had shown just how much she liked to be touched by his left hand. 

 

‘I love you,’ the words got him sharp tugs of her hands in his hair, he pulled back enough to look at her, hand still on her breast, right hand sliding down to cup the other one.  She kissed his forehead, nose, each cheek and finally his lips. ‘Love you more.’

 

He didn’t think that was possible.  

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

James was driving her crazy.  Like legit she was going to lose her mind.  He had gotten on board with ‘the sex’ and had decided to just end her with his hands and mouth.  His mouth was an evil, wonderful thing. 

 

He had made short work of taking off her bra, then wrapped an arm around her waist, lifting her until her breasts were a whisper away from his lips.  She had had a second to think about what he could do, but then the reality was so much better. Teeth tugged at her nipple, a hand lifted a squeezed a breast, looking down she groaned at the sight, it was absolutely an image that was going to be burned into her memories.  His mouth on her, his left hand squeezing her tight, yup she was a goner.

 

‘James, please,’ impatient she squirmed in his arms, there had been enough foreplay, like months of foreplay.  He laughed around her breast when she told him, pushing back against his shoulders, her nipple popped free of his lips, she ground down against him, the laugh died with his groan.

 

‘Need you in me,’ she pressed kisses to his cheeks and bites to his throat.  Leaning back she watched him watch as she sat up on her knees, quick as a lick she undid the bows tied at her hips, pulling her thong off and tossing it over her shoulder.

 

She was wet, so wet, she told him how much she wanted him, slipping a finger over her clit and and tugging at her nipple.  He liked to watch, they had done this before, he watched while she sat next to him or across from him and got herself off. She hoped she wouldn’t have to this time.

 

Telling him that she wanted him to push up inside of her, stretch her open, kiss her while she rode him, she wanted to pull on his hair while she orgasmed, and she desperately wanted his teeth on her throat when he came.  

 

‘Will you come in me James, fill me up just like we talked about.’

 

God, she wanted that, wanted him to fill her up until his cum spilled out of her when she stood up.  

 

‘Do you want that?’  Opening her eyes she looked down at him, his pupils were blown wide, she could hardly see the blue anymore, his jaw was clenched tight.  A quick glance down at his sides and she could see where his hands sat in fists by her knees.

 

She hardly had a heartbeat before he acted, showing her exactly how much he wanted that and more.

 

**_James_ **

 

He had done everything she had asked for, and more, more that she had whispered when he was balls deep inside of her, hips arching up as she pressed down.  

 

The orgasm had neatly shattered all expectations, his mind, solidly and blessedly going quiet as his entire body had simply become pleasure.  Coming down off the high, he felt each part of his body, each breath, each limb, he was more in tuned with every part of himself than he thought he might have ever been.

 

Then he was aware of Darcy, the feel of her cheek against his shoulder, her hair draped across his chest, her cunt still fluttering around his cock.  She was breathing heavy, but her arms were wrapped tight around his shoulders. ‘You good?’ Was that his voice, rough and sated? 

 

‘I am great, just give me a second, I can’t feel my brain.’

 

He pulled her close, pressing a kiss to her temple, there was no where else he wanted or needed to be.  

 

The following days he hadn’t been able to stay far away from her.  They had holed up in their rooms, eating and laughing and exploring each other’s bodies, likes and curiosities.  Without question the best days of any of his lives. 

 

Life just moved along.  

 

He worked and trained alongside T’Challa and Okoye, helping where he could.  Okoye especially put him through him his paces, pushing him to push her warriors, to hone their skills.  Afternoons playing lab monitor when Shuri and Jane were hovering on a break through. Waking up next to Darcy, tracing along her spine. until she would roll over and give him a smile.

 

Coming home to find Darcy assembling a Christmas tree.  At least what he thought could pass as a tree, no telling where she had found it.  The holiday wasn’t big in Wakanda, but she had been adamant about their first major holiday being special.

 

Every day he with her was special. Every day was a gift and he never wanted to take one moment for granted.  She had melted into his arms when he had told her that, arms wrapped around her as they looked over their tree, with its white lights and blue ornaments.  The only ones she could get delivered in two hours. 

 

That night, Christmas Eve, they had had their friends over for dinner, Christmas songs playing softly over the speakers hidden in the ceiling.  Watching Jane trying to convince M’Baku to try eggnog been a highlight of the night, probably the year. 

 

They had laughed about it later, cleaning up the dirty plates and wrapping paper.  The gift exchange had been impromptu, Darcy had handed out neatly wrapped presents to everyone who attended, Shuri had also had things for the guests.  Jane had made an attempt to wrap what looked like items she had collected around the lab. Okoye had stared down at the packs of post-it notes like they might attack her.

 

How he had ended up with such varied acquaintances he would never know.  ‘Friends’ Darcy had corrected him. They were his friends. 

 

He still didn’t know how he had collected so many, whatever he called them.  Christmas morning was just for the most important person in his life though, the one that had bounced on the bed not long after the sun had come up and dropped a pile of presents on his lap.  

 

Darcy had insisted he open a present before he had gone to the bathroom to deal with his bladder, and his morning breath. There might be a day when he could say no to her but Christmas morning wasn’t going to be that day.  

 

To her complete delight he had strolled out of their en suite with an armful of shoddily wrapped presents for her.  His girl was a sneak, he had seen her poking around for something shiny. He had tucked her pile, the one he had added to for weeks hidden right under her nose in her office, under the sink in their bathroom while she had been distracted during the party.

 

There might have been a few boxes, small, blue once unwrapped that had made her gasp.  The money he had taken had tripled and if he wanted to spend it on precious stones that reminded him of her lips, her eyes, than so be it.

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

New Years, unlike Christmas was absolutely celebrated in Wakanda.  The party, an extravagant, black tie event, had spilled seamlessly from one ballroom to the other.  Darcy had been excited for the event, excited for a chance to dress up, really dress up for the first time in forever.  

 

There had been a fun afternoon, she had pulled Shuri and Jane out of the lab, and into town.  Okoye had gotten roped in too and they had gone to lunch first indulging in sweet pastries and really good coffee before going dress shopping.

 

The dresses had been amazing, and Darcy had only needed to try on the first one she had picked out for her to know it had been the one.  She normally didn’t do strapless, her decolletage would be on maximum display with the grey corseted bodice, but she was okay with that. The hemline ended way above the knee, but it made her ass look amazing, fitted and ruched in such a way that showed a lot but didn’t reveal anything.

 

Shoes had been a nightmare, too many choices.

 

Okoye had finally thrown her a pair of black Louboutins with straps that wrapped around her ankle.  

 

Now she was dressed to knock socks off, her hair was twisted up into something complicated and pretty.  She had even put in a pair of contacts, which she hated getting out again, but she was going all out tonight, there was one pair of socks she was looking to blow off.

 

Sighing, she sipped at her flute of champagne, James had been kicked out of the suite, told to get ready over at Jane’s place since she was getting ready with Darcy.  He had been supposed to meet her back at their place so they could all arrive together, but he had texted her, there had been a problem with his suit and he would meet her down at the ballroom.

 

That had been a half hour ago.  She had texted him, tried calling, but he hadn’t responded or answered her call.  It was weird, he was being weird, she would be worried about being stood up except they lived together, so unless he was slipping out of the country while she was stress eating canapes he was just late.  He was never late. 

 

Something had to be wrong, they had talked about the party, about whether he thought he could handle it.  There had been some concerns, he had been more worried about being recognized than he had been of having an episode.  Shuri had rigged up a nifty bit of tech, a latex glove looking thing that slipped over his left hand, when he double tapped a small patch on his wrist the glove activated and it created the illusion a hand, an almost perfect match to his right one.  Maybe something had gone wrong with the glove, they had extras back at their place. 

 

Dropping off her now empty glass she skirted the edge of the dancing couples and mingling guests she was halfway to the exit when her phone pinged, looking down she saw it was from James.  A picture of gardens outside the ballroom she was currently standing in. 

 

Frowning down at her phone she stopped and looked around, behind her was a set of patio doors, she headed that way, slipping her phone back into its holder.  She had bought a super cool garter that had slots for her phone and credit cards and I.D. and even her lipstick. 

 

December in Wakanda, there was a chill in the air, but she hardly felt it.  There was a man she needed to have words with.

 

‘Hey.’

 

The voice came from her left, she turned on her heel, ready to chide him for ignoring her, when all words died on her lips.

 

Her brain might have shorted out.

 

‘Hey yourself.’  The reply was automatic.  There had definitely been an issue with his suit.  She had ordered him a dark blue suit, one that fit better than the one she had gotten him for Monaco.

 

He was not wearing the blue suit or the cream linen.

 

James stood before her in a tuxedo.  A perfectly tailored, fitted to every, single line of his body tuxedo.  Jesus God. He was a vision. 

 

When she finally tore her eyes up from the suit she saw that he was doing some appraising of his own.  Right, her dress, right. She looked fabulous too.

 

Walking closer she waved a hand at him.  ‘That is not the suit I picked out for you.’

 

He smiled, looking down at his feet.  ‘I thought I would surprise you.’ 

 

‘You definitely surprised me.’  He was within reach, she poked at his chest.  ‘What brought all this on?’

 

He shrugged,  ‘You were going all out, I thought I should give it a try.’  His right hand caught her left, pulling her close. ‘Doll, you look,’ his eyes skimmed down her and she felt the blush rise in her cheeks.  ‘Beautiful hardly seems appropriate.’

 

Grinning she reached up and slid a hand around his neck tugging him down for a kiss.  Pulling back enough to meet his eyes she smiled. She didn’t know what was coming, they still had their crazy days and rough nights, but in this moment everything was perfect and she would hold that close.

 

‘Happy New Years James.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written a lot of little one of scenes in stories, just snippets of what is going on atound the main characters, but Jane convincing M'Baku to try eggnog is probably my favorite. I need fic with these two, just like him being a badass and completely unprepared for the whirling dervish of intelligence that is Jane Foster. Okay thanks for listening to my TedTalk.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go everyone. The final chapter. I am so humbled by the response to this fic which was truly a labor of love for me. Again this is dedicated to Chellacat. Belle this wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Please let me know what you all think! Love you all.

One Year Later

 

**_Darcy_ **

 

Jane and Shuri were wreaking havoc in the lab, she was doing her best to reign them in, she was seriously considering calling in reinforcements and instituting a 48 hour lab ban.  She had done it before and knew she would have to do so in the future.

 

She had one hand reaching for her phone, debating whether she should ask James to come alone or bring Okoye with him.  They were out in the training yards, they had some new toys they were playing with. She used the terms loosely. Shuri had adapted the forcefield they had used during his session into various types of offensive and defensive weapons. 

 

Darcy had thought the blue cape thing was pretty cool.  Her fingers had already started typing out a message when the alarms started.  Everyone froze, Jane looking over at her and Shuri at the guards who ran into the room.

 

No one would tell them anything, the lab was put in lockdown and the three of them shuffled away from the windows as a circle of highly armed women surrounded them until James and Okoye ran into the room.

 

The next few hours were some of the worst Darcy could have imagined.  The attack in New Mexico had been abrupt, the Destroyer had landed and the ensuing melee had been over faster than she had thought was possible.  

 

Greenwich had been chaos, but she had had a job, something that kept her focused and not panicking, not even when Erik had sort of died, and the sky had kind of ripped open.  

 

Nothing about the last few hours had been quick and there had been nothing to preoccupy her thoughts.  On multiple television screens in the secure command center Okoye had led them to, they had watched the aftermath of the bombing in Vienna.  When it was announced that T’Chaka had been killed the room had gone silent.

 

That silence had been shattered by the sharp gasp from the Queen.  All eyes had turned towards the Queen. Darcy didn’t think she had ever seen such strength.  With her head held high, she opened her arms to Shuri who had run towards her mother. The room exploded into action after that.

 

They were all still staring at the televisions, waiting for any news, Okoye had finally gotten through to the head of their security in Vienna and was put through to T’Challa.

 

When the first image appeared Darcy almost didn’t recognize what she was seeing, it was only when the arms James had wrapped around her from behind fell away did she comprehend what she was seeing.  

 

The reporters were showing crappy video surveillance of the man who bombed the assembly, who killed T’Chaka.  T’Chaka who had welcomed them all into his country and into his home, who had danced with her on New Years Eve, the man who they claimed had killed him was named James Buchanan Barnes.

 

‘That’s wrong.’  Frowning at the screen she tried to keep up with what they were saying, something about the man known as the Winter Soldier having set off the bomb.  

 

‘That’s ridiculous,’ she muttered.  James had been nowhere near Vienna and even if he had he never would have killed T’Chaka.

 

‘That’s impossible,’ Jane said.  Snapping out of her daze she looked at her friend who was frowning at the monitors mumbling to herself about being in two places at once.

 

Darcy turned around finding James had stepped away from her, she didn’t see how he was still standing.  All the blood having drained from his face.

 

‘James.’  Reaching for him automatically, her hand froze when he flinched.  That hadn’t happened since Rotterdam, since those first few hesitant meetings.

 

Well she was having none of that horse shit in her stable.

 

‘Hey.’  She stepped up close, ignoring the taut way he was holding his body.  Everything about him screamed hands off at that moment but she knew him well enough to see other things.  She saw the jaw he was clenching, the lip he was biting and the panic and pain in his eyes.

 

‘Hey,’ she tried again, this time putting one hand on his chest and the other on his cheek.  He finally looked down at her.

 

‘I didn’t do this.’

 

He sounded, Darcy could hardly name what he sounded like, but she didn’t like any of the adjectives.  Broken. Lost. Bewildered. Devastated.

 

Before she could assure him that she knew that Jane beat her to it.  ‘Of course you didn’t do it. Don’t be dumb.’ Where Darcy might have been more subtle Jane was all a blunt force object on the best of days.

 

Okoye must have heard or seen something because she looked over at them from where she stood typing away on a keyboard.

 

‘What is this?’  She angled her head at James who had sunk heavily onto the closest chair.

 

‘This is someone feeling guilty for something he clearly had no hand in.’  Darcy cut her eyes over to the other woman.

 

‘James Barnes we are all well aware that you had no hand in this attack.  Even if I had not personally been engaged in hand to hand combat with you at the precise moment the bomb went off.  All here know you are a man of honor and a friend to all in Wakanda.’ 

 

Darcy might have thought about kissing her after she stopped speaking.  It was enough to get the color back into James, his gaze focused first on Darcy then on them room at large.  He caught Okoye’s eye and she arched one eyebrow at him, he gave her a sharp nod and stood.

 

‘You good,’ Darcy asked?

 

He nodded, cupping her face, and pressing a kiss to her lips.  ‘Yeah. Just got lost for a minute.’ She softened against him.

 

‘That’s why we are all here.  To help you find your way back.’  He pulled her close, holding her tight until the screens behind them changed and T’Challa’s voice came through.

 

He was covered in ash, a wound on his head was bleeding steadily, he had that haunted look Darcy had seen on too many people after New Mexico.  She didn’t like it, she didn’t like it one bit, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

 

Darcy was at heart a fixer, and there was nothing she could do to fix this situation.  Shuri was crying, the Queen still had that distant look in her eyes, Okoye looked like she was going to grind her teeth to nothing, and James, James looked like he wanted to rip apart the world.  

 

She knew that it was was tearing him apart, that he was being blamed for killing people, and not just strangers but someone he had known and respected.  And T’Challa, he was a shadow of his usual self, and there was nothing she could do about any of it.

 

**_James_ **

 

Of all the ways he had imagined this going, how it went had never been an option.  

 

After the bombing, when his name was smeared and dragged through the bloody rubble of the assembly, he had briefly thought that maybe he had done it, maybe he had lost time and done something terrible.  

 

Obviously that was insane, he had not flown to Vienna and planted a bomb and flown back in the ten minute walk from when he left Darcy at Jane’s lab and met up with Okoye out on the training grounds.  

 

Not even the Asset in his prime had been that good.

 

So no, he had not done that terrible thing, the thing that had taken a father and a husband and a king, he had done plenty of other terrible things but not this.  Having it done in his name, someone had used his name, his image, however outdated, and that was as bad in its own way.

 

It was on the news so it must be true, he was trending on social media, no need for a trial.  He was guilty until proven innocent. 

 

But then strange things had happened.

 

T’Challa had released a statement, declaring his disbelief at the authenticity of the video footage, he had demanded that the source come forward who had released the footage.  He had started asking questions and then so had everyone else.

 

Granted there had been a few tense days, information had come in fast and furious and at times confusing.  

 

Finally there had been a joint press conference called.

 

T’Challa and Captain America had gone live on televisions around the world from an undisclosed location and laid it all out.  Zemo, Sokovia, the Ukraine, the Winter Soldier program, all of it uncovered and told to the world. 

 

He couldn’t make sense of half of it.   

 

What he did know was that Stevie had picked another fight with another bully.  He had taken on Ross and his Accords and along with a handful of his friends were now fugitives.  Howard’s kid, Tony, had been involved too, played double agent according what Okoye had told them.  He had funded their globe-trotting once the US government had declared them persona non grata.

 

Whatever the outcome was still the same.

 

Captain America was no more.

 

He wasn’t sure how he felt about that, or if he even cared.  He had followed Steve Rogers through hell and even though they hadn’t seen each other in decades he didn’t think that would change.

 

That was changing too.  T’Challa had offered asylum to Steve and his compatriots.  They were en route and due to land any time. There were things that needed to be done domestically.  T’Challa was next in line for the throne but there were ceremonies and things that needed to be officiated for that to happen. 

 

Saving the world would only delay that for so long.

 

He had come up to the landing pad an hour ago, thoughts scattered and coming back together, he was finally going to see Steve.

 

‘Hey you.’  He felt Darcy’s arms wrap around him from behind.  He had heard her come in through the door and had tracked her movements towards him.

 

‘Hey yourself.’  He slid his hand over where hers were joined on his stomach.  She had been amazing the past few days, well she was always amazing, but since the news had broken she had hardly left his side.  Grounding him, nudging him to eat and sleep and shower and on more than one occasion led him to the gym or the training grounds to beat up or be beaten up.    

 

He wouldn’t have made it through half as well as he had if it hadn’t been for her.  He loved her, loved her in that big loud way and in the soft sneaky way that colored everything brighter.  He told her all of that, eyes never the horizon, hand never moving off of hers.

 

She pressed a kiss to his back, resting her forehead between his shoulder blades.  He knew he would marry her one day, not today or even next week, but one day, she had laughed at the idea, called him old fashioned.  But he knew his girl enough to have seen the soft look she gave her left hand. She was all of his good morning’s and see you laters.

 

He could hear the hum of the motor, they would be landing soon.  T’Challa had been forced to reveal why he was so adamant that James had not orchestrated the bombing, the news had brought mixed reactions.  Steve had been relieved, Stark had taken some convincing, and Ross had been suspicious but ultimately it had given him enough rope to hang the Accords around all their necks.   

 

There were other members of Steve’s team coming with them, Sam Wilson, codename Falcon.  The Sokovian survivor, Wanda Maximoff, codename Scarlet Witch. Natalia Romanova, codename Black Widow.  There was history there, Darcy had let her jaw dropped when he had told her the Asset had had a hand in her training, and had shot her once, maybe twice.

 

There might  be others as well, Scott Lang, codename Ant Man, Clint Barton, codename Hawkeye, and Peter Parker, codename Spiderman.  He knew they had all been involved in the aftermath of the Vienna incident but he had not heard if they were relocating to Wakanda as well.

 

‘You’re freaking out.’  She murmured. He wasn’t freaking out, he could almost hear her eyes roll when he told her that.

 

‘You are so freaking out, I can hear your thoughts spiraling from here.’  She bit at his bicep, it got the distraction she was trying to achieve. 

 

‘Okay maybe I am a little bit freaking out.’  The sound of the approaching aircraft was closer and louder now.  Other people had started to gather on the landing pad.

 

‘It’s going to be fine.  T’Challa explained everything and I’m sure your Steve will understand.’  His Steve, he didn’t know if that was true anymore, so much time had passed.

 

But then the time was up.  The fighter landed and they turned as one to watch the door open.  T’Challa was the first to disembark, Shuri ran up to him and he caught her up in a big hug.  The Queen was not present but he was sure they would be together as a family shortly. 

 

T’Challa did spare a moment to acknowledge where he stood with an arm wrapped around Darcy, the soon to be king and man he considered a friend gave him a nod and a small smile when Darcy waved.  They would need to talk soon, there was an apology James needed to give, even though he knew it wasn’t really his fault the guilt was still there.

 

Then there were others disembarking, two women with hair various shades of red, and a fit man wearing red goggles, Wilson.  There were two white guys who followed, one looked out of place, like he was better suited for work in retail, and the other had a bow strapped to his back.  He assumed they were the unknowns he had read about, Lang and Barton. 

 

And then Steve was walking down the ramp.  He was in khakis and a too tight shirt, he actively fought an eyeroll.  Seventy years later and he still couldn’t be trusted to dress himself, with that thought he knew everything was going to be okay.

 

‘You ready for this?’  Darcy asked, he looked down at her and smiled.  

 

He absolutely was, ‘I am.’  He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.  If he saw Steve falter in his steps towards them out of the corner of his eye, he would save it to tease him about later.

 

‘Love you,’ she whispered, and maybe there was a hint of nerves in her voice this time.

 

He squeezed her close and then took a step forward, ‘Love you more.’

 

Together they closed the distance between them and his oldest friend.  His past and future were aligned he could remember the one and could see the other stretching out before him.  Things were never going to be easy for any of them, but that was okay, he was in love with an incredible woman and his best friend was finally here.

 

‘Hey ya Stevie.’

 

The smile that Steve gave him was bright.

 

‘Hey ya Buck.’

 

The hug was automatic.  His friend was tall and solid in a way that had not gotten familiar even before his mind had been scrambled, but he still smelled like butterscotch candies and mentholatum.

 

He was still Stevie.

 

‘Sorry it took me so long to find you Buck.’

 

Of course he would feel guilty.  But they could talk that over later.

 

‘Looks to me like you’re right on time.’  They pulled apart and James couldn’t help but smile, squeezing Steve’s arm once more before turning and reaching a hand out for Darcy.

 

‘Stevie this is Darcy Lewis.’  She offered her hand and Steve took it with wide eyes.  ‘I’m not supposed to tell everyone I meet that she is the love of my life who saved me from a life of solitude and frozen meals.’

 

The sounds that Darcy made was somewhere between a curse and a choke, he was paying for that later.  

 

‘But considering you’re my oldest friend I don’t think she’ll mind it this once.’

 

Steve’s eyes were still comically wide, but he had regained the power of speech by the time he let go of her hand.  

 

‘Leave it to you to be on the run and fall in love with a dame.’

 

Darcy laughed, tucking her face against his left arm, the plates automatically warming at his touch.  

 

James smiled, yeah, for this one perfect moment, despite everything that had happened and was still coming, he was happy.

 

**_The End_ **

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely believe Steve Rogers uses mentholatum. Fight me. Don't ask me about the airport fight or how them all ending up in Wakanda will change things for Black Panther. They need some happiness and solidarity and Okoye will keep them all straight, goddess that she is. This is obviously au lol. Love you all.


End file.
